Monday, November 30, 2009

EA Active -More Sports

So I got my new EA Active the other day. I tried it out and all I have to say it how much I love the new one. It is much better than the first one but is soo much a continuation of the first game. If you didn't have the first EA Active you will not realize how much better this one was. I feel that you also won't reap the full benifits of the new game if you didn't have the first one. I love the non-remote additions to the game. They foucs on stretching and an amazing cool down. It was great! and it soo isn't a game you can get bored by. The scenery is fantastic and the redisign of the workout structure makes your actual workout better all around. The totourial of what kind of a workout you are getting and the information that they give you is also much more in detailed than the last game. I call it a game but it really is soo much more.
Now as for yesterday, I know that I told you all that we were making plans for our move in June. Well yesterday was our 2 year aniversery. I never had such a miserable day my entier life. It is all due to hubby's family and expecially his no good brother. I mean I went for an hour walk yesterday, I didn't talk to hubby for a few hours. It was really bad. I told him either he moves with me or I move out without him. I can not stand to be here any longer. It has been hard these past few days expecially. I have completly written off my brother -in-law. Since I know he doesn't have a kind or considerate bone in his body I am just refusing to deal with him or talk to him. It will make things better for me. I will also not talk to hubby in front of him and if hubby wants to spend time with me he has to do it without his brother! I am not going to take any more of his shit and hubby knows it. As for moving out, I don't know how we will do it. Of course it won't be ASAP but I hope by March the latest. I am already calling a few people to see options and what they have to offer. I will continue to do so till we find the right place at the right time.
As for furniture and what not, well, I have concluded that we will take my hubby's grandmother's china closet. and that we will buy a table and some small living room furniture. Nothing big, just simple for us. I am going to take the china cabinet for storage( kitchen space is limited) and also for dipslay of breakable items cause of the baby. So it will be two fold and be well used. I know we have to buy plates and glasses and that is all we need for the kitchen we have everything else. Don't ask how I plan to accomplish all of this all at once but it will be done. I also plan on getting rid of everything and anything that is unwanted and unused from here till then. I will not clutter up my apartment because it is bound to be quite small. I will make this work! I know I can and life will be happier cheaper and simpler out of this house of hell.
Now, till then Hubby said I should buy a little tiny pantry and keep it in the basement, I am thinking about using the small cabinet in the kitchen that we use for baking goods, putting all our stuff in there and putting all their stuff in the full size pantry to keep things seperate. Most things in the small cabinet are mine anyway. I just have to add all the other things that are mine, The funny thing is my mother in law would freak to realize that everything in her pantry would be GONE!!!! cause I paid for most of it. oh well, we will see how far these next few weeks take us. I am hoping to do my taxes by Jan 31. This way I can get our full refund by the end of Febuary and we can move at that point. I will be clearing out all of our bills this month and next month. Nothing will be left. I will pay off as much as I can on everything and lower all my monthly bills to be able to afford monthly rent of $900. And fortunatly rent prices have gone down in the past few weeks. There are much more $900 apt for rent. And even one for $850! I will keep you all updated. I have much work to do but I am sure that it will all be done and ready to go...
I will post more later.

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Sorry for the lack of posts, I have not been feeling myself lately. Also I have been super busy with life. I will be on here more as soon as things start to calm down again... I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday and that you are all doing well.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

stress reducer

So, I find my ownly stress reducer is when things finally fall back into place. Now, for the past few days everything has been a complete mess! Home AND work related. It is the end of our Fiscal year for my company, and also with the holidays we have been doing mailings. Not to mention the short week. So For the past week at work has been quite aray, which is why I have not been posting. I have been working hand in hand with my boss constantly. Now he is one of those people that don't let you work. Uh, I am so happy most days its just me in my office by myself. I get so much accomplished! Well anyway today finally, my boss left me to my own devices and I finished up all the work for the week and caught up on other things that needed to be done. I am pleased to be back on schedule with my work.

As for the home front... WE GOT THE ROTORS!!!! I got a pleasant call at 7:45 this morning that the rotors that came in MATCH! I love when things go right. After I got that phone call I was able to start relaxing and not stress soo damn much! So its a good assumption that sometime within the next 4 days my car (by baby) will be back to her old self. Tomorrow I might get to it, we don't have dinner till 5:30, and it's at family so I don't have to cook. But I do have to make 2 pies. So that will have to get done. Now Friday is completely shot. I still don't even know whats going on, its almost if I might have to say home. We just have to see how it all goes.

