Tuesday...

so Today I am 145.5. I am proud to be there. I am not crossing off 145 though. I need to make sure that I stay there. My goal for next week is 144. The weather is colder out so I have not been out much. that and the princess still isn't feeling much better. Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes but she has on and off fevers all day and night. Its those damn teeth! she has her canine teeth that broke through yesterday. Its been a long and very rough weekend. Long at that seeing how I was home for 3 days. I really wish I wasn't home yesterday I am super behind at work.

I do want to post more about my eating habits. I have to keep a short leash on myself this weekend. I was excellent last night. But I did have way too much for lunch.. than again I didn't eat dinner. So my cal were evened out. I have alot of cooking/baking and I will be super busy. I have to make time to cook food and eat balanced meal every day. I don't want to get off track just cause I'm busy I have a ways to go still and I am going to hang in there. I have to find it in me to work out more. I have been cleaning which is a great workout but its not where I want to be. I would have worked out last night but the baby didn't go to sleep till 11pm... Uhh!

I hope she is asleep when I get home I have stuff that I have to get started on before we go out to toys r us today! We are getting sleeping beauty on blu ray and its only gonna cost us 5bucks! How sweet is that! Its a blu ray and they usually cost 25-30 bucks! But we got a 10$ coupon and its on sale for 20 and we get a 5$ gift card when we pre-order which we did... so its only 5 bucks out of pocket! With the 5$ I am going to see if I can get lil mickey minni figures to use as cake toppers. I also have to go order balloons from party city! it has to get done! And I have to stop by cvs to get baby Tylenol :( for my princess who needs it at least once a day. And candy for the party. I also need black m&ms So that I can make mickey ears on all the cupcakes! ok well its 10am and I got loads of work to get done! tootles!

BIRTHDAY MONDAY

So, I was supposed to go to work today. than with my lovely lil girl I never made it. She has a fever on and off. I'm guessing she will have her teeth by the end of the month. Well to recap for her first birthday. This morning she pulled off her pants and grabbed the wipes cause she needed a diaper change. So I think potty training will come early. SHE TOOK HER PANTS OFF! I didnt see it and neither did daddy. we were both asleep she woke up up tryn to get the wipes cause she needed a change. Thats crazy she is only 1!

ok anyway, we gave her some of her gifts last night..(me and daddy's thing, always the day before)... anyway, she just passed out with a woody figurine! she loves toy story. I cant wait to see her reaction when she gets the big woody we got her! she loved everything else she got too. And her godfather got her a bike/tricicle,pushie thingie.. its soo cute and she was having so much fun in it! We are going to go out and use it later! I can't wait! I wanted one of those! hehe, im soo bad... I made her cake last night. I swear that girl is too smart of her own good I was putting the icing on the cake and she kept on crying till I gave her some cake! ahahaha! Anyway we are having cake tonight, I have a whole lot of stuff to do today! its a good day to get things done too seeing how both me and hubby are home.

on the weight, I am still 146.5! is this good, ehh its ok, I have maintained very well! I am upset that I didn't reach 145. but I do have to say that I am really close. I am happy that I have been able to maintain thus far. I know I can eventually lose the weight and keep it off! I have 10 more weeks to lose 10lbs! WOW thats crazy! I can do this though! I already talked to hubby about the Wii Fit. I am getting it its just a matter of when. Ok well off to the real world, sorry for not checking in with everyone today. Thank you all for your condolences, and as for puppy we are waiting to see if he gets any better, we think now that he might of had a stroke. Not much bettery but we shall see what happens...

WTF!

now our dog (who is only 6) is dying. We found him this morning blind in one eye. We think he has diabeties.. uhhhh.... WTF!

honest scrap award #5... (very long)

5) I dont understand how anyone can let themselves gain so much weight without caring about it. I applaud all of you who are making a change in your life but personally I could never ever let myself be so heavy. I weighed so much due to my pregnancy and I fought day and night to get rid of the weight. I don't believe in being "the perfect size" but around 8-10 is the biggest I could see someone getting. yes its a very European mind set sorry ladies, but that's how I was raised.


So thats what I said in my honest scrap award, now I was being honest. that was the point, right? But I think I should of explained it a little bit more. I know many people who are sick because they don't care about their weight or health... example: my father, he has water around his heart due to poor diet and he could die at any minute from congestive heart failure, does he change..no, has he ever, no... will he... well seing how he is stuborn with his own family (the only people that care about him) im assuming no...

I think this really mostly applies to men, expecially how im beyond frustrated with my own hubby who gained so much preg weight. He doesn't care that his cloths don't fit, he just wants new ones. (he has lost weight, due to my direct intervention but still he has no care in the world about it)

But this also applies for women too.

My mother in law... (I actually posted about a 3 page post about this but decided to keep it private cause it was inapporpriate) she has many health concerns and if she doesn't lose the excess 50lbs that she is carring around with her, her health will get worse.. much worse.. but she doesn't care. Now looking at her, you might say well she looks fine to me, she is a size 14. Not really that bad, she also carries it very well but her health is suffering MAJORLY from the weight and she sees no correlation.

Now for the main reason I have this oppinion and where the root of being raised with this mind set comes in. My cuz is 27. (this is my aunt's daughter the one who raised me, My cuz is more than a sister to me she really is like a twin sister, we share everything and are beyond close)She has struggled with her weight all her life, ever since she was a child. She was always over weight. I would say by the time she was 18 she was a minumum of 100lbs over weight. Now in italy you are not going to find cloths that are plus size like you do here. You are lucky to find anything in a size 12. So anyway, My cuz never cared that she was over weight. She had no stress besides school she never worked till she was 24 years old. She finished high school at the age of 19. So really there was nothing keeping her from trying to be healthy. She ate what she wanted when she wanted with no limit. She is great in the kitchen too! Ok so now you know a lil bit about her. Now, you need to know that she was a premie and was born deaf in one ear and with a bunch of other heath problems. Yet they all "kind of" subsided by the time she was a teen so she really was only deaf in 1 ear. Now, If your 100lbs over weight, you can't go out to a store and buy cloths cause you don't fit into them don't you think you should do something? No, My cuz didn't care about her weight, she didn't care that my aunt had to make all her cloths, that all she could wear was men's tshirts. Hell my mom fits into her cloths from when she was 10 years old! my mom's a size 6. Anyway. My cuz just kept on gaining weight till one day my aunt said enough. Your going on a diet and I don't care. It was to a point that my cuz was put on a diet and than she would sneek snacks durring the day.. (very childish for a 20year old but whatever)... After my aunt almost killed my cuz(almost litteraly) My cuz said fine I will lose weight. She started losing weight and she started to see that her weight was caused by a huge problem. She was in the hospital for 3 weeks, a year later she needed surgery.. now she is finally at a healthy weight, she exercises regualry and takes care of herself... The main turning point in my cuz's weight loss was when she was able to buy a pair of jeans... it was the first jeans she ever fit into. She was sooo happy that she said I will never gain more weight that I can't fit into these jeans.. she spent $150 on them. Since she has lost the weight she has been able to find a job( yes in italy they do hire based on apperance)...

I kind of explained it in a way that shows different aspect of weight loss, But my mother in law, my father and my cuz all have/had MAJOR heath problems, I was raised to take care of my body. I was raised that the greatest gift was a gift from god, that gift was your body. We take advantage of our body's every day. Abuse and manipulate it to do things that it is not supposed to. We are not suposed to have tattoo's and piercings, we are not supposed to put excess weight on joints and organs. Build up of garbage in our intestines and arteries cause big health problems... Our body is a temple, a temple of worship that god has given us. He has given us life, health and happieness. Isn't that what life is supposed to be about?

now Finally I have one other thing to say... My family friend that has cancer, she is like my father and my cuz, no regard for her health. Over weight was an understatement for her. I feel more than ashamed to say that she did it to herself, but it is only the truth. I feel for her and for her family. It is the worst thing in the world, I wish nothing upon anyone. She was a great lady that always did for others. yet she though mc'd was a healthy option... She had diabites and never took care of herself. She lost 100lbs in 1 month's time. due to the cancer. It is very upsetting just to think of losing her. Yet the point of all of this is not taking care of your weight, not taking care of your health, not praising and honoring the temple of god (which is your body), it truely hurts me.

I'm the kind of person that cares too much. For someone to be hurt hurts me just as much if not more. Durring my pregnancy I had gestation diabites, I gained alot of weight. Too much weight. I had it in me to make sure that I took care of my health. My mother in law things that having 2 hot dogs is a healthy dinner for me a breastfeeding mother... I have a problem with this... I see veggies and fruits as a healthy option. Yes my vise is pasta, but did I ever mention that I love what I put on pasta? The other day it was peppers tomatos and carrots. It was sooo good! I have a problem with fruit cause it can still give me diabeties. The only way for me to control my sugar is my measurements. I measure how much sugar I have a day and no more. I love sweets and except for a slight mess up here and there I have learned to keep a tight grasp on them.

