Friday, April 01, 2011
Meditation
last night I had a few moments of meditation. As I meditated and became a whole person again, I sensed a need for calm. something I rarely get in my life. I knew and felt clarity in who I am and my being but not calm. The sense of chaos in my life has become overwhelming. Through weight loss I hope to find this calm that I seek. I will be meditating again tonight. It felt rejuvenating and empowering to look at myself and my ways through a different perspective.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
weigh in results!
so this past weekend I went down to 144.5, but am currently at 146! i am proud of my loss and am looking forward to another 3 lb loss this coming week
i did
30 min walk monday, saturday 12 hours outside on a physical challenge ropes course.
along with this past monday doing 2 hours of weight training with a great friend of mine.
this week, i will be returning to the gym on saturday, and going for a walk tomorrow and going to my gym for a cardio work out on sunday!
I have officially closed down new enrollment for LYS! the work starts today! im so excited about the possibilities!!!!
summer here we come!
i did
30 min walk monday, saturday 12 hours outside on a physical challenge ropes course.
along with this past monday doing 2 hours of weight training with a great friend of mine.
this week, i will be returning to the gym on saturday, and going for a walk tomorrow and going to my gym for a cardio work out on sunday!
I have officially closed down new enrollment for LYS! the work starts today! im so excited about the possibilities!!!!
summer here we come!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
weigh in tues!
Wow so here we are with day 2 and weigh in day!
so my weight is 149.5! I went up slightly but feel the actual inches coming off!
I had one of my besties take a pic of me all dressed up! Ill just make sure to wear this for the first day of summer too! haha!
So my measurements are: (all in inches!)
thigh:25.5
waist:31
hips:42
Yesterday I went for a half hour walk with baby, I am starting in the right direction and will continue that way through our challenge!
Good night everyone!
So my measurements are: (all in inches!)
thigh:25.5
waist:31
hips:42
Yesterday I went for a half hour walk with baby, I am starting in the right direction and will continue that way through our challenge!
Good night everyone!
Monday, March 21, 2011
today holds possibilites!!!
Today my weighloss challenge starts!
WWW.loveyourshape.blogspots.com
I guess everyone has to put up without the fancy buttons cause Im blogging 98% of the time from my evo!
Yet Here is where I stand with my possibilities!!!!
I have gone Gluten free and am now aware of the fact I am allergic to tomatos, I have cut both out of my diet and I feel a million times better I am actively working on getting rid and healing myself from fibro!
I have taken the right step into making that step in acknowledging I have it and doing something about it!
So what is working for me is
a diet change
Working out with my daughter
Being careful of what I do when I workout not to get injured
And being consistent with my calorie counting!!!!
what has not been working for me is:
inconstancy, getting injured and not working out, eating too much, not taking my vitamins.
My goal for this challenge is going to be 125!!!!
Yes I am declaring 125!!!!
What does this mean working out at least 3 time a week! I will stop everything I am doing and take my daughter for a walk every day at 530 (except tues) ill be driving...( so it will be another time on those days... and I will stretch and meditate every day to keep my body in a positive healing state!
WWW.loveyourshape.blogspots.com
I guess everyone has to put up without the fancy buttons cause Im blogging 98% of the time from my evo!
Yet Here is where I stand with my possibilities!!!!
I have gone Gluten free and am now aware of the fact I am allergic to tomatos, I have cut both out of my diet and I feel a million times better I am actively working on getting rid and healing myself from fibro!
I have taken the right step into making that step in acknowledging I have it and doing something about it!
So what is working for me is
a diet change
Working out with my daughter
Being careful of what I do when I workout not to get injured
And being consistent with my calorie counting!!!!
what has not been working for me is:
inconstancy, getting injured and not working out, eating too much, not taking my vitamins.
My goal for this challenge is going to be 125!!!!
Yes I am declaring 125!!!!
What does this mean working out at least 3 time a week! I will stop everything I am doing and take my daughter for a walk every day at 530 (except tues) ill be driving...( so it will be another time on those days... and I will stretch and meditate every day to keep my body in a positive healing state!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
weight loss challenge is on!!!!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I've been trying so hard to stay on weight loss and I find myself constantly back to wher I was its not cool at all... staying focuses on anything at the moment seems impossible!!! I really don't know why... I'm so motivated to lose the weight and I feel even one lb up or down do drastically!!! I also havnt been having my fizzie tabs which do make a difference but I've just been dealing with pain so bad the past few days... I honesty hope that this pain is from the weather... its been very cold and I know my body is not used to it one bit. I'm having bad reactions to everything I try and do to make myself feel better too... and to compensate I am eating way too many sweets and having way too many crabs.
I still don't know which is worse the pain or the lack of motivation... I havnt been to the gym in 2 weeks and I feel it... I miss going to the gym. I miss a good workout and stretch. I have to look on netflix to see if they have work out videos! That would help during the nights.
Something has to change about my health. And soon. Next week I have my momentum advanced workshop!!!! It's something I have been looking forward to since Aug. The basic workshop changed my life. I know there is more that I need to fix and work on in my life. I'm also very scared to walk into that room I have no idea what to expect and have no idea what I will face....
I want and need drastic change in my life I need consistency and follow through. I also need to be more loving understanding and have more integrity in my life every day.
Exactly like my blog challenge. I did start my new blog but I have yet to efficiently get it up and running. I guess that is partially due to no more interest access at work. Yet, all in all there is no need for me to be such a slacker outside of work. I have a life to live goals and obligations to uphold and follow through on.
There are so many aspects of myself that I know I am avoiding and limiting my potential. I am determined to accept true change in my life for the first time. Accept and follow through with the actions set before me and make those changes permanent!!!
As for weight loss and my health this is an endeavor I have always worked towards. I will continue to do so! I admit that the efforts sometimes are so lax. But its the commitment to pick myself back up again. Re-evaluating the situation and working towards the same goal once more. Dusting off my pride and refocusing on the true meaning of follow through...
Last year this time I was 10lbs lighter it felt great! I know it did I enjoyed it and relished in it. Than somewhere I got lost and fell back to where I was. I am determined to follow through to 125. And the real goal and determining factor will be to stay there and be healthy doing it! Last year my goals were not weight loss. This year my goal is weight loss!
Last year I accomplished my new years resolution of slowing down and enjoying life more. Maybe because so much in my life had changed but I have many goals to focus on this year one being at my ideal weight. Sooner than expected and the ability to maintain it no matter what.
Where does this leave me? With a lot of work yet to be done! To a better week and a lot more blogging through the next 5 days of the rest of my life!
I still don't know which is worse the pain or the lack of motivation... I havnt been to the gym in 2 weeks and I feel it... I miss going to the gym. I miss a good workout and stretch. I have to look on netflix to see if they have work out videos! That would help during the nights.
Something has to change about my health. And soon. Next week I have my momentum advanced workshop!!!! It's something I have been looking forward to since Aug. The basic workshop changed my life. I know there is more that I need to fix and work on in my life. I'm also very scared to walk into that room I have no idea what to expect and have no idea what I will face....
I want and need drastic change in my life I need consistency and follow through. I also need to be more loving understanding and have more integrity in my life every day.