I do have to say that I am sooo looking forward to this weekend, I am super excited to try and catch up on some sleep. I know hubby is starting to feel a little better too, which is great. We though for a day or 2 that he might of had to go BACK to the doc... But the antibiotic is starting to work. Thank god!

Little by little things are getting back to what they were. Now, I just have to get back on my way to lose weight. I have slacked like you wouldn't believe! Yesterday I weighed in at 146, but I think alot of it was water weight. I have been having to pee every 5 min, But I am still eating more than I should be. I am starting to cut back again, yet I find myself helpless through all this stress to cook, So for lunch or breakfast or both I have been relying on PBJ's soo bad! its only 390 cal but still, if it keeps on adding up or I decide to be a little generous it jumps to 450! Not to mention that I have been snaking here and there.

Me and hubby both have been feeling the burden, yesterday he felt the same as me. We both want to eat a big full meal but are trying to fill the void with snacks... to no avail.

So I have decided that I am going to make a nice dinner tonight. I have no idea what I will be making. But I have to cook up baby's veggies. Oh I am going to be soo happy, I really have wanted veggies but have had no will power to cook. So I will be making veggies tonight and I want to try something new. Something super yummy.

Any ideas? but remember that hubby doesnt eat veggies... I have the ingredient for clam chowder, but I don't know. Maybe if I do something along with it. Oh! I know, I should do scallops! only problem is I do not have a car to go to the fish market... :( so lets see, I can do scallops and clam chowder on Friday... I know what I am going to do, I have my grandmother's dumpling recipe that I can do, I think hubby will like it! ok well I will be making that for dinner.

Damn I really have to start doing meal planing!
Wednesday: dumplings/beef cubes (dumplings for baby with mushrooms)
Thursday: thanksgiving, make cranberry pie and pumpkin pie (Baby??- rice/stuffing/sweetpotatos/mashed potatos/anything else she wants)
Friday: new England clam chowder and scallops for dinner, lunch eat out (whiting for the baby) (rice and veggies for lunch for baby)
Saturday: Hamburgers/hotdogs with corn for lunch, Pasta with red sauce for dinner (pasta for baby) (carrots for baby for lunch)
Sunday: chicken sandwiches for lunch, bbq ribs with french fries (fries and veggies for baby) (yogurt with oatmeal for lunch for baby)

yea I know that all that doesn't sound like someone that is on a diet but that's the kind of diet that helped me lose 15lbs, I'm weird! Anyway I will also be sub-ing for myself with veggies instead of french fries and I won't eat chicken on bread so I will be eating chicken with veggies. For the hamburgers/hot dogs I don't eat them with bread.... yea I will eat everything else though, just controlling portion size. ok yummy, I'm hungry now. Oh today's lunch I will have my rice and bullion cube, its 165 cal for a very yummy and filling lunch! Thurdsay I will not watch cal but the rest of the weekend my goal is 1300 cal! and workouts, I want to break in my new EA Active!

The munchkin should be napping as soon as I get home so I will be working out then, I am really excited to work out too! I miss moving and grooving, Oh I don't think I posted that me and my mom went for a walk for about an hour and a half on Sunday! It was a very nice and long walk, I really needed it too. I know there are a few things that I have to get done but, after my daughter wakes up if the weather is still good I might walk to the library. we haven't been there in weeks and I would love the walk. (too bad the fish market is way too far to walk)

You know whats funny, since I started living in my hubby's parents house I love going out for walks, I think its a mix of getting out of the house and the neighborhood. I love where we live! The nice, quiet and friendly neighborhood was nothing like where I grew up. I wish we could stay in this town forever, I know it won't happen but I can wish for it still.

Ok well, its been a long week and a long post, I hope that everything is going to be according to plan the next few days. Next week everything should be back to normal. I will be on here more so I hope to see you all soon!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


I am taking my first free pass! I have been having a very hard time staying on schedule and making any improvements to my diet exercise routine. I was able to scrape up the new EA active and as long as today does not fall apart like the past few days than I can work out and make some new progress.....