Now I can't say that overweight and unheathy go hand in hand. My grandfather was at a decent weight all his life he killed himself with diabeties. Do you ladies see how this is becoming a trend? I joined this challenge because you ladies inspire me! All of you work so hard. Compaired to you all I slack like you wouldn't belive. Am I ashamed that I can't get up to work out like I want to, you bet your ass I am. But I do try my hardest. And without you ladies behind me I don't think I could do anything.

I do not judge people on apperance and never have. Yet I feel hurt when I care more about someone's heath than they do. It's not right. It's not fair. People should take care of themselves and live a happy and healthy life. Is my life different than everyone elses. You bet it is! But in no way are we different. We all have one common goal to come away from this challenge better off. By giving ourselves a gift of health.

Bad day just got worse...

So my plan was to show you a cute pick of hubby and the lil munchkin butt.. than I got a phone call from my cuz, her mother in law who has been a close friend of the family for 30 years (yes very long time, outside of the marriage)... has been diagnosed with cancer.. The cancer has spread all over her body, it is in her bones,breast,pancreas and prob more too. This is very somber news for me. My day was starting out crappy but I was still in good spirits, hubby called to tell me bugga has a fever and now this... Damn..

last week

Last week I met my 145 goal. I was there. I swear I was! Today the scale read 148.... uhhh WTF! ok I seriously have to stop slacking! Granted it is a real feat for me to be anywhere below 150. BUT I PLAN ON STAYING BELOW 150 FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! This is crazy! I can't live with myself right now! I am beyond mad at myself!!!! I can't believe I gained back 3lbs!!!! I know that I can do this weight loss thing! I can! I even went for 2 walks in the past 3 days! I cant get over this! at least make a maintain. So I was going to work out this morning. it was a complete fail! First off, I set my alarm for 530! I did I set my alarm and was all over getting up and working out! I really wanted to. But aparently my daughter's teeth had other plans. She was up at least 3 hours last night till she finally went to sleep in daddy's arms around 5am. (she was still sleeping in our bed when I left for work... they are to die for cute together!) so the whole 530 thing go blasted out of the water when I woke up 5 to 7... with 20 min before I had to leave for work... :(

I am going to try and work out when I get home if my daughter is sleeping... oh does moving the living room furniture count as a work out? I did that last night... we have a big problem being in the basement with the boiler... :( But I made it work, just now there is no set area that my daughter can't get out of... aka she can roam free of the whole basement ... bad idea momma...

on to better news!

Hubby gave me the option last night for my xmas present: Wii Fit Plus or jewelry... I really want new jewelry but I am so going with Wii Fit! I have wanted it forever! But I will not let hubby buy it till I can get through a full 30day challenge of EA active! I really hate myself at this point for not using it more. I love it soo much and I never use it. Well that will change, if I want the Wii Fit and by all hell I do.. I will complete the 30 day challenge! Starting today! NOW.......GO! (sorry Baby Einstein humor... how sad)

So despite the fact that I seem so mad and upset with myself, the fact that I had a crappy morning so far. That I dont have my morning tea. or that I am 3lbs heavier than I should be... I'm in a great mood! Yes you heard it hear, my day has gone horribly wrong but I am in a great mood... Go figure!

I feel like I got down to my prepreg weight and I am happy, but I am not done yet. You know when you reach the point where your good and continuing is optional.. well I'm there now.. and I want to continue. I want to keep working hard to lose the weight. I am determined after seeing the scale this morning. That horrid number is going to be then end of my upward turn. I used to always bounce around between 149-153.. that was my weight... Well let me tell you I never want to be more than 140 by the end of this challenge. NEVER AGAIN! I want my weight to bounce between 130-135! My goal is 135 but I dont want to bounce between 135-140. Cause that would be too close to where I never want to be. I know that this is where this challenge starts to get tough I understand that this is where my determination and persistence has to kick in and be on point. I got my butt out in the cold to go walk I can take it a step further and get working on the EA Active. I can burn 150-180 cal at a time that way.. its only a half hour! it is an amazing workout that will help me tone and get back into a healthy, energetic, happy state of mind.

So on the point of being healthy and happy, I want to go more green. not only for the environment but also for my wallet. So since I am cheep (well broke), for xmas I am going to ask for those "green" bags that they sell at the supermarket. I really want them, I hate using the plastic bags and I want something that is better for the environment. I also am trying to reuse ziplock bags... Like if I used them for veggies I will rinse them out than round two I will use when I freeze meat, than they go in the trash. Instead of just using them once and tossing them. I also stopped using the swiffer cloths. Despite how much I love swiffer those things are expensive and add up in the trash can... so instead of using swiffers I have discovered that using the burp cloths (cloth diapers) work just as well and then are reusable and usually pick up more per use than do the swiffer cloths! Also something I have to do more of is use vinegar instead of all those other harsh chemicals. I have the big gal already, its there its cheep oh and its safe for my little one! I mean we already have a water filter, so we are not buying bottles of water all the time. The filters are expensive but bottled water is more expensive. I also don't buy so many drinks in bottles I try to buy the drink mixes instead. Hubby likes them and they save alot of "green"...

I need new ideas for being green, Does anyone have an idea?
I have:
"green" shopping bags
reuse ziplocs before just throwing them in the trash
Stopped using swiffer cloths
Vinegar instead of chemicals
water filter
drink mixes instead of bottled drinks.

I already try to save on gas, we always walk to the library. (but thats 2 fold) I try not to drive everywhere, like if we need to go from place to place make one outing instead of 5...

But I feel there is much more that I can do to be "green", I am very conscious of what I do, I have a thermos that I take to work every morning for my tea, I do need a water bottle though. I really want one for the Disney store. So I am going to wait a lil while. I try to reuse the Poland Spring bottles but uhh they suck! Anyway. I dont have any other idea's.... oh well I will leave it at that! That is where my mind is on "Being Green" today

EVIL PURE EVIL

AHAHA, just kidding not really evil but I found a site to die for!

cupcakerehab.com

yummy yummy yummy!

I still need to figure out something for the top of my
daughter's cupcakes and cake! I need MINNI!!!

This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger
whose blog content or design is, in the giver’s
opinion, brilliant. This award is about bloggers
who post from their heart, who oftentimes put
their heart on display as they write from the
depths of their soul.

Thank you Christine! I feel honored! Ten things about myself that no one knows....

1) first off my name, its also Christine ... BUT I call myself chupsie whenever it has to do anything with writing.. it used to be cupa, which actually is chupa, but if anyone knows Spanish its not a great name to have. I stole my nickname from my cuz bff in Italy. And as for that chupsie was supposed to be chups. Most people still call me chups but a few of my friends gave me the name chupsie, so they use that instead. The name originally came from Chupa Chups lollypops!
2) I used to be a big punk girl, like hangn out with the kids with 3 ft mohawks, listenin to ramones and shit. I wish I still did. I used to hang out at the local coffee shop called the witches brew. I had lots of fun me and my punk friends but I guess people grow up. Im still the same person inside but I no longer have my ripped jeans, my 6" platform shoes with bondage straps and ripped band shirts. I loved the way I used to dress! I had my arms covered in bracelets too, all kinds! anything that I could strap on my wrist I would! I wore spikes and everything! I really miss those days! I dont even think I have any pics of what I used to look like.
3) My bff is my soul mate, she is my everything I love her more than anyone! I have a hubby and a child, she is up there with them. well depending sometimes she comes before hubby. but the only one she cant top is my daughter. otherwise she knows everything about me. she is my soul mate, she is practically the reason i breath. Before my daughter she was number one there was no one else. I would live for her and I would die for her.... She lives in Iceland. I have seen her 4 times since my freshman year in HS, that was more than 8 years ago... I talk to her every day for hours on end.
4) I'm a workaholic... as much as I would rather stay home I need to work to function.. I fall apart on weekends cause im not in a working mode.
5) I dont understand how anyone can let themselves gain so much weight without caring about it. I applaud all of you who are making a change in your life but personally I could never ever let myself be so heavy. I weighed so much due to my pregnancy and I fought day and night to get rid of the weight. I don't believe in being "the perfect size" but around 8-10 is the biggest I could see someone getting. yes its a very European mind set sorry ladies, but that's how I was raised.
6) I guess the biggest punk thing about me is that I listen to rap/hip hop/r&b... I have ever since I was little, prob 5 years old. I used to listen to hot 97 back then and still do today, I used to know every rhyme, hook and verse.
7) I don't talk to my father. And not cause it has anything to do with our relationship. I don't want him apart of my daughter's life. He is a mean grouchy fuck and has this air of hate around him. he never has anything nice to say and all he does is yell and hurt children feelings. I don't want my daughter exposed to that. He is my father, fine whatever. oh and my parents are still happily married for 26 years. and I talk to my mom all the time. I just dont bother with him.
8) I'm a grade A loner. and I like it that way. I'm super social when I want to be but I prefer to be me,myself and I. other than that I have always gotten along with people much older than me! like my mom's friends older than me! I love all her friends, they all hold a special place in my heart! as for people my age I can really do without them.
9) my biggest inspiration/hero is my mom... she grew up in poverty, starting taking care of her family(mom/dad/bro/sis) at the age of 13. She moved here at the age of 20 to get married in an arranged marriage. She quickly got away from her new abusive husband. settled down with NO education into the fashion business and is now living in one of the most affluent towns in NYS. From poverty she has a life most people would only dream of. It takes hard work and balls! I have her same drive to do what she does. But if you talk to her she will only tell you how much I don't like her. Not for the fact that I don't love her or anything but as great of a person she was she never was a mother to me. After raising her brother and sister I think she didn't want to raise her own kids any more. My dad was a stay at home dad.
10) My real mother is my aunt, she raised me. case in point here is an example. I got my TOM the first time in Feb, I told my mom all she said was congratulations, than walked away. My aunt lives in italy so I had to wait till june when I went to italy how to track my period and that I should keep a pad on me when the TOM comes around and to wear a heavier one at night, you know all the in-n-outs. My mom all she said was congrats... my aunt taught me about the bible, how to cook and clean, most importantly she taught me right from wrong, respect, and how to live a happy and simple life. I owe everything I am to my aunt.