Exactly like my blog challenge. I did start my new blog but I have yet to efficiently get it up and running. I guess that is partially due to no more interest access at work. Yet, all in all there is no need for me to be such a slacker outside of work. I have a life to live goals and obligations to uphold and follow through on.
There are so many aspects of myself that I know I am avoiding and limiting my potential. I am determined to accept true change in my life for the first time. Accept and follow through with the actions set before me and make those changes permanent!!!
As for weight loss and my health this is an endeavor I have always worked towards. I will continue to do so! I admit that the efforts sometimes are so lax. But its the commitment to pick myself back up again. Re-evaluating the situation and working towards the same goal once more. Dusting off my pride and refocusing on the true meaning of follow through...
Last year this time I was 10lbs lighter it felt great! I know it did I enjoyed it and relished in it. Than somewhere I got lost and fell back to where I was. I am determined to follow through to 125. And the real goal and determining factor will be to stay there and be healthy doing it! Last year my goals were not weight loss. This year my goal is weight loss!
Last year I accomplished my new years resolution of slowing down and enjoying life more. Maybe because so much in my life had changed but I have many goals to focus on this year one being at my ideal weight. Sooner than expected and the ability to maintain it no matter what.
Where does this leave me? With a lot of work yet to be done! To a better week and a lot more blogging through the next 5 days of the rest of my life!
Thursday, January 06, 2011
IDEA
I want to do a spring weightloss challenge... anyone want to join in with me... I will be creating a whole separate blogger account... but I think it would be a great GET READY FOR THE SUMMER... kind of thing!
let me know what you all think!
let me know what you all think!
Monday, January 03, 2011
Feelin great
So new years eve and today I went to the gym! It feels great to be back there all the time. It really helps center me and relax me.. also to help get rid of my extra energy so that I can sleep better too... same for my daughter... she wasn't too bad leaving today. Which helped.
I have been enjoying the gym! I really have! I have so much on my plate its almost the last thing I Want to add but it makes me feel good about myself. Now I just need to start seeing results! I have been lookin at pics of myself lately and I feel I look horrible! And if people were to hear me say that they would get very upset at me. But I am just very unhappy with the way my body is right now. It is no one else's choice to make for me. I need to be and feel a certain way to enjoy the way I look.
Just while doing yoga today with the mirror I was embraced about my appearance... its such a bad feeling. I have no idea why its so hard but it just is. I need to shead all this excess and quickly. Just to feel comfortable in my cloths and in my skin. To be able to feel sexy again... I want to also start eating much less I know that working out allows me more ability to control my eating but I feel I am still eating in excess of what I need... its disturbing too. I feel sometimes I can't control it! I have no idea what comes over me. I know I love my food but honestly... there is no reason I should be eating the amout of food that I do.
I have been taking diligence to make sure that I take my green tea pills and my fizzy tabs and tryn to just eat a lil bit less every day... some days are better than others. I have to start cal counting again. It's just hard with my mom cooking instead of me. She also makes my tea every morning with way too much honey. It kills my cal count!!! She is also expecting me yo be a human garbage disposal.... Oy!
I will be doing whatever I can to cut down and reduce cal! I know i am getting there. It is slow but I am making great progreas for myself. I am proud and determined to continue with the gym. It's tremendous help! Wed I will be doing a lot of eclipse!
Ok I am off to bed right now I am Sooo damn tired!
I have been enjoying the gym! I really have! I have so much on my plate its almost the last thing I Want to add but it makes me feel good about myself. Now I just need to start seeing results! I have been lookin at pics of myself lately and I feel I look horrible! And if people were to hear me say that they would get very upset at me. But I am just very unhappy with the way my body is right now. It is no one else's choice to make for me. I need to be and feel a certain way to enjoy the way I look.
Just while doing yoga today with the mirror I was embraced about my appearance... its such a bad feeling. I have no idea why its so hard but it just is. I need to shead all this excess and quickly. Just to feel comfortable in my cloths and in my skin. To be able to feel sexy again... I want to also start eating much less I know that working out allows me more ability to control my eating but I feel I am still eating in excess of what I need... its disturbing too. I feel sometimes I can't control it! I have no idea what comes over me. I know I love my food but honestly... there is no reason I should be eating the amout of food that I do.
I have been taking diligence to make sure that I take my green tea pills and my fizzy tabs and tryn to just eat a lil bit less every day... some days are better than others. I have to start cal counting again. It's just hard with my mom cooking instead of me. She also makes my tea every morning with way too much honey. It kills my cal count!!! She is also expecting me yo be a human garbage disposal.... Oy!
I will be doing whatever I can to cut down and reduce cal! I know i am getting there. It is slow but I am making great progreas for myself. I am proud and determined to continue with the gym. It's tremendous help! Wed I will be doing a lot of eclipse!
Ok I am off to bed right now I am Sooo damn tired!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Time for the new year!
Wow I really dont know where to start. Last year my new years resolution was to stop and smell the roses. AKA to start living instead of my constant doing. A reflection of the past year. well yes I do believe that through out most of the year I have accomplished such a task. I know for sure there were periods in there that were very bleak. Some that I was only functioning to get by and other times just doing things and not being preset. Over all I feel as though through all the turmoil and change that has happened in my life I have thoroughly enjoyed 2010.I know that 2011 will be filled with more such turmoil and even greater changes. Within myself and the life around me. But this is what I truly want. Change, change till I find where I truly fit and want to be.
I have always loved who I am. Now I have to find that love grow for where I am. Not necessarily physically but mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Finding that final resolve to enter into a domain of complete vulnerability. Letting go of each last shred of guilt and insecurities. Taking the right direction into being more than I have ever been. Stretching further than I ever have. Wielding the power and potential that I have closed off within me. I have made huge leaps, leaps of faith, leaps of understanding, leaps to let go of what once held me hostage.
Its been these steps in the right direction that have propelled my life forward. Helped me make changes, be able to understand and accept who I am, in the effort to better my self and my world. To be love, to be a mother for the first time and to be understanding and compassionate. Not for myself but for others, for the giving to give. Realizing that I can never have enough love and dedication to others, while still loving and giving to myself. I have an awesome ability to handle any onset. I have abandoned my ideology of the self and gained one of dedication.
I am breaking free from the box that I live my life within.There is no more comfort zone there is no more control. Putting myself out there with the dedication to the act of being what I want to be. Not to dedicate to the act of having. I have all I need. I have all I have ever wanted. I wanted love, I said it a thousand times, yet I forgot to look at my daughter. I wanted freedom, yet I forgot to look at my strong will. I wanted success, yet forgot to look at how far I have come. Everything has always been there. Everything has always had a place. I seek more out of my years, if I didn't there would be no need to continue living. Yet I am at peace. Peace to know what I wanted I have and what I seek is to build on what I already have.
Where does all this progress take me in 2011, A new type of freedom. A new type of destination. Freedom from a 14 year old, freedom from circumstances, freedom from fear. Mostly a destination of happiness and love. A destination of success in any and all endeavors small or large. Every step I take is to be filled with potential and power, strength and most importantly love and dedication. The integrity to move forward and keep moving. The integrity to have laser beam focus. The integrity of my word, for even the slightest things. The ability to let go of things that are not mine to judge or understand. The ability to be self sufficient, relying on my sole determination and self love. Yet at the same time loving those around me fully and accepting and understanding them.