Sunday, November 22, 2009

The rotors don't fit

Well I don't know how many of you know about cars or breaks but there are break pads and rotors that make a car break. So yesterday I bought breakpads that cost 50bucks and rotors that cost 125! Yikes! anyway I picked up the rotors today, and GUESS WHAT... they are the wrong ones! I have a 5 hole rotor and the ones that they ordered are 4 hole rotors! Now, I went back to the parts place... we checked every GM rotor out there... none fit except the ones that they didn't have... So we ordered them.. I didn't pay for them yet just in case they are still wrong but they are 20 bucks more... uhhh.... So the car will not be up and running today . Hubby will be on his own to finish up the job tomorrow. I am fearful that something will go wrong. I just wish I had the time and money and energy to take care of everything myself. Everyone I called to see if they could help us, everyone is unreliable. Than again I hate having to have anyone to rely on so they know that it is pointless to even bother... Oh well my personality is just such and won't change. I got to to it or it won't get done. I am just pissed that it is taking so much time and money to get this done. Granted $200 is much less than the $500+ it would cost for someone else to do the work. I can do it all myself, I just need the right parts. We are going on an incling that the parts guy had about the right parts. I just hope that it is right. Well for now I have so much work to do. I have moving and cleaning and other crazy shinanigans to do before my daugher wakes up. But I will be moving furniture right next to her crib so I don't think she is going to sleep very long. Wish me luck!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

$300 in one day!

Uhh, So I spent 100, for hubby to see a doctor and get a perscription and $200 on parts to fix our car. We are doing it ourselves, it saves us alot of money which is great but seriously.... I think its a matter of just getting it done. I love cars so it doesn't bother me to do. I just hated today cause I was away from my daughter all day! between doc in the morning and than the car the whole afternoon, I also soo wanted to sleep in and I couldn't... its been a rough day.. Off to bed I go.

Oh also, today food wise sucked butt! I had yogurt for breakfast, than starbucks hot coco with a cinimon roll nothing till 4:30 when I had wendy's my stomach is killing me and I feel like shit! oh well I will be cooking tomorrow so it will be a better day..

nighty night all

Thursday, November 19, 2009


So yesterday was just one of those days, Thank you for caring, it means a lot to know I'm not alone. It all went ok, I got everything I had to get done done, and everything extra will have to get done another day. I freak out when my plans go aray. It is a bad quality that I am developing. I am turning into my mother, although I am able to control my freak outs, my mother loses all control when one tiny thing doesn't go right. So despite my freak out yesterday I controled any eating with water, I had so much water yesterday it was crazy. most of it was while I was at work, but I did not over eat at all.

breakfast I had a buttered roll(not the best choice but I was late and it was on the go 350 cal),
I had my tea with sugar which is 14 cal
my E-mergen-C which is 25 cal
I had a piece of chicken and the rest of the carrots from the night before (350 cal)
than I suck in 2 raviolies (150cal I estimated up)
I also had chamomile tea with sugar (14cal)
dinner which I will say was about 500 cal(over estimating just in case)
I also had hot coco (150 cal)
for a total of: 1553 so lets call it a day at 1600!

So not too bad! I know I am estimating up which is fine, but I want to get back down to eating 1200-1300 cal, I know while bf that might not be the best but I feel bloated when I eat 1500 or more cal. at 1200 cal I feel great! I have to tweak what I am having portion wise to keep it under 1500 and as close to 1200 as I can.

I am going for a walk tonight with my neighbor! ha! I committed to it! although I will be having Chinese food for dinner... I will have broccoli with shrimp today, and white rice. Shrimp cause it has been 3 days in a row that I have been making chicken for dinner in some form or another.

Now I have still many tasks to accomplish check out my blog on what I am up to.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

interuption.... of your normally scheduled post

So my post was supposed to be a continuation of yesterday but I have to interrupt my scheduled broadcast for crazy shit:

car is a mess, so now me and hubby are play'n around with hours to see what we can do with work, and to see if we can have someone fix the car for us so that its only parts and not labor. I can not get in touch with my mechanic... I am very upset about this, it is almost as if he is out of business! My mechanic has been the only one to work on all of my cars I have trusted him fully and have never had a problem with anything he has ever told me! I am really shaking trusting someone else. We have two options, either a friend or hubby's uncle... I trust his uncle but I still feel unsure that he might just do it quickly to just get it done and call it a day... that scares me, what if they aren't really caring enough to do the right thing. These are breaks we are talkn about.

And if we don't get this straightened out quickly and cheaply its soo going to mess up our Xmas! Hubby keeps on telling me that I am freaking out but I have every right to be freaking out at this point! We have no money in the account till tomorrow, and if the money doesn't get in by a certain time than it will not clear for the next day and if it doesn't clear for the next day our bills will put us in the neg. Now, that's a 35$ charge! uhhh I hate banks. Not only that we have black Friday shopping planned and unless everything goes right there will be no cash for black Friday, uhhh, we planned out all our Xmas shopping around the black Friday deals. and not only that we have to pay $600 to our car in the first week of Dec, which we might not have money for! Like hubby keeps on telling me that we will have the money cause we have 5 paychecks that come in before our car insurance is due but I have this sick to my stomach feeling that we will not make it!