there you go ladies, there is alot more to me, than those but I think those matter most. I strive to always be myself so if you check back with me in about 30 years those should still be the same, they were the same back in hs... and yes back than I made the decision about my father.


oh now ten people.. damn I dont know... I think everyone I have on here is from GAG and I have a feeling they have all been taged....

GO TEAM PRANCER!

HOLLY COW! wow! we got first place for weight! YAHHH! its upsetting to see so many people that have dropped out. I love the challenge and I hope that everyone left feel the same way. We can get through this!

I weighted in again this morning at 146.5, than after I stripped, I was 147.5. so my scale is screwing with me. I believe that I am still at 146.5. I have done a maintain day yesterday. I do feel comfortable at this weight but I feel that the extra 10lbs will bring more of a loss in my arms and stomach. I feel that a maintain is success for me cause I want to be able to eat and do things on a normal basis without constantly gaining weight.

I really also more than anything want to be able to work out more and eat more. instead of not work out and eat less. I have to find a happy medium somewhere. Eat less on days I don't work out and eat what I want on days that I do work out. Today is nice outside I will be going for a long walk. 1 cause there is nothing to do this afternoon, 2 cause I need a good walk. I will be walking to the library which is a mile each way. than I will walk around to the school and back which should be about 3 miles total! Walking to the library is great cause I get that break after a mile, than for the long 2 mile stretch! I should really start walking to the market. Especially when its just for 1 or two things. But the underpass stinks like piss! uhhh sooo gross!

Well anyway, I have to find time to work out, hubby has been hangn round the tv the past few nights cause he hasn't been feeling good. I want to really start working out in the morning. But if I wake my daughter up ill have a shit fit! I usually wake up with her around 430, than she is out by 5 which would be great than to work out for a half hour 45 min than shower, and do some paperwork which would then be about 630 or so. I just get so tired rocking her back to sleep, that bed sounds soo good! I will figure something out I swear I will! Anyway the plans for a nice long walk this afternoon sounds fantastic!

on the flip side... This week and next week bring big plans! Tomorrow I have a lunch to go to for bugga's bday. Saturday its off to bj's for party "stuff", Sunday its brunch with nonna for bugga's bday. Monday is bugga's bday, than the rest of the week is cleaning and prep for the party on Saturday. I have to make about 6 dozen cupcakes and 2 cakes by next Friday! I am going to be doing baked zitti for the party and fried chicken with french fries... than I have to make a separate Lasagna for my cuz (my cuz is a lawyer and this is how I pay him) my friend is bringing spinach dip and there will be chips with salsa dip. Oh I know what I can do to ask my MIL to be apart of the party to make her salsa dip. I think Im gonna do some veggies and some ranch dip too. It sounds like a great idea. Since its fall I want to do apples as a fruit but I dont know what to pair it with. and I dont want to do berries... oh cantaloupe but is that really a winter thing? hmmm I dont know. Gots to see what the market has. Prob get a few lil pumpkins to put around, I cant think of anything else yet.



so much to do so little time!

So This weeks challenge

This weeks Challenge has to do with blogging. Not giving up on the slight changes in our activities to stay focused through writing about our weight loss. So I want to say that with being tuesday weigh in day I am 146.5. I am up .5 from last week with the weekend that I had I feel that it was more on the lines of a maintain than anything. Although I did see 145 the other day. I will return there. I was supposed to work out last night but me and hubby spent some time together instead. I always love spending time with hubby. he makes me feel great, he is someone who is always there for me who has a sense of humor and sarcasm like I myself do. we do really have fun when we are together. I do have to say though that we have not yet been together 2 years and I feel so close with him. And not just that we are close we are really starting to learn about each other and where we want to be where we are from and how we truely feel. It takes time for relationships to blossom and grow. So this past weekend I would say is the first real time that hubby has grown to understand my journey in weight loss and the problems that I have had for a very long time with my body. Between my blood sugars to back/neck pain and just in general that I need to be on a fixed sched. to eat and maintain where I am with my body. If he knew before this than was the first time he ever showed it. The reason I had dunkin donuts this past weekend was cause I barely ate all day and needed food. we were trying to wait at the party we were at to eat, but they didn't serve food or anything till later after we left, and cake was even later. (it was a 1year old bday party and the baby was asleep by the time they did the cake.. what was the point?)

So anyway I have digressed a whole lot. I know that everything takes time to blossom and grow and become a solid foundation in someones life. I have worked many months at weight loss and getting my body back from the pregnancy. I can honestly say that these past few weeks have been the best I have felt in over 2 years. Even though I have had a few slip ups recently, I can say that I have maintained under 150. Which for me is a great feat! I want to ultimately remain under 140, and within time, 10 weeks I will be there!

oh ps hubby is losing weight.. :)

So I think I got it

I think I know why I have had such a set back. I went fo my massage which was supposed to be my reward for getting to 145. Which I did, but I wanted to maintain for a few days before I crossed it off my goals. So I went for the massage and the massage therapist, who is my mom's yoga instructer was so mean to me. I lost 50lbs! She made it seem like I failed at what I did and that since I didn't go to her for yoga every week that I was not doing a good job at all. I mean the massage was nice, but I am very soar and in alot of pain from it still. I mean I have been working my butt off for the past few months to get where I am! I am proud of myself and I shouldn't have a naysayer tell me that I am not sucessful at what I have accomplished I am succesful!

I'm thinking of it now. I have no idea why it made me feel like such crap or why it even mattered seing how at the bday party I was at sat night EVERYONE was telling me that I looked fantastic and that they wanted to know what diet I was on. I should be super proud that I fit into all of my cloths and that I look great! I am less than I was before I got preggo. I hadn't seen 145 since 06. I think thats an accomplishment! I have to focus on the fact that I have done GREAT! Me I did great. I am going to reach my goal and I am proud of myself and I will not let any negitive thoughts get in my way.

I have 10lbs to go! Thats it 10, I can do this. When someone tells me I can't I tell them I will. When someone says its nothing I say its everything. I can do better I can accomplish more. I don't fit into the mold of other people I make my own stamp. I create and I accomplish. Well I feel much better right now. I do think though that I need some Ice cream. I have half of the ice cream left from the other night. Its about a scoop of ice cream. I know so far I have had 460 cal and dinner should be about 400 cal also. I am going to enjoy the rest of my ice cream now and that will be it. I will not have any more binges after this. I have a bday party in 2 weeks and I will only have 2 cupcakes and a lil piece of cake next week on my daughters actual bday I will work my cal around those. I have alot that I can have but I have to limit myself I also have to do more working out!