Most importantly I CHOOSE to stop, before I look, stop, before I choose, and stop before I vote. The stops along the way will truly help me assess the situations around me. but I will be able to stop and absorb the love and give love while I make my choices in life. Stopping to listen to my heart, stopping to recognize what I am truly doing/saying/being. Am I being love? Am I being vulnerable? Am I being dedicated and compassionate?
I know that if I were to stop every time I made some sort of choice or decision and asked myself if I am being love?, or if I am being vulnerable and compassionate while being dedicated to my goals and beliefs, I can truly live a life of humble happiness!
For 2011, I truly feel that it is time to be more with less. There is so much chaos within material and emotional baggage I feel a huge purge is necessary. necessary for life and love! Letting go of what is unwanted and unneeded to be filled with more love and passion! Also within this is the dedication to stay on the right path, within weight loss, within being paperless, within being pure, safe and beneficial. I have taken these same steps before, I have lost my way recently. It is time that I learn the ways that my life is truly meant to be.
I am embracing this new year wholeheartedly! I wish you all the best for 2011!
I have always loved who I am. Now I have to find that love grow for where I am. Not necessarily physically but mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Finding that final resolve to enter into a domain of complete vulnerability. Letting go of each last shred of guilt and insecurities. Taking the right direction into being more than I have ever been. Stretching further than I ever have. Wielding the power and potential that I have closed off within me. I have made huge leaps, leaps of faith, leaps of understanding, leaps to let go of what once held me hostage.
Its been these steps in the right direction that have propelled my life forward. Helped me make changes, be able to understand and accept who I am, in the effort to better my self and my world. To be love, to be a mother for the first time and to be understanding and compassionate. Not for myself but for others, for the giving to give. Realizing that I can never have enough love and dedication to others, while still loving and giving to myself. I have an awesome ability to handle any onset. I have abandoned my ideology of the self and gained one of dedication.
I am breaking free from the box that I live my life within.There is no more comfort zone there is no more control. Putting myself out there with the dedication to the act of being what I want to be. Not to dedicate to the act of having. I have all I need. I have all I have ever wanted. I wanted love, I said it a thousand times, yet I forgot to look at my daughter. I wanted freedom, yet I forgot to look at my strong will. I wanted success, yet forgot to look at how far I have come. Everything has always been there. Everything has always had a place. I seek more out of my years, if I didn't there would be no need to continue living. Yet I am at peace. Peace to know what I wanted I have and what I seek is to build on what I already have.
Where does all this progress take me in 2011, A new type of freedom. A new type of destination. Freedom from a 14 year old, freedom from circumstances, freedom from fear. Mostly a destination of happiness and love. A destination of success in any and all endeavors small or large. Every step I take is to be filled with potential and power, strength and most importantly love and dedication. The integrity to move forward and keep moving. The integrity to have laser beam focus. The integrity of my word, for even the slightest things. The ability to let go of things that are not mine to judge or understand. The ability to be self sufficient, relying on my sole determination and self love. Yet at the same time loving those around me fully and accepting and understanding them.
Most importantly I CHOOSE to stop, before I look, stop, before I choose, and stop before I vote. The stops along the way will truly help me assess the situations around me. but I will be able to stop and absorb the love and give love while I make my choices in life. Stopping to listen to my heart, stopping to recognize what I am truly doing/saying/being. Am I being love? Am I being vulnerable? Am I being dedicated and compassionate?
I know that if I were to stop every time I made some sort of choice or decision and asked myself if I am being love?, or if I am being vulnerable and compassionate while being dedicated to my goals and beliefs, I can truly live a life of humble happiness!
For 2011, I truly feel that it is time to be more with less. There is so much chaos within material and emotional baggage I feel a huge purge is necessary. necessary for life and love! Letting go of what is unwanted and unneeded to be filled with more love and passion! Also within this is the dedication to stay on the right path, within weight loss, within being paperless, within being pure, safe and beneficial. I have taken these same steps before, I have lost my way recently. It is time that I learn the ways that my life is truly meant to be.
I am embracing this new year wholeheartedly! I wish you all the best for 2011!
Monday, December 27, 2010
weight
So my weight is way up this holiday season! I am determined to make the change to get back on track. My weight is truly upsetting me. I am willing to go to the gym more for my overall health and as a new years resolution. There is so much that I want for this coming year. So much to change and work on. so much improvements. I am determined to make this year a very healthy one for me and my daughter. Also one of financial freedom and independence. These past 3 months have been nice but let me tell you its not easy. I plan on making major changes this year! and jan will just be the start! Going to the gym will only be a small part and it will also be a huge part! I plan to start ASAP also! I am not waiting for the new year to take action im not waiting for something else to come along. This month has been very very long. Everything has been thrown about and I know nothing will stop me from what I truly want!
I am off to be productive! I have been siting around all day today and yesterday due to the snow... NO MORE!
Off to BE BE BE!!!! I want to be WHOLE I want to be Passionate loving, caring and dedicated! I will be focused and have laser beam focus all along the way!
I love who I am and the life I choose to live... Now its time to take that choice and ride like the wind!!!!
XOXO everyone I hope you all had a fab holiday! I love you all!
I am off to be productive! I have been siting around all day today and yesterday due to the snow... NO MORE!
Off to BE BE BE!!!! I want to be WHOLE I want to be Passionate loving, caring and dedicated! I will be focused and have laser beam focus all along the way!
I love who I am and the life I choose to live... Now its time to take that choice and ride like the wind!!!!
XOXO everyone I hope you all had a fab holiday! I love you all!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
OY
The highs and lows come and go where they stop no one knows!
So my bestie lefts shit hit the fan.... and than life goes on... where does all this shit stop? Why do all good things have to be paired with a downer? well whatever it is.. right now im good!
My other bestie that lives in the UK happens to be coming back at the end of jan! OMG I am super excited! So yet again I will be busy with someone so important to me in my life... The only good thing about this friend is she is very independent has her own car and can make her own decisions I dont have to baby sit her! Which will be very nice!
Also Lets see... I have gained back any lost weight... just the way this past weekend went I was at a diner 2x in 12 hours.. than out to a bbq place for dinner... even though all the food was amazing... I need to do things differently... no more eating out! hell no more eating! I did start going to the gym the other day! I spent an hour and a half sweating my ass off! I enjoyed every second of it! I will also be going this afternoon!!!
As for xmas... I am not ready and I know im stressn because of it... but its ok... everything will work itself out in the end. I know it will... anyway... There isnt much else to say.
I will be starting my lifeboard tonight... And I will be doing alot more on here soon enough..
But for right now... no I will be busy busy busy... my life just keeps on gettin in the way. I will also be starting my custody battle after the new year! YAY what fun... not. I am keeping my head up everything will work itself out!
I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! I will see everyone after the holidays! xoxo
So my bestie lefts shit hit the fan.... and than life goes on... where does all this shit stop? Why do all good things have to be paired with a downer? well whatever it is.. right now im good!
My other bestie that lives in the UK happens to be coming back at the end of jan! OMG I am super excited! So yet again I will be busy with someone so important to me in my life... The only good thing about this friend is she is very independent has her own car and can make her own decisions I dont have to baby sit her! Which will be very nice!