I am funny when it comes to money its more of a gut feeling for me, hell most my life is about gut feelings and let me tell you this one is bad. I don't want to be put into a hole, I don't want to sit with no money not even for a day. This can all go away and we might be just fine and I could be freaking out over nothing. Yet I feel that ..... wait, what if something happened to my mechanic, what if he is hurt or sick or something? maybe that is what is bothering me... We have been trying to get in touch with him for 2 weeks with no answer now the phones are dead... I hope everything is ok.

Well I have to get home now, uhhh everything is all over the place today, I have to prep dinner and put it in the oven before we leave, which means I have to start dinner at 5, I have to do laundry and determine if the munchkin has to take a nap, if so that would make life easier, if not than its going to be a long afternoon.

god help me! I have way too much to do with less time at this point. Instead of having 3-630 today I have from 3-5... great... oh well, I have to try and calm my nerves down... I'm not flipping out but my nerves are all uptight and it is hurting my back...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


I was reading a few blogs today and wanted to talk about sometime, well two things that are present in my life right now, First off how I have a wonderful my life and how I have passion and love to fill it.

Most people do not know much about me on here, Yes I am a happy loving mommy and wife, but thats not all. I am your typical punk girl. Don't give a flyn f about life, just go with it. Heavy death metal music blasting in the car. Hoodies with skulls, black from head to toe. Dyed hair. Colored hair extensions, bracelets covering the arms. Hell I have had the I don't care attitude for as long as I can remember. Best part is I have always loved me for it. I have loved the way I looked, dressed and acted. People in high school were scared of me. Freshman year I used to pick on the seniors, yes at 5'1 I picked on 6' seniors. I had guys eating out of my hands, prissy girls avoided me. Everyone knew my name and everyone respected me either cause they knew me and loved me or didn't know me and feared me.

Now, despite my outward image, underneath my black cloths I always sported a brightly colored tank top or something of the sorts. I was odd to say the least, but I always did it with style. I could dress up whenever I wanted to but never for school. On my graduation day when people saw me in all white and in a skirt they all stopped and stared. It was unthinkable. I always mention on here about my cloths, expensive and fashionable. Well let me tell you I have always been like that. I have always loved good cloths and most my cloths are from when I was wearing baggy ripped jeans.

My passion to be different and unique took more than just cloths, my personality emulates it and so does my actions. I strive to be different to take a different path, not to conform to what the next person is doing. I want nothing to do with what is popular. I am usually the first person to do things and last to care what someone else is doing.

But now that is my passion being different. Do I work at, not really it just kind of happens. I have just always been different, I had a very unconventional upbringing. I have unconventional friendships. My life is not what a typical person would want or strive for. I love doing different things and having that feeling of WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!!!!

My life is all about passion and difference. I strive to accomplish something unimaginable. I have lived like this for years. I have had many people tell me I am crazy for all that I do. And even though now that I have a daughter I have calmed my antics down I still am one to make people stop and stare. Even the bad comes with all of my crazy ways, I have many back neck and shoulder problems due to work and sports injuries

But, I love my life, I love that I am 23 years old and have a daughter. That I am young enough to play and be crazy with her. To just up and go and not worry about all the little things that "parents" drive themselves crazy over. I am just a roll with the punches kind of girl! As long as me and my daughter have diapers and wipes we are good to go! We have loads of fun in this crazy fly by the seat of your pants kind of world! Never needed a first aid kit or a change of cloths while we are out. Never needed 101 other things to take care of her. She has me and I have her, thats about all it is.

As for hubby and me its all the same too! we are just up and go kind of people. We love to spend our time doing whatever it is our little heart desires. Many days it might just be sitting around doing nothing, other days we might go on an adventure and get lost somewhere, with our daughter in toe! We are all we need, a little rough around the edges and full of passion and good times. We are both young and I swear we get bad looks every where we go. I love it though, No one expects us to be parents, no one expects that we are in a loving and committed relationship (seeing how we are not actually married just engaged).

Hubby is just as messed up as I am. Which I love cause I can share my crazy antics with him. One day me and hubby went to 10 different stores looking for cotton candy lip gloss, well we didn't find any but I bought about 50 bucks worth of lip gloss that day. Best part was me and hubby both tried every single flavor! Oh god was that a fun day!