I can do so much more than I have been doing and I plan to do more. I know I am still breastfeeding and have that on my side but I can't just sit around and wait for it to work... it didn't work for me till I started eating less than 1500 cal a day. Thats my max in 1 day. I can do this and I really do plan on making more of an effort in my work outs! I can get to 135 by the end of this challenge. my way! I want to work out, I want to build muscle and slim down I want to be able to fit into all of my cloths. I want to be where I find myself to be perfect. I feel that where I am heading is in the right direction. I have lost alot of my curves but that is cause I have lost my muscles. I will build up what muscles I have left and stay slender.

Thank you ladies for letting me know that Im not the only one who falls of track. I can get back on my feet and carry on with this challenge. I can continue right where I left off too! I was doing a great job and can continue doing just as well! I don't need to say I had a setback I need to say that I enjoyed myself and I had a diet vaca, now its back to the grind. I can just hop back on track! my goal for tuesday(tomorrow is 146.) my goal for next week will be 144! I can do this! I know I can, I can make the difference of 2lbs in a week from where I have come. I want to be able to cross of 145 by October 5th! Thats my goal thats where I will be! I did not account for set backs and I will not account for them because I will not accept them! I am better than them! I am able to over come them. I will not fall of track I will keep on going!

edit:

too bad on my ice cream my lil bugga ate it! or at least some of it

I dont know it you can see it but she has chocolate all over he mouth! :( oh well!

Major setback

So I have had a major set back this week! MAJOR SETBACK list:

• 2 donuts
• ice cream
• pancakes
• Chinese food
• chips
• dip
• no exercise

so much so I think I will need to take a pass this week! OUCH, So I will be around but I will be on CC counting ever cal in and out. I am going to be walking and exercising and what not so not soo much time for blogging. But I will be here.

1. Do you feel your eating habits that ended you into this challenge are a direct result of habits formed during childhood? (Please explain) oh yes, well not 100% First off I love food more than anything but like a big plate of pasta! yummo! anyway I always grew up you had to finish what was on your plate, and that was at least 3X the amount of food you should normally eat. I can eat a whole lb of pasta myself. but I also attribute 50lbs to my preg. really bad and the only food I had to eat was fastfood/takeout cause we were redoing the kitchen and had nowhere to cook, nowhere to keep food, nothing... it was bad REALLY BAD, but I lived so its all good

2. Tell me about your living situation. Are you married? Kids? In College? What is your life like OUTSIDE of weightloss? I am engaged to my hubby, I call him hubby cause we live a married life, have 1 beautiful daughter(almost 1), I am currently working, part time I want to go back to finish school but its on the backburner for now. outside of weightloss I am a mommy, thats about it, I cook clean and take care of my family...

3. If you were given a magic wand that you could use one time to do one thing, what would you use it for? to give me my diploma and a job somewhere as a cpa, that I get to work from home.
normally it would be to have a permanently clean house or what not but I love to clean so I dont mind it all that much

4. What is your favorite thing about this time of year? Least favorite? Change of season means change of wardrobe. I get to wear my boots again, and the flip flops go bye bye, I love the cooler weather and the rainy days. I dont think I have a least favorite. prob no more beach

5. You have a day off, no responsibilities, so what will you do with it? sleep, clean, cook, mani, pedi, read, sleep...

6. What is YOUR sin food? oh I have no idea, anything that has to do with chocolate or anything that has to do with pasta...

7. Your in a foul mood, what lifts you out of it? a nap

8. Your in a good mood, what keeps you there? I just have to keep on going, if I stop thats it...

9. What is one of your biggest struggles right now? living with my in-laws.. I can elaborate but essentially its free housing and we cant afford to find an apartment or a house so we are kind of stuck. I am sick of cleaning up after 4 people that are not my responsibility. Dealing with my mother-in-law is a night mare. and I hate having to raise my child in a house where everything I do is questioned.. my daughter my way. I have having to listen to my mother-in-laws insane rules... she is retarded. anyway I really dont want to go into its a really bad situation.

10. Your motivation is running low, where do you find your refill? well the ladies of GAG are great but mostly my bff, my mom if she is in a good mood or my aunt. but Mostly I just think about my aunt and what she would tell me and it usually helps (she lives in italy so I cant always talk to her)

11. Your in house support (meaning the people in your life that you see face to face) is beginning to dictate your weightloss journey by telling you your too heavy, or your getting too thin, but your not where you want to be. What do you do? How do you handle it? tell them to f off and I will do it my way.

12. List me your favorite:
color: purple
smell: oh you got me on that one, there are so many, mostly food!
activity with your child: just playing and reading with her, also when she first wakes up and all she wants to do is cuddle and hug her mommy!
Activity with your girlfriends/ guy buddies: just hanging out, talkn, maybe dinner, nothing much
way to relax: sleep, shower, veg out in front of the tv to watch a sappy chick flick

13. Where do you honestly see yourself at the end of this challenge? well I will see myself at 135, thats for sure but I am also looking to straighten out my life, get myself straight, organized and have a well maintained and run household

14. What are your goals AFTER Gag? well right after gag I want to see what I have accomplished, where I have come from and really ponder what I want for the next year, and how I plan on getting there.

15. How do you think GAG is going so far? What would you like to see done differently? (I must be asking for torture! LOL)I love the GAG challenge, I wouldn't change it!

16. Tell me all about your "typical" autumn weekend? Special activities that arise as well? Apples apples apples, I love making apples in the autumn so that would be the special activity. I want to go apple picking but it never happens, I buy the big bags of apples and bake them in ALL different ways. I would say I cook more on the weekends, since its cooler I turn the oven on more and bake, cook, store up veggies, you name it! I also love going for walks this time of year. that and getting ready for the holidays, I love Halloween and thanksgiving. than after thanksgiving its all about xmas!

17. Is there one person in your life, who you hope your weightloss journey inspires? HUBBY! he gained 40lbs during my preg and has yet to lose the weight, he lost a few lbs these past weeks but nothing major

18. How did you find GAG, and what made you committ to join? I was following christine on xanga and I kept up with her cause she is a great inspiration for me, I saw that she had joined fnf, and than I saw she had posted about GAG and that just set me into gear! I couldn't join fnf but to be apart of something was what I was looking for.

19. If you could nominate one BIGGEST INSPIRATION out of all your Team Gaggers, who would you nominate? I think I already answered that Christine, I have been following her since the beginning of the year and I think I'm her biggest fan!

20. Please, tell me about you. What are your dreams? What are your desires for your life? What sparks the passion inside of you about your life? What goals do you have that seem impossible?

Well all my dreams and goals will be accomplished in one way or another one day. I am sure about that but my life long goals are simple, I want a simple life with a loving husband and children. I want to get my cpa, and work from home. I love numbers so that is my true passion. I want to be able to be a mommy. I always wanted that, there really isnt more to me. I am simple. I also have alot to say and have 3 books planned out to be written. I want to write them and one day go back and live in Italy. I love my life the way it is, whatever it is. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that where you are is where you are supposed to be. What sparks me is the people that I love, I love my family and they are my everything. I have many friends but only a few that matter enough to make a difference in my life. I am not here to change the world, although being "green" as I like to call it "old school" is something that I cherish. I am not looking to make a mark that is to be put in the history books, I am looking to leave a mark on my family and friends hearts. I am looking to be a person of love and passion.

as for what I want out of life half of what I want I already have, yes I would like another child but for now I have my family and I am happy. I will return to school and get my degree and be a professional one day. till then I want to write my books and get them published. If I ever live in Italy again is un-know if my life takes me there so be it. I dont know how far I will get in my life, but I know that my life will be somewhere outside of the state of ny...

I am wearing my old navy jeans

So prob I get scared that my cloths won't fit so I just dont try them on but MY JEANS DO FIT! Now I am a sucker for great cloths and old navy well, I love them but they aren't great cloths but I do have to say one thing. I LOVE OLD NAVY JEANS. The fit the style the comfort... it can go on forever. But anyway... I fit into my old navy jeans this is a great moment in my life that this time last year I though I would never see again. I have one more pair of pants to fit into and they are my corduroy's. That's the last pair of pants that I need to fit into. I am shaking in my boots just thinking about trying them on. Well not really cause I didn't wear my boots today. :) hehee! Also I weighed myself this morning and I have to report that I am 145.5! I hit my Oct 5th goal EARLY. my goal for the rest of the week will be to maintain that weight come Tuesday.