Also Lets see... I have gained back any lost weight... just the way this past weekend went I was at a diner 2x in 12 hours.. than out to a bbq place for dinner... even though all the food was amazing... I need to do things differently... no more eating out! hell no more eating! I did start going to the gym the other day! I spent an hour and a half sweating my ass off! I enjoyed every second of it! I will also be going this afternoon!!!
As for xmas... I am not ready and I know im stressn because of it... but its ok... everything will work itself out in the end. I know it will... anyway... There isnt much else to say.
I will be starting my lifeboard tonight... And I will be doing alot more on here soon enough..
But for right now... no I will be busy busy busy... my life just keeps on gettin in the way. I will also be starting my custody battle after the new year! YAY what fun... not. I am keeping my head up everything will work itself out!
I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! I will see everyone after the holidays! xoxo
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
2 steps forward 10 steps back!
So I am all ready to get started with the gym today! got stuff I gotta get done. My business is BOOMING! and BAM! I get sick!
Perfect timing, not at all! every time I stand up I get delirious! I am feeling better but I feel like a balloon!!!! Uh I hate this feeling. So I am still thinking about going to the gym today. Maybe sweat this fever out. Although it did break because of the advil. I also feel very very soar and wiped out. But I don't want any of it to stop me!
My mom gave me a concoction this morning of apple cider vinegar/honey/cinnamon. It was so gross but it helped with my throat within an half hour! WOW!
So anyway! despite the horrible way I feel I know that I will keep being what I want. Nothing can stop me! Plus this weight has to go! no better time to get rid of it than now!
Perfect timing, not at all! every time I stand up I get delirious! I am feeling better but I feel like a balloon!!!! Uh I hate this feeling. So I am still thinking about going to the gym today. Maybe sweat this fever out. Although it did break because of the advil. I also feel very very soar and wiped out. But I don't want any of it to stop me!
My mom gave me a concoction this morning of apple cider vinegar/honey/cinnamon. It was so gross but it helped with my throat within an half hour! WOW!
So anyway! despite the horrible way I feel I know that I will keep being what I want. Nothing can stop me! Plus this weight has to go! no better time to get rid of it than now!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
YAY! I did it!!!
I singed my life away! HAHA!
I signed up for the gym yesterday!!!!
Please be happy for me! I am so excited to be going back! best part of all my baby LOVES the kids area!!!! she wouldn't leave and as soon as I put her down she RAN away from me! I know it will provide her with great exercise every day! She will have loads of fun and interaction with other kids... while momma gets her fitness on!!!! I actually start tomorrow!!!! YAY ME! unless I decide to go tonight after baby goes to sleep???
It so sounds like an idea! All I know is I'm extremely happy that I was able so shed the 4lbs that I gained from thanksgiving! Cause I was feeling very crappy this past weekend with all that extra weight. Although I was really bad last night. After writing the check for my gym membership... I finished off the bag of Salt and Vinegar chips I bought last week and forgot about! Great! hehe, its ok its almost TOM and I kind of needed it. Feeling a lil bloated but not too much thank god!
Over all I am in a much better mood! I had a wonderful thanksgiving weekend. Thanksgiving day was hell, Baby was soo bad! but after alot of sleep between thur night and fri. Sat and sun she was so pleasant and we really enjoyed ever second together! I know that when I am home I always feel centered. it is my place to be. I also know that after a while I need time out and to let lose. But I feel that being out too much I start to lose everything around me. Also with all this pent up frustration and stress going to the gym will wind up being my savior!
I'm also just in a being mood, I don't feel happy/sad/up/down... I just kind am being/living/doing. it feels very calming actually. I have a packed schedule starting tomorrow, and I am kind of just going through it and enjoying it.
I am off to live for the rest of the day! my busy days have almost become joyous to a point! I know it wont last forever. my weekend of solitude brings joy between my busyness!
LOVE TODAY TOMORROW AND YOURSELF!!! XOXOXOXO
I signed up for the gym yesterday!!!!
Please be happy for me! I am so excited to be going back! best part of all my baby LOVES the kids area!!!! she wouldn't leave and as soon as I put her down she RAN away from me! I know it will provide her with great exercise every day! She will have loads of fun and interaction with other kids... while momma gets her fitness on!!!! I actually start tomorrow!!!! YAY ME! unless I decide to go tonight after baby goes to sleep???
It so sounds like an idea! All I know is I'm extremely happy that I was able so shed the 4lbs that I gained from thanksgiving! Cause I was feeling very crappy this past weekend with all that extra weight. Although I was really bad last night. After writing the check for my gym membership... I finished off the bag of Salt and Vinegar chips I bought last week and forgot about! Great! hehe, its ok its almost TOM and I kind of needed it. Feeling a lil bloated but not too much thank god!
Over all I am in a much better mood! I had a wonderful thanksgiving weekend. Thanksgiving day was hell, Baby was soo bad! but after alot of sleep between thur night and fri. Sat and sun she was so pleasant and we really enjoyed ever second together! I know that when I am home I always feel centered. it is my place to be. I also know that after a while I need time out and to let lose. But I feel that being out too much I start to lose everything around me. Also with all this pent up frustration and stress going to the gym will wind up being my savior!
I'm also just in a being mood, I don't feel happy/sad/up/down... I just kind am being/living/doing. it feels very calming actually. I have a packed schedule starting tomorrow, and I am kind of just going through it and enjoying it.
I am off to live for the rest of the day! my busy days have almost become joyous to a point! I know it wont last forever. my weekend of solitude brings joy between my busyness!
LOVE TODAY TOMORROW AND YOURSELF!!! XOXOXOXO
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Shifting my perspective
So I am going to shift my perspective today. I have been really down for the past 4 days. I met up with a lovely lady named jen last night. Who happens to be a writer, and we both came to the same conculsion.
When we are not writing our world falls apart!
So why am I putting myself in that situation? Understandable I have been super busy at work but that is not an excuse for my mental health. I can not rely on other to vent to because I know I only get more worked up. I can always work through my own problems within my writings. I always feel better and have an outstanding day, because I put into perspective where I am, where I want to be, and What I am being to get where I want!
I know many times the things I say might not make too much sense to some but to others, I can demonstrate that being is a way of life. Being who I want to be to get what I want.
I love myself I love my life, its just some days I dont feel like being much. Granted these days will always happen. I will always have an off day or week. Mostly on those days I dont write. I need space and time to be myself. To be able to express myself for self understanding and acceptance. I dont blog for others. I never have. I love my blog community but we all know that I am a lone blogger. (haha that sounds so funny!)
Ok so anyway, where have I been in the past few weeks that brings me to this point. I have let go of the past I have moved on and in doing so sometimes I try to remember why I was there, should I go back to having those feelings or being that way? Than I think to myself no, cause it doesn't matter I have moved on! And in moving on I feel empty. Not because I have moved on unwillingly. I have let go of my past, and in that light hearted feeling. I kind of feel lost. My ways and perspective has changed into something else. And in that is where I feel lost. I have no reaction set to fall back on no known area to relate to.
and even though in the beginning the feeling was uplifting and powerful. Sometimes I feel like I used my past as a crutch. And in doing so now I only have myself to hold onto. Which is a wonderful ideology and way of being. Yet, since all of this is still new, my legs are shaky and have yet to find their stance. Along with the onslaught of crap constantly hitting me! I am overwhelmed and flying by the seat of my pants over here! My mind needs focus my life needs focus and I need order! I need to reset priorities and have an agenda that stays set in stone. A way of order within my chaos to calm me.