Life is amazing for the two of us. Yes I go crazy every day that I do not have our own place to call home, but we are comfortable here and we both love our lives very much. I am very unorthodox from the way I grew up. Many people see me still as a freak or just a complete loony. And that makes me happy. I love the fact that I am at an age where noone even knows what they want to do with the rest of their lives, and although becoming a parent at 22 was unplanned a parent at 24 was planned. So I wasn't too far off course. I also know for the most part what I want to do with the rest of my life. Do I know how it will pan out? HELL NO, But I have an outline of what and I have already started years ago on that outline and every day it fills my heart with joy that I have accomplished many things in my life that make me happy.

I can wake up every day and say I love my life, I am happy with where I am and how my future looks. I know that not having money is never a good thing, but I am tight about money because I never want to be broke not because we do not have money. Hell we have more money than we know what to do with, only problem we are not paying any rent... So its extra money only for the time being. I know that life takes time and I am willing to wait. I do not care not to have much money through my entire life, I would actually rather struggle with money than to have too much. I would rather live in a little apartment my whole life than have a 10 room mansion...

I love the way I am all messed up in the head and can believe myself that I can do what and how I want because I am different and love the fact that what I do has no correlation to anyone else or any one other thing... I am truly a punk in the real sense of . the word: the defiance of social norms of behavior...

well I leave you with the though that I am different, I am passionate about being different and I love my life of different...

ACT don't react

144, still, well actually my scale this morning said 139.5, but I can not believe that number for one second. Although I would love to know that I am 139.5! It would put me on par to where I want to be for my Nov mini goal of 140! Ok, well lets see my goal was for Nov 27th, Anyone think I can lose 4lbs in less than 2 weeks? Maybe if I work hard I actually can!

"A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually.
One must fight for a life of action, not reaction."

Ok, so this makes me go a little crazy inside. I feel like i have been on the path of reaction when it comes to my weight loss efforts and it is starting to get to me!

Case and point:
My mom bought my munchkin a hat from the circus but it came with cotton candy... last night I ate cotton candy. BAD BAD BAD!!!

But seriously I am having a reacting nature to everything. My daughter didn't finish something so I will eat it. BAD BAD BAD! I ate prob 250 Cal yesterday because of my reactions!

Another fatal reaction that I had was, I told myself I couldn't go for a walk cause my daughter needed to nap... WELL HELLO.. she could nap in the stroller while I walk! I must be losing my mind! I am going for a walk today, no matter what!

I must stop reacting and start acting! I want to meet my Nov goal! I have 4lbs to go and even if I say Dec 1, that is 2 weeks away! I can do this! I know I can, NO MORE REACTIONS! NO MORE EXCUSES! I am sick of being 144! I am sick of looking at the scale every week and seeing the same thing! Today when I saw the numbers 139.5, I kind of got excited, I really wanted to belive it. I couldn't help knowing that if I have been making the right choices I would be there already!

I also have to get my butt on here more, I have to blogg/logg everything I am doing. I have been a major slacker! I am not going to do that any more, just cause I fit into my cloths now doesn't mean I am where I ultimately want to be. I'm getting to comfortable! I need a structure to keep me in line! I have 9 more lbs to lose thats it! Its not a monster its not such an arduous task. (ok how come I can spell arduous right the first time but can't spell ultimately right??) I can make better choices

such as:
Go for a walk more than once a week!
throw out that cotton candy when I get home
Don't fall pray to my daughter's left overs people! uhhh so frustrating!
Drink more water( I have been doing great but some days I completely slack )
Take my vitamins!!! (I'm runnin low on e-mergen-c so I have been slacking on my calcium and b vitamins- Without them I know I can't function GET WITH IT CHUPSIE!!!!)
Work out! 3 times a week(Hubby is getting me EA Active 2, It has 30 new workouts added! we aren't going to get it till this weekend but it should be a motivator.)

I know I have been telling myself for weeks to work out, and every time I don't work out I make no progress! I have to do 4 workouts a week, either workout or go for a walk, Something! I mean even if its walking 4 days a week I have no problem with that. I would love to be outside, just thinking or not thinking at all, its peaceful and I know my daughter loves it too. Well anyway today I will be going for a walk and enjoying my walk! I will try to make it over an hour. Hubby is sick again, so being out of the house would be great for me and the munchkin....

I have a plan of action I will be acting today! tada! yea, maybe not that kind of acting but I will be active in what I do today, I will take a nice long walk, I will take extra care to log my cal and to steer clear of extras!


