Time for the new year!

Wow I really dont know where to start. Last year my new years resolution was to stop and smell the roses. AKA to start living instead of my constant doing. A reflection of the past year. well yes I do believe that through out most of the year I have accomplished such a task. I know for sure there were periods in there that were very bleak. Some that I was only functioning to get by and other times just doing things and not being preset. Over all I feel as though through all the turmoil and change that has happened in my life I have thoroughly enjoyed 2010.I know that 2011 will be filled with more such turmoil and even greater changes. Within myself and the life around me.  But this is what I truly want. Change, change till I find where I truly fit and want to be.

I have always loved who I am. Now I have to find that love grow for where I am. Not necessarily physically but mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Finding that final resolve to enter into a domain of complete vulnerability. Letting go of each last shred of guilt and insecurities. Taking the right direction into being more than I have ever been. Stretching further than I ever have. Wielding the power and potential that I have closed off within me. I have made huge leaps, leaps of faith, leaps of understanding, leaps to let go of what once held me hostage.

Its been these steps in the right direction that have propelled my life forward. Helped me make changes, be able to understand and accept who I am, in the effort to better my self and my world. To be love, to be a mother for the first time and to be understanding and compassionate. Not for myself but for others, for the giving to give. Realizing that I can never have enough love and dedication to others, while still loving and giving to myself. I have an awesome ability to handle any onset. I have abandoned my ideology of the self and gained one of dedication.

I am breaking free from the box that I live my life within.There is no more comfort zone there is no more control. Putting myself out there with the dedication to the act of being what I want to be. Not to dedicate to the act of having. I have all I need. I have all I have ever wanted. I wanted love, I said it a thousand times, yet I forgot to look at my daughter. I wanted freedom, yet I forgot to look at my strong will. I wanted success, yet forgot to look at how far I have come. Everything has always been there. Everything has always had a place. I seek more out of my years, if I didn't there would be no need to continue living. Yet I am at peace. Peace to know what I wanted I have and what I seek is to build on what I already have.

Where does all this progress take me in 2011, A new type of freedom. A new type of destination. Freedom from a 14 year old, freedom from circumstances, freedom from fear. Mostly a destination of happiness and love. A destination of success in any and all endeavors small or large. Every step I take is to be filled with potential and power, strength and most importantly love and dedication. The integrity to move forward and keep moving. The integrity to have laser beam focus. The integrity of my word, for even the slightest things.  The ability to let go of things that are not mine to judge or understand. The ability to be self sufficient, relying on my sole determination and self love. Yet at the same time loving those around me fully and accepting and understanding them.

Most importantly I CHOOSE to stop, before I look, stop, before I choose, and stop before I vote. The stops along the way will truly help me assess the situations around me. but I will be able to stop and absorb the love and give love while I make my choices in life. Stopping to listen to my heart, stopping to recognize what I am truly doing/saying/being. Am I being love? Am I being vulnerable? Am I being dedicated and compassionate?

I know that if I were to stop every time I made some sort of choice or decision and asked myself if I am being love?, or if I am being vulnerable and compassionate while being dedicated to my goals and beliefs, I can truly live a life of humble happiness!

For 2011, I truly feel that it is time to be more with less. There is so much chaos within material and emotional baggage I feel a huge purge is necessary. necessary for life and love! Letting go of what is unwanted and unneeded to be filled with more love and passion! Also within this is the dedication to stay on the right path, within weight loss, within being paperless, within being pure, safe and beneficial. I have taken these same steps before, I have lost my way recently. It is time that I learn the ways that my life is truly meant to be.

I am embracing this new year wholeheartedly! I wish you all the best for 2011!

weight

So my weight is way up this holiday season! I am determined to make the change to get back on track. My weight is truly upsetting me. I am willing to go to the gym more for my overall health and as a new years resolution. There is so much that I want for this coming year. So much to change and work on. so much improvements. I am determined to make this year a very healthy one for me and my daughter. Also one of financial freedom and independence. These past 3 months have been nice but let me tell you its not easy. I plan on making major changes this year! and jan will just be the start! Going to the gym will only be a small part and it will also be a huge part! I plan to start ASAP also! I am not waiting for the new year to take action im not waiting for something else to come along. This month has been very very long. Everything has been thrown about and I know nothing will stop me from what I truly want!

I am off to be productive! I have been siting around all day today and yesterday due to the snow... NO MORE!

Off to BE BE BE!!!! I want to be WHOLE I want to be Passionate loving, caring and dedicated! I will be focused and have laser beam focus all along the way!

I love who I am and the life I choose to live... Now its time to take that choice and ride like the wind!!!!

XOXO everyone I hope you all had a fab holiday! I love you all!

OY

The highs and lows come and go where they stop no one knows!
So my bestie lefts shit hit the fan.... and than life goes on... where does all this shit stop? Why do all good things have to be paired with a downer? well whatever it is.. right now im good!
My other bestie that lives in the UK happens to be coming back at the end of jan! OMG I am super excited! So yet again I will be busy with someone so important to me in my life... The only good thing about this friend is she is very independent has her own car and can make her own decisions I dont have to baby sit her! Which will be very nice!

Also Lets see... I have gained back any lost weight... just the way this past weekend went I was at a diner 2x in 12 hours.. than out to a bbq place for dinner... even though all the food was amazing... I need to do things differently... no more eating out! hell no more eating! I did start going to the gym the other day! I spent an hour and a half sweating my ass off! I enjoyed every second of it! I will also be going this afternoon!!!

As for xmas... I am not ready and I know im stressn because of it... but its ok... everything will work itself out in the end. I know it will... anyway... There isnt much else to say.
I will be starting my lifeboard tonight... And I will be doing alot more on here soon enough..

But for right now... no I will be busy busy busy... my life just keeps on gettin in the way. I will also be starting my custody battle after the new year! YAY what fun... not. I am keeping my head up everything will work itself out!

I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! I will see everyone after the holidays! xoxo

2 steps forward 10 steps back!

So I am all ready to get started with the gym today! got stuff I gotta get done. My business is BOOMING! and BAM! I get sick!

Perfect timing, not at all! every time I stand up I get delirious! I am feeling better but I feel like a balloon!!!! Uh I hate this feeling. So I am still thinking about going to the gym today. Maybe sweat this fever out. Although it did break because of the advil. I also feel very very soar and wiped out. But I don't want any of it to stop me!
My mom gave me a concoction this morning of apple cider vinegar/honey/cinnamon. It was so gross but it helped with my throat within an half hour! WOW!

So anyway! despite the horrible way I feel I know that I will keep being what I want. Nothing can stop me! Plus this weight has to go! no better time to get rid of it than now!