Now the question is what are my priorities: My daughter, my business, my family. After that is friends and going out or doing what I want. My dilemma, the more I'm out networking, the more my business can grow. Yet I've been spending the wrong focus when it comes to my business in networking. I have not been around the correct people. I need to reset where I am and what I am doing. There is time to just be with friends and there is time to be networking. These are two vastly different focuses. I need to understand this! And I need to lighten up on myself. I have been in a very bad habit of brow beating myself. The harsher I am on myself the worse things are going to be.
I am focusing on adjusting how I react and what my focus is. I have no crutch so its all up to me. My actions, decisions, focus, all of this is my choice! I have a choice! I can not let other influence me or persuade me in any sort of direction. I am different I am independent. I am strong in my beliefs, and most importantly I am loving in everything that I do. I have not shown much love to the people around me. I have been shielding and reserving it solely for my daughter. But there is no limit to love. I can share with everyone and never worry about not having enough for her. She is my world. But I am part of a world where love is lacking. Why can't I be the light in people's day, bring a smile to someone's face. The more I love the world around me the more my daughter will learn to love too. Especially in this hard transition for her. Understanding that love is limitless and that being vulnerable and open to what is around us can benefit her in ways that I can not. I am jaded I am already formed. Yes I can change but everyone can regress. My baby has the opportunity to start with love and only know a positive and happy world. I want to share that with her.
So shifting my perspective, I am going to stand on my own two feet in the name of love, in the name of vulnerability and acceptance. I am going to take strides in what I do. Set a clear intent to what I do. Focus on the journey as well as the outcome! And most importantly I am going to recommit to this every day! I might falter I might sway, yet knowing that I can get right back up and start over means it will be ok! What happen 20 min ago can not change what will happen 5 min from now. Its about being who I am and what I want to be within this moment. Not waiting for the moment to come or pass... but to embrace it.
I will embrace what I have and accept that I am powerful enough to take on any and all challenges. Nothing can hold me back and nothing should hold me back. Being strong not for myself but for the world of love around me!
And you want to know where I am going to start? IN THE GYM! I need to focus and refocus my energy of feeling better about myself along with being and sharing my love. I want to love myself and feel better about myself.. More than I already do! I am being more in tune with my body and how I feel. the past few days that emotionally I have been upset and withdrawn I have been in constant pain... These two things go hand in hand. They are not what I want and if I don't want them I have the choice to change it! I have a choice to live my life my way! I am making the changes to be what I want!
When we are not writing our world falls apart!
So why am I putting myself in that situation? Understandable I have been super busy at work but that is not an excuse for my mental health. I can not rely on other to vent to because I know I only get more worked up. I can always work through my own problems within my writings. I always feel better and have an outstanding day, because I put into perspective where I am, where I want to be, and What I am being to get where I want!
I know many times the things I say might not make too much sense to some but to others, I can demonstrate that being is a way of life. Being who I want to be to get what I want.
I love myself I love my life, its just some days I dont feel like being much. Granted these days will always happen. I will always have an off day or week. Mostly on those days I dont write. I need space and time to be myself. To be able to express myself for self understanding and acceptance. I dont blog for others. I never have. I love my blog community but we all know that I am a lone blogger. (haha that sounds so funny!)
Ok so anyway, where have I been in the past few weeks that brings me to this point. I have let go of the past I have moved on and in doing so sometimes I try to remember why I was there, should I go back to having those feelings or being that way? Than I think to myself no, cause it doesn't matter I have moved on! And in moving on I feel empty. Not because I have moved on unwillingly. I have let go of my past, and in that light hearted feeling. I kind of feel lost. My ways and perspective has changed into something else. And in that is where I feel lost. I have no reaction set to fall back on no known area to relate to.
and even though in the beginning the feeling was uplifting and powerful. Sometimes I feel like I used my past as a crutch. And in doing so now I only have myself to hold onto. Which is a wonderful ideology and way of being. Yet, since all of this is still new, my legs are shaky and have yet to find their stance. Along with the onslaught of crap constantly hitting me! I am overwhelmed and flying by the seat of my pants over here! My mind needs focus my life needs focus and I need order! I need to reset priorities and have an agenda that stays set in stone. A way of order within my chaos to calm me.
Now the question is what are my priorities: My daughter, my business, my family. After that is friends and going out or doing what I want. My dilemma, the more I'm out networking, the more my business can grow. Yet I've been spending the wrong focus when it comes to my business in networking. I have not been around the correct people. I need to reset where I am and what I am doing. There is time to just be with friends and there is time to be networking. These are two vastly different focuses. I need to understand this! And I need to lighten up on myself. I have been in a very bad habit of brow beating myself. The harsher I am on myself the worse things are going to be.
I am focusing on adjusting how I react and what my focus is. I have no crutch so its all up to me. My actions, decisions, focus, all of this is my choice! I have a choice! I can not let other influence me or persuade me in any sort of direction. I am different I am independent. I am strong in my beliefs, and most importantly I am loving in everything that I do. I have not shown much love to the people around me. I have been shielding and reserving it solely for my daughter. But there is no limit to love. I can share with everyone and never worry about not having enough for her. She is my world. But I am part of a world where love is lacking. Why can't I be the light in people's day, bring a smile to someone's face. The more I love the world around me the more my daughter will learn to love too. Especially in this hard transition for her. Understanding that love is limitless and that being vulnerable and open to what is around us can benefit her in ways that I can not. I am jaded I am already formed. Yes I can change but everyone can regress. My baby has the opportunity to start with love and only know a positive and happy world. I want to share that with her.
So shifting my perspective, I am going to stand on my own two feet in the name of love, in the name of vulnerability and acceptance. I am going to take strides in what I do. Set a clear intent to what I do. Focus on the journey as well as the outcome! And most importantly I am going to recommit to this every day! I might falter I might sway, yet knowing that I can get right back up and start over means it will be ok! What happen 20 min ago can not change what will happen 5 min from now. Its about being who I am and what I want to be within this moment. Not waiting for the moment to come or pass... but to embrace it.
I will embrace what I have and accept that I am powerful enough to take on any and all challenges. Nothing can hold me back and nothing should hold me back. Being strong not for myself but for the world of love around me!
And you want to know where I am going to start? IN THE GYM! I need to focus and refocus my energy of feeling better about myself along with being and sharing my love. I want to love myself and feel better about myself.. More than I already do! I am being more in tune with my body and how I feel. the past few days that emotionally I have been upset and withdrawn I have been in constant pain... These two things go hand in hand. They are not what I want and if I don't want them I have the choice to change it! I have a choice to live my life my way! I am making the changes to be what I want!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
new pants
I am thinking in another week im going to need new pants (well I have pants just switch to smaller ones) cause Im back down to 148!!! and my pants keep falling off!!!!! YAY!!!! thats all for right now. I am working towards getting back and getting ahead! making a difference and being the difference! last few days have been slumpsville but I feel great again and things are always looking up! Keeping my head up hight!