Sunday, November 15, 2009

Ol' Ye Faitful

So, my current camera is almost 6 years old. Its a dinosaur in regards to technology it is a 5mega pixel camera. It has been my faithful friend forever! I have carried it in my purse for the past 5 years it has traveled the world. I have not yet come to terms with the fact that I will be getting a new camera. I have put it off for the past 2 years. I have bought digital camera's for presents but I have avoided parting with my camera for so long. Now I have the option of two different cameras, The Nikon or the upgrade of my current camera the Canon power shot 1200. Both are 10 Mega Pixels, 12 seems like a little too much.

So this morning me and hubby ventured to best buy to check out both cameras... Well apparently they don't carry the 10 mega pixel Nikon any more( or maybe they will have them on black friday), Otherwise it makes my choice easier I will be getting the upgrade of the Camera I currently have. It will be easier to accustom myself to it seeing how all the features and buttons are the same.

I still have this nagging feeling that says to stick with my current camera. It is all beat up has a scratched display. And has a delay when it takes pictures but I love it way too much.

Uh I am in such debate about a new camera! I feel like I would be abandoning a best friend. Uh, I got to get over it... I need a new camera..

Anyway on other news I got a new watch and a new ring as my xmas present, We bought the cutest princess cut necklace for the princess too! I absolutely love it. But I do have to say that having diamonds are a lot of work! They have to go back to zales for inspection and cleaning ever 6 months! that means we have to go to zales 4 times a year! Thats annoying! But, I am happy that we got our little princess a precious gift that will last her a lifetime and has a lifetime warranty.

Today was a long day, I did many things. I am very proud of myself to have done everything and I think now its time for sleep. Nighty night people

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Where I stand

Actually, I have no idea where I stand.

I am all over the place at the moment. I am trying to work out but I never get around to it, I have been great to eat what I want how I want and I have maintained this for a few weeks now. But I am not satisfied with where I stand. I am still 144, I am a size
8 and even though I am super happy to be back to my prepreg size I want more! I want to lose the last 10lbs! Or at least tone up and work out every day or so. I want to be in shape. My stomach is killing me, Prob from this girdle I'm wearing. I am tired and super stressed. I know working out will help me relax and help me stay focused. But I feel like I am driving myself up a wall. I want to be paperless, I want to maintain a clean house and cook clean and do everything else momminess! But I keep on pushing me away. I know this is very bad. I am almost avoiding the fact of these last 10lbs! I feel great that my cloths fit but I want them to fit better. I still have some that don't fit! Maybe I should pull them out and put them in
my closet so I can see them every day.

Uh I don't feel like doing all that work now. I want to finish what I started with this paperless buisness, its all I talk about lately I know its getting annoying but....

Thats all I have left is that envelope! And its just pay stubs and deposit receipts from the bank! Which I am not scanning! I will wait till next year to start a new year fresh. I will scan the last one of 09 for tax purposes and call it a day.

I finished up most of my school paperwork, I will actually finish it up tonight as soon as I am done. Than I have my writing to do, I might do it all tonight its still early and hubby is upstairs with the boys.... So I have the time.

I know I will feel so much better when I am 100% done, I wanted to work out tonight but my stomach started to hurt. Oh also I bought Chamomile tea so that it can help calm my nerves I have been a ball of stress lately. And worst is I hate taking it out on hubby. Its so upsetting. There is no need for both of us to be worked up for no reason. So, I am trying to make progress. I really am. I need to destress and I need to stay organized. I think what is stressing me is Monday,

on Monday I have my arbitration case for my accident. I have to do my nails and hair and be presentable, which I so don't feel like doing. But I shall! I am hoping that after that day I feel a little better. I want all of it to be over with. It isn't a big stress its just a bother. I also don't want to have to deal with this ever again.

Anyway that is what has been going on with me, I have been busy and distracted. I also have not had anything worth reading to post. Once I start with my writing I will post stuff so that you will all have something interesting to read.

Till tomorrow!

PS speaking of tomorrow I have decided I am getting a camera for xmas, We are going to buy it on black friday, so tomorrow we are going over to best buy to figure out which one I like better my upgraded canon power shot or a Nikon touch screen.... I can't decide, well more on that tomorrow... off to work I go!

Friday, November 13, 2009


"Put your heart, mind, intellect, and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success."

I have to stay focused here. I have been all backwards these past few days. I must stay focused. Sorry for not being around but I am a busy lady lately. I will be around more next week!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I found this article... Its about wives and their secrets that we have. I thought it was super cute and wanted to share. So here you have it: 11 Don't Tell the Husband Secrets

So now that that is out of the way, today I wanted to post a song first.