I know im a sucker for daily weigh in and I am always talking about them but if I can stay at 145.5 for the next 2 weeks I will really know this weight loss thing is for real! I am proud of myself to lose this kind of weight even though I feel like this is all going to change once I stop breastfeeding. Sometimes I feel like I'm cheating, I know bf makes you burn 500 cal a day, and just a lil working out or walk will burn off a lb a day for me. but, I don't know where its all coming from. cause seriously this past 2 weeks I have lost so much weight and I haven't done anything but bf... I have even been eating more. Unless That's what my body needed. I actually have up'd my cal count to somewhere between 1400-1600. with a 500 cal def a day, that's a total of 900-1000 cal. and if I burn about 400-500 more just by cooking cleaning and being a mommy, with the occasional walk I am looking at a really low number of 500 cal for my body. I do feel tired and have to go to bed early after a full day but I dont feel tired during the day. Yesturday I was seriously contemplating getting all the way down to 125 again, but I have 10lbs to go... wow that's it! Its kind of scary for me to even thing about it! I am staying with my 135 goal! I want to get there and stay there. I might be too small for all of my cloths but once I get there I really want to start gaining my mussels back so that might have a lil extra weight gain. I want to be in shape.

As for my stomach, I still have my tummy and unfortunately I don't think it will ever go away, but as long as I can hide it I dont think I really care that much. The only one that will see it is my hubby and my kids prob, but they can tough it out! I really want to lose the tummy more than anything so I can wear a bikini again but I will not be able to do that till I'm done having kids and get the surgery to fix my tummy, if I ever have the money for it. I'm not happy with my body yet but I am much happier than I was at the beginning of the year. I was depressed and outright disgusted with myself. I do have to thank my hubby though, he got me EA active and that was the first time I started losing weight. Even though I dont use it all the time now I do know that it is the most valuable tool I have. I do have a plan I really want to work out in the mornings. I am going to see when and how I can get started on this big feat! If I have to start when I reach 135 to keep myself tone and in shape or if I should gradually start one day a week. I have to sit down with myself and PUSH real hard to accomplish this but I will. One day! Before the GAG challenge is over! I will work out 5 mornings a week!

Damn that's a big to do for me! Although I used to be able to drag my butt to the gym at 730 in the am when I lived with my parents. but than again the only thing I had on my plate was work at the time. But I felt the best I ever did when I worked out 4-5 days a week! I was also working for my pt which ment every time I f'd up my body working out he would just fix me... I dont have the luxury any more, so I have to be careful of what I do. its bad enough my hip is out and my back is hurting. But I keep on pushing though. I do have to say yesterday walking with my bad hip was really bad but I did get in a 45 min walk. AND my dumb ass was walking in flip flops which was prob a really bad idea but I lived to tell the tail!

So I have a new goal, work out 5 mornings a week(preferably week day mornings). I know that somewhere inside of me I have the strength to do it! Where I have no f'n idea, but I will find it! I will start small, but I will get there. Also I have other things on my plate, at the moment my daughter's blanky! I gots to get that done. I will work on it tonight, today whatever I will do work today! That is my ultimate goal for the day. WORK ON BLANKY!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Ok thats all! I just had to get that out. Now for why, don't worry its all good! I fit into my jeans! Like I said yesterday I felt all my cloths were still tight even though I lost 7lbs. So, I have to say its not even that they just fit and they are tight they fit me looser than prepreggo! yes I said it looser than BEFORE I was preg. granted I was heaver by about 5lbs but this is amazing! I am even wearing my cute blue top! not that that matters to any of you but.. I am in love with this top first off its long sleeves and im not a long sleeves person but its got a hood and it has a pocket. Its almost like wearing a hoodie but its a cute/sexy/fitted knit top! And its got gold floral design on it. I really should be taking pics of my outfits... But my comp at home is down (well no my mil hasn't paid the internet/cable/car/mortgage/credit cards/house phone.. and prob other stuff too but whatever.) (yes this might be the stress that gets to me but I can't let it get to me!) ANYWAY. I can't upload pics at work, so that's that. I am just beyond happy that these jeans fit cause I have one in light denim and one in dark denim! So thats 2 more pairs of pants to my wardrobe! I have to check my old navy jeans, I am in love with the way they fit. They were looser on me than these were prepreg but tighter when I tried them on last. mostly cause of the gut that I now have... so anyway! I am proud to say that my scale must not be lying. Sorry I doubted him! :) I am so happy!

on other news, I have to say thank you to all my friends who have been so great about sticking by me and encouraging me to press forward! I have to say thank you cause every morning I check your comments and it gives me hope that I'm not alone I can do this and that I do have support. You give me the will I need to get through my day. I do have good news I have done most everything off of my list from yesterday... I don't think finding 1400 will ever happen but I can always dream! Finding a few million is better but hey, I just got to get by my car insurance payment for now. I made all the phone calls and email that I had to do, I didn't mail out the food stamps thing I completely forgot I am going to do that as soon as I get home. I have the envelope and stamp ready. oh and I just got my 5$ back from the thieves at bank of America! I swear, when it was just me I was great at taking care of whatever paperwork, gettn whatever things under control but doing things for 3 people its not easy. and Hell some of you have like 5 kids.. I think I would shoot myself. So I am doing well with what I got to do, Ill get there. my main concern is getting my daughter's blanket done by her bday! Oh I so hope I can I think I have to call in the troops(aka Mommy dearest)... well I am off! To do work at work

PS So I dont know why but I keep on gettn hit on by the owner of the bagel shop. Never met the guy but he is always hitting on me over the phone, kind of creepy, I mean he is nice about it but still kind of creepy

pss: ok so my boss just got back from the bagel shop, the owner sent over a half dozen mini bagels for "my daughter" I guess my boss told him that I got a hubby and child... Phew! well I got a half dozen bagels, yummy! they smell good too... but EVEN MORE CREEPY!!!!

TUESDAYS THE DAY

So today is weight I am 146! I am happy with the number but I am not happy with myself. I feel I am in a personal battle at the moment. I feel a lack of will for anything right now. I know its due to the lack of exercise but it is also due to the realization that soo much in my life has changed..

this time last year I was scratching my skin off with the PUPPPS rash. Well I still pick at my scars but I was preggo and felt like I was gonna pop at any second. at this point I already went to the hospital once with the idea that I was gonna give birth. Now in 2 weeks my daughter will be 1 years old... 1!!!! holy cow! I think my struggle consists of the fact that I have not gotten this whole thing together yet. Than again does any mother ever get it all together? hell from seeing and reading other blogs talking to other mothers and what not I feel like I can't get on track ever! I fall apart on the weekends, I should be able to pick up and keep going!

I cook I clean I play, I do everything that I can but more than half the stuff I have to do does NOT GET DONE! I don't get it!

I have a dozen phone calls (important) phone calls to make, I have things that have to get done. I have priorities in my life that are not being focused on. This GAG challenge was supposed to be more than just a weight loss challenge! it was a chance to focus on all aspects of my life. I plan on making things right!

at the moment, money might stress me but come Oct, with my hubby being paid things will start to get easier! I am hoping still to be able to move. Now our finances are tight but still in order on the other hand the house that we live in is getting closer to being gone. my in laws have not paid any of there bills, none there are constant collection calls coming in and its daunting to know that we might be out on our asses... but, I am hopeful that we shall prevail! I am concerned on another front:
this is my list of things I want to have finished by the end of the week
-daughter's blanket
-food stamp application (completed just has to be mailed in)
-hubby medicaid application- call case worker
-call lawyer re accident- need email
-email kim thank you- I keep leaving email at home.
-find 1400! yea I wish
-put loans into forbearance
-

Sunday

So, Its already sunday... I have horrible news. I have yet to do anything I have been lazy all weekend... Well I say its lazy but I'm SOO damn tired! this sux! right now all i can do is focus on paperwork that has to be taken care of at the moment. the baby is asleep and I have some time later

Water: what it is and what it do...

http://www.highvibrations.org/archive3/water.htm

Ok I found a snippet off this article on Christine's blog but I went and read the whole thing. It very interesting to see the needs of our body and how it works. I really like the article and I hope that everyone gets a chance to read it!

HUBBY IS AT WORK!!!

ahhh, ok first off its not even 9 am and Ive had a headache since 830! uhh but Hubby got the job and started TODAY!!! yes today, so he is at work while I am at work and hubby's grandma is watching the baby right now... reason for the headache! no one has taken care of our daughter more than 3 hours that has not been me or hubby... kind of freaking out! and its not like she speaks English so even though I'm fluent in Italian it dont help much... she speaks Spanish... so anyway, The other thing is I dont know if my daughter will understand anything she says.... I hope it all goes well... I'm freaking out! most days it will just be my mother-in-law to take care of my daughter for an hour but... they needed hubby all day today..