Friday, November 05, 2010
Actuall "weightloss blog" post
Today I am still 151, I am up from the 148 I was two weeks ago, but I was that low because I just wasn't eating. Problem is I am eating about 2000 or so cal a day! Now why? because that enables me to eat anything and everything my little heart desires! In there is the kicker! If I shed out a few cal oh 500 or so, I could start losing weight. Along with starting to work out I am set for a great way to really start getting back the body that I want! Now to just start to regulate myself. This has become very hard this week with being sick and being that TOM, everything feels like its up in the air.
You know when you just have those off days. Yea, its been an off week for me. But I am determined to BE much more conscious of what I am doing! I finally have fizzie tabs again. So I will have energy and feel much more alive! THANK GOD! my cfs has been really bad these past two weeks with the weather change. But I have been pushing past all of that. Things will be getting better, I know they will. I have to be what I want before getting what I want. And really staying focused on living for now and what I have in my life.
But tonight I am going to be doing major de-cluttering.. Thank god, I feel like it will clear my mind and help me refocus and take on a new page in my life. Losing weight! ALL AROUND! Losing the baggage and the love handles! hehehe! My goal by the end of the year is 140! that is just shy of 2 months and 10lbs. I can do that. I need to keep this weight off too. I think that's where the gym will sooo come in handy! I cant wait!!!!
My outlook is very positive I just need to stick with it! I want to stick with it. and I need to be consistant!
You know when you just have those off days. Yea, its been an off week for me. But I am determined to BE much more conscious of what I am doing! I finally have fizzie tabs again. So I will have energy and feel much more alive! THANK GOD! my cfs has been really bad these past two weeks with the weather change. But I have been pushing past all of that. Things will be getting better, I know they will. I have to be what I want before getting what I want. And really staying focused on living for now and what I have in my life.
But tonight I am going to be doing major de-cluttering.. Thank god, I feel like it will clear my mind and help me refocus and take on a new page in my life. Losing weight! ALL AROUND! Losing the baggage and the love handles! hehehe! My goal by the end of the year is 140! that is just shy of 2 months and 10lbs. I can do that. I need to keep this weight off too. I think that's where the gym will sooo come in handy! I cant wait!!!!
My outlook is very positive I just need to stick with it! I want to stick with it. and I need to be consistant!
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
On the rocks
What I feel odd is that me and my daughter sometimes feel like we are on the rocks... The split is hard enough, but me and her are always fighting now. Yes, she is two. I just get this vibe that she does not want to be with me. Other times we are fine, but its like an overwhelming feeling of hurt and resentment on her end. She gets me so worked up tho, and always pushes my last nerve. Problem is if I try to stay calm and just assert authority as her mother without yelling or getting mad she starts crying because she gets upset???? My mom is really helping to get through this, its just not easy at all. Although she did sleep most of the night in her new bed!!!
I am happy that she sort of likes her new bed. But I sometimes feel like I'm having a pissing contest with her father for who can do more and better to make her happier... Which is just not cool at all! I don't want her to favor one over the other. Or who gives her more, does more, whatever. But it is not easy. I was thinking to buy her the buzz and woody plush dolls, to add to her collection, but honestly I can get them for her for Christmas! I'm doing as best I can for her right now. She does not need material things to make her happy! I know it will be a tug a war, for quite a while but I refuse to give in!!!!! Most importantly I can't let it upset me! I need to be strong and keep myself whole to be there for her. I refuse to compare or be better than anyone else I will do my thing and that's it! Just remembering this will help tremendously!!!
As for me, because of this I feel myself slipping, I know its that time of month, I know that its the change in weather... but honestly! I am looking for improvement and change! Brighten up my surroundings!!! Give more love, more of myself and be vulnerable enough to show who I am! Currently I am also sick which isn't helping but I have to just put mind over matter and overcome that!
Weight loss wise I am apparently back to my old ways I eat everything and anything I want and just stay the same.. which is not where I want to be! I'm still getting my finances in order to start up my gym membership. I am excited about that! I have much to look forward to be where I want to be, and at least I know what I want! Which is so important. Sometimes I feel like I lose that, but I find it again in time. I also know that soon enough I will have it too! Getting through the hurdles are what I need to focus on right now.
Also this is an idea that I have been toying around with the past few days living minimally aka under 100 items. now I have though about getting rid of clutter bla bla bla, I am paperless for gods sakes! I don't know if the number really means much to me as more the idea. Living within my means, I have a washer/dryer why do I need 10000000 million/bazillion sock? do I need 50 different pj's? does my daughter need more cloths/shoes she is just going to grow out of? She has about a dozen stuffed animals at my house, I had a collection of over 300 stuffed animals( I got rid of those), did having them or not having them change things for me? DO I NEED ALL THIS EXTRA STUFF???
I feel like I need to do a major inventory, to really figure out what I need and dont need... Bags I have not touched? can i really part with them? what about shoes, I need new shoes can I get rid of old ones? Like my daughter only has 1 bowl and 3 plates and 2 sippy cups. That's ALL she needs... I need to go on a diet! Get rid of my excess baggage! for the past three years I did not accumulate anything new for myself. but being back at my parents I have stuff I left behind... I think its finally time to overcome more than just being paperless. Granted I will keep most of my bags, BUT do I NEED all of them? Can I get rid of 5 cheep bags and buy one good one? can I do that 10 times over? so I have 10 bags instead of 50? I have 4 pairs of boots, 1 I NEVER wear, 2 are ruined and the last one I wear almost every day. Can I get rid of the other 3? when I have the money buy the boots Ive wanted? but why hold on to 3 for no reason?
These are alot of questions for myself to face. I guess its hard to get rid of so much. But things need to change right? My business is growing, I have no inventory, why should I carry personal inventory of items I no longer need or use. Honestly, I prob will never be able to get rid of most of my cloths, but I could get rid of my maternity cloths, I could do with fewer socks, all my "crappy" shirts I can get rid of... There is alot of improvements I can make slowly... Even though this is coming all about at once. Seeing how this weekend I am going to be getting a storage unit for all my "stuff", Although Im not getting rid of my kitchen things and household linens. Along with decorations. Yet, there is much That I can do! That maybe... just maybe I can get a smaller unit! (cause god knows I cant keep on using my parents dining room as a storage bin).
well this is just whats going on in my life, maybe me and my daughter feel too cramped and its causing problems? who knows... but change is coming personally, professionally (well moving upwards), and emotionally!
I am being optimistic today, along with love!
I am happy that she sort of likes her new bed. But I sometimes feel like I'm having a pissing contest with her father for who can do more and better to make her happier... Which is just not cool at all! I don't want her to favor one over the other. Or who gives her more, does more, whatever. But it is not easy. I was thinking to buy her the buzz and woody plush dolls, to add to her collection, but honestly I can get them for her for Christmas! I'm doing as best I can for her right now. She does not need material things to make her happy! I know it will be a tug a war, for quite a while but I refuse to give in!!!!! Most importantly I can't let it upset me! I need to be strong and keep myself whole to be there for her. I refuse to compare or be better than anyone else I will do my thing and that's it! Just remembering this will help tremendously!!!
As for me, because of this I feel myself slipping, I know its that time of month, I know that its the change in weather... but honestly! I am looking for improvement and change! Brighten up my surroundings!!! Give more love, more of myself and be vulnerable enough to show who I am! Currently I am also sick which isn't helping but I have to just put mind over matter and overcome that!