"One of God's Better People"

You're one of God's better people
And you don't know
That's why you're special
And I cry so I can talk like this
From my downbeat existence
And I know that you can make my wish
If my wish is pure

But I don't know
I just don't know
I don't know
Let me love you so
Now I can't live this without you
I'd die without you
Without you, without you

You're one of God's better people
And you don't know
That's why you're special
It must hurt to see your favorite man
Lose himself again and again
And I know that you're my only friend
From way back when

My wish was pure
It was oh so pure
It was pure
I couldn't love you more
Now I can't live this without you
I'd die without you
Without you
Now I can't live this without you
I'd die without you
Without you, without you

'cos I don't know no more
I just don't know no more
I just don't know
Let me love you so
Now I can't live this without you
I'd die without you
Without you
Now I can't live this without you
I'd die without you
Without you, without you

You're one of God's better people
And you don't know
That's why you're special

So, Besides Robbie Williams being amazing. I love this song, I really do it is so emotionally set in a relationship that is beyond words. Love that is beyond words. I just wanted to dedicate it to my hubby. I was going through some stuff from when we first started dating. And although our relationship is so different from what it was. I feel that every day that goes by I love him more and can live without him less. And I do have to say that hubba hubba hubby is special and loving and caring, he really is someone in life you look at and say they are an amazing person. Yet he tries sooo hard to be Mr. Attitude, Mr. Mean, Mr. I don't care. Yet, in all of that you can see that he is Mr. sympathetic, Mr. nice guy, and Mr. I care too much... So I just wanted to say that I love my hubby with all my heart, I am happy that we have each other and I need him very much to live. I tell myself that I could do things on my own but I think I would die without him.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

epic fail

well, I'm still here I'm still at 144! I'm still not happy but I still haven't changed anything... I feel like I'm eating more. For no reason and I feel like I'm doing less.. well less physical stuff anyway. I have made great progress on going paperless and getting organized! I really have and I am really proud as for x-mas I plan to have x-mas cards out by the first, I have done most of the x-mas shopping I have to do and all of it will be done by black Friday. I have been getting ahead of myself leaps and bounds to get stuff done. I am almost done too. When I get everything done I know I will have loads more time for working out. I have tried to keep a tight string on my eating too but I'm always at about 1800 cal, which isn't bad. I'm at a maintain. But I have to put more time and effort into counting cal that go in and out.

I havnt been on my cal count account for quite some time now... poo poo me! I need to get back in the game..But I haven't lost any weight! and its TOM! but 2 days ago I was up 2 lbs, phew they came off!

I know that I can do this, I believe in myself I just need to take the time to focus on my current project which is almost done. Than when my daughter naps I can work out instead, I can count cal instead of scan papers. I can also play more with my daughter and clean more! Yes I have been slacking in the cleaning department too! GASP, its ok, the house isn't a total mess its just I don't clean every day as I was, its more like every 3 days....

Well let me go I am a busy bee today. Have so much to do. got to get home hubby has a stomach bug, and got to finish up some errands, do dinner and do more power to the paperless work!

Lov ya all!


My hubby's aunt got swine flu (and poor thing she is preggo too), She sent me this info. I found it quite interesting, Please read and try to take care of yourselves. I was a big skeptic of this thing. Though it was mostly media, but I guess when something hits home you feel it.

Take care!

Fwd: Swine Flu Preventive...Please read & send on

Prevent Swine Flu - Good Advice

Dr. Vinay Goyal is an MBBS,DRM,DNB (Intensivist and Thyroid specialist) having clinical experience of over 20 years. He has worked in institutions like Hinduja Hospital , Bombay Hospital , Saifee Hospital , Tata Memorial etc. Presently, he is heading our Nuclear Medicine Department and Thyroid clinic at Riddhivinayak Cardiac and Critical Centre, Malad (W).

The following message given by him, I feel makes a lot of sense and is important for all to know

The only portals of entry are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a global epidemic of this nature, it's almost impossible to avoid coming into contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions. Contact with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is.

While you are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1 infection, in order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced (instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tamiflu):

1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official communications).

2. "Hands-off-the-face" approach. Resist all temptations to touch any part of face (unless you want to eat, bathe or slap).

3. *Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine if you don't trust salt). *H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/ nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling with salt water has the same effect on a healthy individual that Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don't underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.

4. Similar to 3 above, *clean your nostrils at least once every day with warm salt water. *Not everybody may be good at Jala Neti or Sutra Neti (very good Yoga asanas to clean nasal cavities), but *blowing the nose hard once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population.*

5. *Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin C (Amla and other citrus fruits). *If you have to supplement with Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost absorption.