He will be a floater at a day care and that means the possibility of MORE hours and MORE money! but that we might need someone to babysit!!!! Grandma's great but I'm still uneasy about it... Mostly I think cause my daughter is just confused right now... Oh and Grandma wouldn't just let my daughter walk around... She is only 11 months and wants to walk everywhere on her own.. oh I sooo hope that everything goes well... and before I go home I have to go to the bank and post office :(

Well anyway, besides me freaking out. I decided not to weigh myself today seeing how its still tom and I feel SUPER bloated! so I just opted out for today.. I didn't do any work out last night but I did clean clean clean. And yesterday I had a freak out moment where I wanted my daughter's playpen gone and NEEDED new totes for her toys so they would be clean and off the floor. So I went to target and got 3 30gal totes and I currently have 2 filled with stuffed animals! I could have fit them all into 1 but I figure I will spit them and only let my daughter open one at a time. Less mess to clean up... Than after packing up the play pen, hoping never to see it again.. hubby tells me he has work and that grandma would prob use the play pen... SO the play pen is still open and in the way. but it will be gone as soon as I get home today. Cause if I have to see that thing I'm gonna break it!

so that is my big deal for today, I think I should be able to make it through the next 5 hours.. I just hope hubby is doing ok and got to work ok.... OH YAHH! I dont have to work full time!!! oh yah!

oh also on the money front, I think I'm gonna sign up for food stamps, just to help out every month with the food bill... does anyone else have any experience with them.. how they work and what not... I'm still all confused!

Talk to you ladies soon!

tom

so yes its that tom again, and I am proud to say that I am at 148.5, I am at my weekly goal from tues, and I have a feeling even though im a lb up I will lose that quickly by next week, my goal for next week is 147... just as a maintain and cause of the bloating and extra cal's I need during my period week.

I wonder how many lbs you actually bloat up during your period... or is it different for everyone ( I guess so right?) so anyway, I made a yummy apple cobbler last night! yummo! oh and than my brain said this morning why not add some of it to your yogurt... mmmm was it good! the only problem was I though of it after I added my sugar to my yogurt so I had extra sugar that I didn't need, but I didn't have my toast to save on some cal.... So I think breakfast was about 300 cal, not too bad.

re-weigh

I re-weighed myself just a few min ago and it said 149.5, still a loss over all but I am guessing I have about 2lbs on that from the day and whatnot... so I am figuring that I weigh 147.5... which was yesturday's weigh in... I will keep that as what I actually weigh... sorry for the disapointment ladies... 3lbs not 5.5! Still good enough for me! and I feel like yea I prob lost 3lbs... ok anyway gots to go haven fun playn in the kitchen! yummy yummy FOOD!!!! ahaha!
im makin something different its red peppers, tomatos and asparagus! sounds and smells yummy! with just a tad bit of garlic and onions! dinner for me and the wee one tonight... me and daddy also get beef and broccoli stir fry! YUMMY!!! ok I will stop!

My scale VS My daugher

My scale lost!
I think its broken! I am 144????? hmmm maybe I should take measurements

I feel still just as big as I was at 153! and not only that I had a HORRIBLE WEEKEND! I had a donut I had cookies, I pigged out on candy, I HAD BREAD!!!!! yuck yuck yuck! uhh I can't get over everything I ate... but oh well. I felt like with sat/sun I would need to take a pass for this week but apparently my broken scale says I am below my Oct 5th goal???? Yea ok whatever...

Anyway dispite the fact that I would LOVE to say that I am 144 (and according to hubby he thinks I am cause "once your metabolism kicks in it just keeps on going so it doesn't matter what you eat") But I feel no different 5 lbs is a lot! than again im all depressed and bent out of shape over here so that might make me not feel it. like my legs look just as big, they feel just as big, and my pants feel just as tight. the only difference I feel is I HAVE LOST ALL MY CURVES and I feel like my tummy has deflated a lil bit more, But not enough for a change in 5lbs!

Also I haven't been working out a lot either yesterday I walked for an hour, over the weekend we went to the mall for about an hour of walking... but I think that's about it! although my daughter has wanted more milk soooo I have prob been up on bf cal burn to about 500, which is alot! but.... I dont know, maybe... im not convinced! anyway... life goes on

I had the interview yesterday it went FANTASTIC!! and after stressing myself out on sat (to no end) about not having anything to wear... I WAS OVER DRESSED for the interview! uhhh I hate when I do that! I think I made a great impression though and I do have a great new edition to my wardrobe thanks to mommy dearest! lets see what did I get a new t-shirt, Tahari blazer jacket, j crew blouses, bob machi sweater (love it!!!), I got some other stuff too, linen cropped jacket to go with my linen pants (white suit complete: to die for!)... I got the perfect black dressy sweater! on another cropped white jacket (summer only) and another sweater jacket which is way cute, kine of like my Oscar suit but its not as vivacious!

oh cloths do make me happy!

so now since rambling on made me feel better about my wardrobe (its a sick relationship)... hey its all free! And I wore the cutest outfit yesterday to work. I wore my new t-shirt which is beige with gold and my charcoal pants with my beige shoes and my beige bag... too cute! hehe! that was for work... for the interview I wore my tweed black and white skirt with the new black sweater I got and my nine west shoes... SUCH a winter outfit but whatever. I should have prob worn a short sleeve top instead but who cares! I think I killed it! today I had nothing to wear so I pulled off a simple all brown outfit with a bcbg hoodie (beige/brown/black) and my beige shoes with my beige bag again... damn ok this whole beige thing is crazy! I"m not a beige kind of girl! although these shoes are perfect for this season! although they are getting kind of dirty these might be their last season... hell they are also wayyy to big! and my friend has them in black! AHHH soo bad! we had another pair of roxy shoes that were the same too. uhh I hate having the same thing or even something similar as someone else... Im sick like that...

also on the home front, I have decided that if hubby gets his job I will stay at my current part time job and just sign him up for medicaid... and... If he doesn't than I will work. I know I am throwing away such a FANTASTIC opportunity but I'm not sure if I can really leave my daughter all day. I mean I hope to be getting a raise from where I am now ( I really hope!) but if hubby works it will come out to the same amount of money, sooo I will let you all know I have to have my final decision by the end of the week. I just hope that hubby gets called back. :( hell I just wish he would work FULL TIME... but anyway... :(

so about them cloths.. haha,

oh I just taked to hubby we are going to "test" the scale, we will see if he still weighs the same or lost 5lbs just like me... see if that works... ok back to work I go!

HELP, Im so confused!

Do I work full time? Should I work full time, Ladies what do you do? This is my problem.

I have an 11 month old at home. I love getting home at 230 and spending the rest of the day with her. But the interview I have this afternoon at 5 might change all that! The job is full time and will be from 8-430... meaning on a good day I will be home at 5, on a crappy day I will be home 515-530.... We are waiting to hear back from my hubby's job that he had the interview for. It went really well, but they have not gotten back to us yet. We need more money no matter which way you split hairs.... But The job I am being offered is a GREAT opportunity! Its a place I feel like I can stay for years, I am sooo confused! I just wish that they would pay me a HELL LOT MORE MONEY so that it would make my decision easier... sad right, anyway... I know I will have weekends with my daughter and all but I can't bear to lose the afternoon. We will still be able to do story time/go out for walks/ play, but I feel like I'm gonna be ripped away from her..

have any of you ladies gone through this? Where you have to decide between making a lil bit more money or staying home with your children... what would you suggest? or do you have any advice to help me get over myself... I know my daughter prob wont care one way or the other... The only thing is im still breastfeeding but I do feed her 5 times in a 24 hour period already. and it will prob change to 4 hours instead. I dont know what to do... Oh also she will not take milk from a bottle, no bm/no soy/wont do cow's milk. she does drink lots of water thats for sure! oh and she does eat healthy, yogurt every day and plenty of veggies and fruit! and she has her cereal and snacks that come with vitablocks.. will my daughter be ok without me? am I worrying over nothing? Should I just stay at my current job just to be with the wee one? I have no clue what to do with myself at this point....

bad weekend

I have a complete fail for this weekend... I have learned something though... I eat bad stuff when I am over tired, I am usually over tired when I am stressed..

on another note, I had an interview on friday and have the call back interview tomorrow. Wish me luck. I think I already landed the job but we shall see!

BABY STUFF FOR SALE!!!!!

I have baby stuff for sale! I am desperate to get rid of it. if any of you ladies are in the Long Island area, know anyone who needs baby stuff, let me know. I have the WHOLE greco cherry blossom collection in pink (EVERYTHING), travel system, playpen/bassinet/changing table, swing, highchair! I want to sell all of it for $200. or if you know someone who wants it who will pay for whatever it takes to ship it I will do that too! I also have a humidifier and a vaporizer never used, I have formula that is still good but I never used. I have the sheets for the play pen I will give you if you buy it, I have ALL MANUALS!!! ALL PARTS!!! Everything has batteries in it and they still work and you can keep them! Oh also EVERYTHING is LESS than 1 year old! and most things have been barley used by my daughter. If you know anyone have them contact me C_disario@yahoo.com or on here! thanks!