Weight loss wise I am apparently back to my old ways I eat everything and anything I want and just stay the same.. which is not where I want to be! I'm still getting my finances in order to start up my gym membership. I am excited about that! I have much to look forward to be where I want to be, and at least I know what I want! Which is so important. Sometimes I feel like I lose that, but I find it again in time. I also know that soon enough I will have it too! Getting through the hurdles are what I need to focus on right now.
Also this is an idea that I have been toying around with the past few days living minimally aka under 100 items. now I have though about getting rid of clutter bla bla bla, I am paperless for gods sakes! I don't know if the number really means much to me as more the idea. Living within my means, I have a washer/dryer why do I need 10000000 million/bazillion sock? do I need 50 different pj's? does my daughter need more cloths/shoes she is just going to grow out of? She has about a dozen stuffed animals at my house, I had a collection of over 300 stuffed animals( I got rid of those), did having them or not having them change things for me? DO I NEED ALL THIS EXTRA STUFF???
I feel like I need to do a major inventory, to really figure out what I need and dont need... Bags I have not touched? can i really part with them? what about shoes, I need new shoes can I get rid of old ones? Like my daughter only has 1 bowl and 3 plates and 2 sippy cups. That's ALL she needs... I need to go on a diet! Get rid of my excess baggage! for the past three years I did not accumulate anything new for myself. but being back at my parents I have stuff I left behind... I think its finally time to overcome more than just being paperless. Granted I will keep most of my bags, BUT do I NEED all of them? Can I get rid of 5 cheep bags and buy one good one? can I do that 10 times over? so I have 10 bags instead of 50? I have 4 pairs of boots, 1 I NEVER wear, 2 are ruined and the last one I wear almost every day. Can I get rid of the other 3? when I have the money buy the boots Ive wanted? but why hold on to 3 for no reason?
These are alot of questions for myself to face. I guess its hard to get rid of so much. But things need to change right? My business is growing, I have no inventory, why should I carry personal inventory of items I no longer need or use. Honestly, I prob will never be able to get rid of most of my cloths, but I could get rid of my maternity cloths, I could do with fewer socks, all my "crappy" shirts I can get rid of... There is alot of improvements I can make slowly... Even though this is coming all about at once. Seeing how this weekend I am going to be getting a storage unit for all my "stuff", Although Im not getting rid of my kitchen things and household linens. Along with decorations. Yet, there is much That I can do! That maybe... just maybe I can get a smaller unit! (cause god knows I cant keep on using my parents dining room as a storage bin).
well this is just whats going on in my life, maybe me and my daughter feel too cramped and its causing problems? who knows... but change is coming personally, professionally (well moving upwards), and emotionally!
I am being optimistic today, along with love!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Excited!!! BEYOND BELIEF!!!
So I really dont know how I am holding in all this excitement but....
MY BFF IS STAYING IN NY!!!!
Now I know this means nothing to you all but... this girl:
Does not live in the US, Ive been friends with her since the 5th grade. We are inseparable! Except for the ocean the physical distance that keeps us separated. Well this morning she just informed me that her job here in NY, will continue! They asked her to stay!!!! So even though she isn't exactly here in the same area as I am she is in the same state and only a train ride away! Enough for me to see her 1-2 time a month instead of once every 3 years!!!! And seeing how she is on my cell phone plan... I get to talk to her WHENEVER!!!!!
I am happier than a pig in shit! I will be picking her up from the train this afternoon and I have the weekend with her!!! I am so happy! My horoscope said that an old dream will come true, one that I have given up hope on... well..... I know this is a dream come true!
Will I always see her..no, thats cool we lead two very different lives. I am very busy and she works 15 hour days. Yet we make the time to be completely involved in each others lives. Even tho, me and animals dont get along (she works with horses) and ms bff and kids do not mesh (as I am a mother). HAHA! its the weirdest thing to put us together, she is tall I am short. We might be opposite in so many ways but she is my soul mate and knows everything about me. she loves and accepts everything about me, and this goes both ways!
She is second only to my daughter, and she knows this! (does wonders for her ego), But I can finally say even tho I am a home body and dont do much, she brings out the best/worst in me! I am going to enjoy spending once a month late nights parting it up in the city. I never have before and I think its time I start enjoying it! It so won't be all the time but I am going to love it when it happens than go back to my life of solitude...Although I wouldn't call my crazy life solitude... but at the end of the night I enjoy most being at home and cuddling in the living room just hangn out with my mom, and if my daughter would cooperate her too!
Best part of all is ms bff, goes back home to iceland for the holidays... so what is a girl to do? I have my sis (aka cuz) coming from italy!!! for those two weeks!!! And I am going to enjoy that more than anything. it has been three years since I have seen her. And I am soo excited! at lest I wont be babysitting 2 people while with my daughter... haha! cause we all know people from out of town soo need to be babysat! But I have loads of work to do before my cuz gets here! AND I CAN'T wait!!!!
My life is exciting and invigorating! Day after Day! Maybe some times I have low points but they are nothing in comparison to the high I feel most of the time!!!!
Being excited! What are you being today???
MY BFF IS STAYING IN NY!!!!
Now I know this means nothing to you all but... this girl:
Does not live in the US, Ive been friends with her since the 5th grade. We are inseparable! Except for the ocean the physical distance that keeps us separated. Well this morning she just informed me that her job here in NY, will continue! They asked her to stay!!!! So even though she isn't exactly here in the same area as I am she is in the same state and only a train ride away! Enough for me to see her 1-2 time a month instead of once every 3 years!!!! And seeing how she is on my cell phone plan... I get to talk to her WHENEVER!!!!!
I am happier than a pig in shit! I will be picking her up from the train this afternoon and I have the weekend with her!!! I am so happy! My horoscope said that an old dream will come true, one that I have given up hope on... well..... I know this is a dream come true!
Will I always see her..no, thats cool we lead two very different lives. I am very busy and she works 15 hour days. Yet we make the time to be completely involved in each others lives. Even tho, me and animals dont get along (she works with horses) and ms bff and kids do not mesh (as I am a mother). HAHA! its the weirdest thing to put us together, she is tall I am short. We might be opposite in so many ways but she is my soul mate and knows everything about me. she loves and accepts everything about me, and this goes both ways!
She is second only to my daughter, and she knows this! (does wonders for her ego), But I can finally say even tho I am a home body and dont do much, she brings out the best/worst in me! I am going to enjoy spending once a month late nights parting it up in the city. I never have before and I think its time I start enjoying it! It so won't be all the time but I am going to love it when it happens than go back to my life of solitude...Although I wouldn't call my crazy life solitude... but at the end of the night I enjoy most being at home and cuddling in the living room just hangn out with my mom, and if my daughter would cooperate her too!
Best part of all is ms bff, goes back home to iceland for the holidays... so what is a girl to do? I have my sis (aka cuz) coming from italy!!! for those two weeks!!! And I am going to enjoy that more than anything. it has been three years since I have seen her. And I am soo excited! at lest I wont be babysitting 2 people while with my daughter... haha! cause we all know people from out of town soo need to be babysat! But I have loads of work to do before my cuz gets here! AND I CAN'T wait!!!!