MY BANDOLINO'S FIT!!!!

So today I woke up, right all whatever as I always do and drag myself to my scale. 148.5! WOW! oh I am soo happy right now.. well ACTUALLY, I could care less about the number! I decided to see if my shoes from prepreggo fit cause it looked all gloomy out and I didn't feel like wearing flip flops. So I go digging in my storage closet for my old shoes(not really old but I though I would never be able to wear them again) I pull out my roxy shoes first, They fit lil tight no biggie, I can live without them. Than Im like let me see if my Bandolino sneakers fit.... DING DING DING! THEY FIT! so I am the HAPPIEST person in the world right now! To top it all off my mom was RIGHT! ha, she said keep your shoes they might fit you again... AND they doo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god! I can't believe that my shoes fit! and my boots fit too! OH and my nine west heals fit also! Im wearn' those tomorrow for my interview!

So besides the fact that its thursday and im at 148, I can fit into my old shoes! I cant believe this! my mom is going to be soo happy! I can fit into my cloths I can fit into my shoes and I weigh LESS than I did before I got preggo... TODAY IS A WONDERFUL DAY!

GAG CHALLENGE WEEK 2

BLOGGER - LOGGER! hehee

For every 8 oz of water you drink, you will give yourself 10 points.
For every 15 minutes of activity outside of your normal routine give yourself 10 points.
For every day that you track your foods whether it be on your blog via in text or photos, give yourself 20 points.
For every evening you sleep for a minimum of 8 hours, give yourself 20 points!


Ok so I will be posting all that I take in and all that goes out(cal wise)... I will be updating this one post daily:

9/9/09: Total 160 Points
workout, 1 hour walk 2 miles: 40 points
water: 10 8 oz glasses: 100 points

	Grams	Cals
Breakfast
Raisin Cinnamon Swirl Bread	100	80
Immune Defense	9	24
100% Natural Green Tea	3	0
Lowfat Plain	114	61
Sugars, Granulated	17	66
Lunch
Delverde Penne Zita Rigate - Regular Pasta Cello Cuts	106	362
Extra Virgin Olive Oil	15	120
Dinner
Chicken, Breast, Meat Only - Cooked, Fried	104	195
Extra Virgin Olive Oil	15	120
		1,027

I am also going to add another 100 cal to that number, cause I feel the number isn't always accurate so I had 1127 cal : 20 points

9/10/09: Total 170 Points
water: 10 8oz glasses : 100 points
workout: walking an hour and 15 min: 50 points

Thu, Sep 10 2009


Breakfast

Raisin Cinnamon Swirl Bread
Immune Defense
100% Natural Green Tea
Lowfat Plain
Sugars, Granulated

Lunch

Sole Mex: Buffalo salad wrap (im gussing about 700 cal)

Dinner

Sicilian - One Walk-In Slice ( I shouldn't of had this it made me feel sick!)

Total Calories Consumed
734+ 700 from solemex= 1434

I averaged way up on the wrap, seeing how it was chicken/salad/tomatos with ranch dressing and buffalo sause. 20 Points


9/11/09: Total Point
water: 3 8 oz glasses: 30 points
workout:

since Im a sucker

for daily weigh-ins: I have good news 149.5 was this morning! That made me the happiest person this morning!!!!! To think, my mini goal of 148 by next week might just happen!!!!! WOW! well anyway today is Wednesday so I have to report in on how I did this week: not too bad! I worked on that first file, I did most of it. I actually added the second one to it so in technicality I finished the first file. I sent out invitations for the birthday party! I got all decorations and what not for the party. I did make it to 150! WOW! I did not cut out the black and white squares cause my mom got me all confused I have to call her today and figure it all out! Also I was supposed to see her on Sunday and that didn't happen so I never got my scissors to cut the fabric. :( I have been keeping the desk at home clean! YAHHH! that's a big improvement! as for cleaning everything is clean except all her toys need to be put away, they are currently all in her playpen. I spoke with Rose but never got the paperwork for the forbearance, soooo I have to call again and get that, and make sure they aren't gonna kill me with late fees! (not like I'm payn anyway)

Overall I did accomplish most of what I wanted to! I have to go over my MASTER list, But I feel that I did get alot off of it so far! Yahh! I have to also put up what has to be done by next week! Oh and for the rest of the week if you dont see me its cause im busy at work... actually working!

OHH OHH OHH also I got called for a job, full time bookkeeper! I have to call back this afternoon! Kind of excited! I just have to see how far it is. and how much $. and than figure out where Hubby stands! cause he needs to work, even if its just to get out of the house everyday!

the only thing I didn't do was walk to the library. We are going tonight, we had too much to do last night! its ok though

Edit: 530: just got back from the library. Happy about my walk and that my daughter is sleeping, but... DO YOU THINK ANYONE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME I NEED 2 FORMS OF ID!!! NOOOO... uhhh anyway I got to go back maybe tomorrow! sooo pissed! and alynn was lookn at books that she wanted to take and she couldn't! :(

GAG WEEK 2 DAY 1!!!

I am 150.5!
down 2lbs from last week! I am proud that I did it!
Now next week 148! Can we do? YES WE CAN! ( I have no idea how... but we can do it!)

This weekend was eventful and lacked many many worked outs... I have a bad habit of not working out Yes I will be working out today, I will also be walking to the library... 1 mile(2 miles round trip)

Most important today my hubby has a job interview! I need all the prayers in the world to get him through it! Please help me pray for him to get this job!

I have been doing very good with sweets and sugar but today I will put down about a quarter cup of sugar just for breakfast from my cinnamon sugar apples... opps! they were yummy and home made thats why I know how much sugar... anyway tomorrow is wed and I have lots to do with not so much time!

Sunday report!

SO, I am currently 151.5 after a full day of eating! sounds like good news to me! I cleaned all morning! Like vigorous cleaning cc says its about 200 per hour, lets say 3 hours! 600 cal I think thats great PLUS 500 for bf! 1100 cal deficete today!!! YAHOO! oh not to mention child care which usually comes up at about 800 for the day plus the 1600 that I naturally burn! wow thats a lb! GONE! haha, we shall see! I hope so, I will report in tomorrow. Oh I didn't work out today cause of all the cleaning and I had the past two nights off Thursday i went for a walk and tues and wed I worked out! soooo I have a few more days of working out for 5 days a week! I think thats great. not all are conventional workouts but they work! (oh wait friday I went for a walk too... sorry so I only took sat as a rest day!)

report in on food this week, last night I kept it somewhat light, but I made frenchfries for hubby but had a few myself, maybe a half cup potato. and 2 bbq chicken made in the oven. it was good... Also Lunch I had a chicken ceasar wrap... that was like 2 cups of chicken and a half cup of lettus... with a wrap and 2 cups of potatos(fries)... uhhh.... anyway... all I had for breakfast was 3/4 cup of yogurt with some sugar and tea... prob 150 for breakfast ... thats not bad according to cc... which is prob not accurate I had 1400 cal for the day! burning at least 2200... Thats a decent deficite. Oh and my daughter kept me VERY active yesturday! which is great news for me!

today... hmmm well I had brownies they didn't come out too good soo I didn't have much! Thank god! I also had a turkey burger, salad, olives, pretzels, veggie egg rolls, an egg for breakfast with cheese and my tea with sugar. ( that was all day!) I had 1500 cal! if I didnt have the brownies I would have been at 1200! but thats ok they were good! I am also Happy I had a turkey burger instead of regular burger.... I think ultimatly this weekend was a sucess!!! yahh for me!!!!! now if you dont mind I am going to sleep to weigh myself in at 150 tomorrow am! hehehe!

Prance Prance Prance

Ok, I'm gonna be lame all day but I can't get off my prance/dance bit! I think its cute... sorry if everyone doesn't find it so! ok yesterday's report:

I went over cal for yesterday... opps. but I am still 151.. now here it is the dreaded weekend and my goal! be at 150 by TUESDAY. Yes I put it in writting 150 by tuesday... whatever it is that I have to do I will do!!!! Now for this weekend, it starts today we (me and hubby) are having a date, with alynn(daughter, she always tags along...we dont know why JK).. and we will be having dinner at TGIF.... I will be getting something light. I hope. but I will only be eating half of whatever I get and not taking left overs home. I know its a waste but I am thinking about my waist! haha. If I take the food home I will wind up eating it. I got lunch date sat, prob dinner so I will do a salad... than bbq on Sunday, mapped out below... I feel like If I get my workout in every day I can still manage to lose this lb! I WILL BE 150 BY TUESDAY! I know that I usually get carried away but I feel confident about this weekend. Watching what I eat and losing weight should not take a vaca over the vaca.. The vaca is for me! not my body! :P!

oh also yesterday I opt'd out of a work out but I went for a walk with mommy, it was nice. Also I had to redo my plans for Alynn's blanky. Its gonna be smaller. I'm upset about it but its ok. I will be fine! Oh also today is day one of my experiment! I am using body scrub and wrinkle cream on my tummy! Lets see how this works... Logically it should, I will be doing this every day! I want my tummy to be back to normal! so I am making every effort!

I also have come up with a new system for myself Wednesday deadlines. A set amount of tasks due every Wednesday! Now if you haven't been following me I have set up a set of tasks/projects/habits that I need to accomplish/break before the end of this 16 week challenge. I have designated wed for it to alleviate weigh in day. I set this up cause I work better under pressure. If I have a deadline to meet I might make the extra effort even if its Tuesday night to finish up all said tasks!

[]submit all paperwork for loan forbearance
[X]fax fbusa paperwork
[]finish first folder of recipts
[]cut black and pink squares.
[]create and follow to do list!
[X]set up Wednesday's goals 9/16
[]get to 150lbs!!!!


I will prob wind up doing most of these on monday seeing how I have off from work (YAHOO)...
I want to see if I can convince my mom to cut the fabric for me but I highly doubt it!

ok well thats all for now its almost 11 and I have work to do at work... no more play time :(

Read this article!

It's about the importance of what we say about ourselves. Its short and to the point

article

ok so in other news... today I am 151! back to where I should be! Also I am in soo much pain from working out! my joints, my muscles, uh even my ankle re sprained... but I think that was my daughter. Like I feel like I'm falling apart! its bad but I did work out last night I did EA active on easy, than I did 80 leg lifts (Pilate style) and 50 crunches. I wanted to also do 100 jumping jacks but I think I would have died if I tried. I am proud of myself but at the same time I have to try and take it easy tonight. I am going for a walk with my mom tonight. I am trying my hardest but I dont want to really do anything else tonight. its my rest night for EA active so I will be taking it. I had planned to do it on moderate tonight, we shall see how I feel. I want to do some work on alynn's blanky tonight. I also have some other stuff I need to get done. and my ankle has to heal a lil bit before my foot falls off! so tonight will just be a walk. Hey I am still doing a workout right? best thing is a walk. so I can't beat myself up about it. I have alot of plans for this weekend too! I have no idea how I am going to get through them. Me and omar are going out to dinner Tomorrow, to friday's I got a buy one get one coupon!!! I will eat just a lil and NOT take left overs! also sat I have a lunch date with my bff! shouldn't be that bad. lets say dinner, I'll get a salad or something. than I have a bbq on sunday. Im bringing brownees but I dont plan on eating them. I plan on eating a hot dog without a bun, and 1 hamburger. and than a serving of chips and dip... the cal count on that should be around 700. it will be my lunch, with a breakfast of 1 cup of yogurt at 150 cal. and than a light snack at night that I have 400 cal left over for! and that that I can eat up to 1500 cal... well I will not push it! I want to make this week FANTASTIC! oh also I will have salad if they have any!

so I keep on looking at my stomach, besides the fact that it is BEYOND GROSS!!! I noticed that the stretch marks are going away, BUT the wrinkly skin is getting worse! GROSS GROSS GROSS!!!! Its upsetting but you know what I have a feeling by the time I lose all the weight I will be satisfied enough with my tummy that I will be ok with it! OH thats what I got to use, that visible lift lotion from MK... I have it why not! hell you know what might work... exfoliate scrub, think about its all extra skin right, well if I exfoliate wouldn't it get rid of skin? I know im playn on a hunch but I think im gonna try, everyday you the exfoliate on my tummy than use the visible lift lotion! But whats great is this weekend at my cuz's house on Sunday they have a pool... sooooooo, I have my bathing suit! and its a one piece and its a size 8! I will have a lil tummy and what not but it wont be half as bad as wearing my preg bathing suit! (GROSS)

GAG Challenge!!!!
pool party bbq!
Part 1:
this kind of only applies for pool parties and the fact that my daughter wants to walk everywhere. My game plan is to stay in the pool about half the time we are there with my daughter. Than most of the rest of the time I will be walking around and entertaining my daughter. This usually takes up all the time I have in a day anyway. Better yet I will not have time to sit down and munch munch munch. Since I love chips, I know that a serving is 13 chips and a serving of dip is about a tbsp. so I will count how many chips I will be having and 13 is the lucky number. Also instead of taking alot of dip per chip, I will be taking just a taste of dip or none per chip. Also since its a bbq, there will be hot dogs and hamburgers. I will have 1 hotdog without a bun. that will be about 170 cal. (dip 100, chips 140)... so far my cal count will be at ~400.. that leaves 300 for a burger. which fits just right! There you go! that will be my lunch/dinner also. AND most of it I will be working off swimming in the pool and walking around with my daughter!
part 2:
what to take:
salad with carrots, celery, tomato, cucumbers, lettuce (you need that), black olives, and home made dressing of balsamic vinegar and olive oil with a dash of salt.

that was part 2 (for a bbq): last night (Tues) I went to a friends house. and of course I had to bring something. I brought zucchini flowers. You cant find them in stores so unless you know someone who grows zucchini's your not going to find them, but they are YUMO!!! and also very light but filling. I make them with egg and flour and a lil salt. that's it! I dont know the cal count on the flowers, so I cant give a good read on to how well to gauge it but they are healthy and light, so it cant be that bad!

ps: Im bringing brownee's to the bbq, cause I make the best brownee's ever... but I will not be eating them. NO SIRREE!!

Go GAG'em!

get it... go get'em.. gag'em! hehehe! Ok well that's my extent of humor for the day... lame but I find it funny!

Report in: I had about 1200 cal yesterday and I walked around the mall for about an hour and a half... and I did my EA active!!! ON HIGH INTENSITY! uhhh am I soar and tired! But, I feel great. well sort of not really but anyway... I burned 150 cal with my workout... I couldn't finish it was soo hard I had to skip the last bit of running... I will be doing it all tonight if my poor muscles dont fall off my bones! Uh I think that was the only other thing I did yesterday... I went out with a friend and had fun! and I think that was the best thing that I could have done! it completely exhausted alynn so she slept all night (woke up to eat at 230 and right back to bed like a good girl)!!!!!!! Tonight I am going to be working in high gear with stuff that has to be done! than at 930, im gonna drop everything and start my work out! I would work out with the little one but I might trample her cause she always gets in the way

so anyway despite being soo productive yesterday today my weight is 153! and I am happy with this number ... why cause it means my workout last night was a challenge and my body needed all the water possible to fill in my muscles that are growing. I know that I want to lose 15lbs but I want to lose 15lbs of fat! I wouldn't mind to gain 15lbs of muscle though! Than I would be right back to where I was pre-pregnancy! 153 would be somewhere between a size 6/8! but no I will be still 135, reason why.. that would be a healthy weight for me to be at even with a whole lot more muscle mass! I would be a size 4/6 but hey can't complain about being skinny can I?

Ok well I am off to accomplish my day today:
[X] WORK
[X]COOK
[X]EXERCISE
[X]CC 1300
[X]CLEAN BATHROOM
[ ]RECEIPTS
[X]APPLY FOR JOBS
[X]CAR INSPECTION
[X]CALL LAWYER (left message)
[X]CALL ROSE!!!! See on Saturday

WEEK 1: DAY 1. THE BEGINNING

First weigh in for this challenge is 152.5.

Not proud but hopeful! I know I am bloated! so I should be able to be 2lbs less by next weigh in! hehe! ok Also last night was rough with the munchkin hope tonight goes smother! I am working out tonight. maybe going for a walk, or 2! haha, Once around the mall (about an hour walk) and once around the neighborhood/treadmill. than I have my EA active tonight! SOOO excited!!!! I have big plans for today! I had a real rough start at midnight with my daughter having a night terror, and than again at 4:30 so its been kind of a rough start. But despite being tired I will be working out today! at least for a half hour! I am excited about the teams, too! oh yah! I wonder who will be my team mate! I love making new friends! Im soo excited! So lets see, what else. today I have left over's from last night's dinner... baked pork with baked asparagus! yumo! hehe than dinner, I am eating at a friends house. I will be eating light though! so we should be good!!! than work out work out work out! a new day a new challenge a NEW ME!!!!

Oh so the first person to lose 10lbs gets a prize too! OHHH SOOO EXCITED!!! I wonder what it is? ok well I am going to post (my scale) later. I took the pic this morning but can't upload at work. Off to do work I go!!!!