My life is exciting and invigorating! Day after Day! Maybe some times I have low points but they are nothing in comparison to the high I feel most of the time!!!!
Being excited! What are you being today???
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I'm going back to the gym!!!
I've decided to start up my gym membership again!!!! YAY! I loved going to the gym constantly, I really did. I have to find out some more info, but they have a child care area so I can go midday with my little one! she can have fun playing and so can mommy!!!! Right now money is tight but I plan on starting up hopefully for december. The catch is since it would be too cold to play at the park, baby can play indoors!!! they have an awesome set up for kids! She will get to run around and have loads of fun! I will try to go next weekend, while daddy has her, and see what they say. Now that I have the money I need to take care of myself! and I LOVE, to listen to music and walk/run... do whatever! its so relaxing! I am excited about this!!! VERY EXCITED!!!!
I lost 7lbs after I moved out of my ex house. I am eating much better! I just have to get back to being fit! being active and I dont want the winter to stop me! I am on a roll!!!!
I have more to do to get back on track. I had a nice long talk last night with the person that I spoke about yesterday. Ive moved on. its the most amazing feeling ever. I also got in touch with old friends, and am proactive to being committed to my daughter/happiness and business! I am spending time with friends and family that mean the world to me. and soon enough all those old patches that have held me back will be broken and I will move past any and all barriers that stand in my way.
My first goal is to get my finances in order. Once I do that I am going to be planning for the future. And than start to take advantage of things that I have not been able to for so long. The gym, buying my ebooks! Feeding my body physically and intellectually!
I want to live for now and be proactive towards my future! Things are changing! Life is happening and I am going to go full force forward!!!!
A few things in my near future are:
A gym membership
Fixing my CAR!!!!
gymnastics/swimming classes for baby
Advanced Momentum training
Trip to italy ... mommy only... :(
Vaca with the baby for the summer!!!!
Than pre-k for the baby!!!! AHHH!
wow so much to come for next year! and to think my new years resolution was to stop and smell the roses! I really have slowed down my life to enjoy it more! and because of that I can enhance and enrich it with more activities to love the life I live!!!
And this is what happens when your single with all this left over money! haha! and my business growing! WOW!!!! No one can hold me back!!!!
Onward and upward!!! Hope everyone has an empowering day!!!
I lost 7lbs after I moved out of my ex house. I am eating much better! I just have to get back to being fit! being active and I dont want the winter to stop me! I am on a roll!!!!
I have more to do to get back on track. I had a nice long talk last night with the person that I spoke about yesterday. Ive moved on. its the most amazing feeling ever. I also got in touch with old friends, and am proactive to being committed to my daughter/happiness and business! I am spending time with friends and family that mean the world to me. and soon enough all those old patches that have held me back will be broken and I will move past any and all barriers that stand in my way.
My first goal is to get my finances in order. Once I do that I am going to be planning for the future. And than start to take advantage of things that I have not been able to for so long. The gym, buying my ebooks! Feeding my body physically and intellectually!
I want to live for now and be proactive towards my future! Things are changing! Life is happening and I am going to go full force forward!!!!
A few things in my near future are:
A gym membership
Fixing my CAR!!!!
gymnastics/swimming classes for baby
Advanced Momentum training
Trip to italy ... mommy only... :(
Vaca with the baby for the summer!!!!
Than pre-k for the baby!!!! AHHH!
wow so much to come for next year! and to think my new years resolution was to stop and smell the roses! I really have slowed down my life to enjoy it more! and because of that I can enhance and enrich it with more activities to love the life I live!!!
And this is what happens when your single with all this left over money! haha! and my business growing! WOW!!!! No one can hold me back!!!!
Onward and upward!!! Hope everyone has an empowering day!!!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Today is a bad day in the middle of all the good days
So, I miss my blog dearly... I have been MIA for such a long time. It hurts not to write here. But So much has happened in the past month. I am currently a single mommy. Ain't that fun? Although I am happy about this aspect I feel much better, less stress and better over all about where my future is going. I am currently living at home with my parents. Not where I want to be but your most comfortable at home right? Anyway, its been too long for me to get my feelings out. For me to say what I want to say. I have moved on in my life from a very bad relationship. He has no idea how much I suffered, so much so that when I look back now all I see is relief. My blog knows I hurt, he still doesn't get it. But that's fine I have moved past such hurt. My dilemma right now is how do I move forward in all other aspects.
I have hurt from others still. I am working through that and being responsible for my reactions. My reactions because I have realized that I have been reacting to hurt from past situations. Hurt that never went away. And even tho it did go away and I feel better knowing about it, understanding and accepting responsibility for it. deep down inside there is still rejection, I still feel abandoned by the whole thing. Knowing that this will never be completely resolved and I may never fully walk away from this hurts. Even though I understand that my results driven, where it didn't matter what else was going on and who else was involved as long as I received what I was after. Which is wrong and I hate myself for it.
But now am I being resentful against myself? Where does this madness end? I feel like I still want to go after what I want.. But I am taking into consideration others that are apart of this, yet, where does the line get drawn? where do you give up and move on or simply keep giving in? Ive been hurt and I know I have, but that was the hurt of a 14 year old girl. its 10 years later, do I pick up the pieces and move on or stick around and wait out the storm? should I waste more time waiting? The feelings I had all those years ago were right, I was told that I was right. But what about now? am I right? do I still know what I am doing?
More importantly how do I move on and put the past behind me. It has haunted me for the past 10 years. Does it just automatically go away? or does it fade away slowly. Some days I am filled with love, other days I only have love for myself, and other days like today I feel completely rejected in every scene. rejected by the ones who do love me, rejected by myself and rejected by the world around me. But most importantly by the people that I want in my life. I know that I can not stand any level of rejection and I guess this is what my problem is but, as secure and self sufficient as I am why does it really matter?
I have hurt from others still. I am working through that and being responsible for my reactions. My reactions because I have realized that I have been reacting to hurt from past situations. Hurt that never went away. And even tho it did go away and I feel better knowing about it, understanding and accepting responsibility for it. deep down inside there is still rejection, I still feel abandoned by the whole thing. Knowing that this will never be completely resolved and I may never fully walk away from this hurts. Even though I understand that my results driven, where it didn't matter what else was going on and who else was involved as long as I received what I was after. Which is wrong and I hate myself for it.
But now am I being resentful against myself? Where does this madness end? I feel like I still want to go after what I want.. But I am taking into consideration others that are apart of this, yet, where does the line get drawn? where do you give up and move on or simply keep giving in? Ive been hurt and I know I have, but that was the hurt of a 14 year old girl. its 10 years later, do I pick up the pieces and move on or stick around and wait out the storm? should I waste more time waiting? The feelings I had all those years ago were right, I was told that I was right. But what about now? am I right? do I still know what I am doing?
More importantly how do I move on and put the past behind me. It has haunted me for the past 10 years. Does it just automatically go away? or does it fade away slowly. Some days I am filled with love, other days I only have love for myself, and other days like today I feel completely rejected in every scene. rejected by the ones who do love me, rejected by myself and rejected by the world around me. But most importantly by the people that I want in my life. I know that I can not stand any level of rejection and I guess this is what my problem is but, as secure and self sufficient as I am why does it really matter?
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