6. *Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. *Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse direction. They wash off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.
Neti pots and sinus rinse kits are available at the drug store and relatively inexpensive….under $15.

I suggest you pass this on to your entire e-list. You never know 20 who might pay attention to it - and STAY ALIVE because of it.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Don't Stop

'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go till you come to the end. Then stop.'
--Lewis Carroll

Now facing weight loss I have to say that Mr Carroll was very wrong. I feel that he is wrong with this comment in every aspect of life. Think about why we begin a journey just to stop it? Why start something if you will only wind up stopping. Better yet why start something that has an end? If you are to be working towards a goal, an accomplishment, a future of something better. Once you get there stopping means a digression back to what once was. If you arrive at a destination, will you stop there in your car and not keep going? will you reach the door and not open it? What lies on the other side of this door? Is there your future of is it your dream? What will become of something that has no follow through? Where will the end eventually lead you to?

Well first off I must say that with every beginning there is supposed to be an end. Yet I feel this statement only applies to one thing life, you are born (the beginning) and eventually we die (the end). Now what about in between, for surely that was what this king intended. In between there is many adventures that have beginning but I feel that there is no ending to them. When we start a project for school, Lets say its your Master's degree thesis, Well you start your research, you compile all your information. Your write an outstanding paper about whatever it might be. Now you have all this knowledge, you go out into the working world and you continue to use this knowledge grow with it, make money because of it, and add to it. There is no where that this thesis ends and you forget about it and it no longer impacts your life.

Lets say a simpler thing as a household repair, you fix a leaky sink, took all of 20 min and $20 lets say. That saves you money and effort. But it adds to your daily standard of living you can enjoy the kitchen knowing that you do not hear a constant drip that makes you want to leave. You are able to know that your accomplishments were worth your while. You help someone else with the knowledge of what you did and how easy it was. You have passes on good vibes to help someone else and they in turn are grateful towards you and may return a favor in the future.

Now did these events ever fully end? Was there any stop to them? Have you ever came to a place where you ended something? maybe a relationship? I have ended a relationship, but it never fully ended I still have a scar above my eyebrow as a constant reminder, I have memories of reasons to never want to do certain things. I know more and grew from said relationship. Did just ending the relationship stop there. I think not. It changed me as a person and made me grow more. I unwillingly remember things and know things, do things and so forth because of this relationship. So just because it is over doesn't mean it stopped. Doesn't mean my mind stopped thinking about it or that my memories disappeared. No nothing ever just stops at the end.

And even when we die, the legacy we leave, does that end? Does it stop when we stop breathing? Does everything go black just because we no longer exist? Or do our family and friends continue what has once been because we did, remember your grandma's cooking does your mom or aunts continue the recipe?

Don't be fooled by others who think that arriving at a destination means to end your experience, to end tradition, to end learning. Continue, live, love, laugh. Never stop!

Saturday, November 07, 2009

so... today sucked

well, that is the end of the day sucked. I felt like such crap. But overall me and hubby had a decent day, my daughter was very good today, till my tummy started hurting and I was in pain than she started acting up... but anyway

I want to talk to you about NANOWRIMO... Now orignially it was a plan to get started on this great oportunity. Yet with light of recent developments aka my new years resolution I will not be participating. Yea I know I suck, but I want to get many other things in order before I venture into my writting. I have written alot and I have still way more words and ideas in my head that I can keep track of. But I want to make it clear that EVERYONE given the opportunity should take it. Next year I will work more on my character model and time period research and fit in the background of my story outline before November roles around. By that time I should be more than ready to sit back and write write write. If you don't follow my other blog than you wouldn't know but I have been on a mass effort to go paperless. I am getting there. And I want to say that My new years resolution to live a little more and pick up my head from my busy schedule will happen only when I am able to go paperless and enjoy less clutter and less stresses of my enviornment.

Anyway, I know I have goals for this week, I will be keeping as focused as I can. I will be counting today as another walk day, We went out to the stores and I walked for about a good hour. So I have two walks and no workouts... But keep beliving that I can do this! I know I can, I have been having a few bad stomach days. So its been kind of bad for me.

Oh get this, some funny shit. So hubby really hasn't cared much about my life in blog land, but recently he has been more "whats that?" "what are you doing" "what are you writting" "whats that for"...its cute to see him take some interest into what I am doing.. it feels good to see him know that I have things that are important to be besides being sussie home maker...

ok well this post has been very off topic and I have work to do before I go to sleep tonight and its already 10:20.. uhh! ok lata people! lov ya!


Thursday, November 05, 2009

So I have calmed down a little bit

I am still an emotional mess, I can't get over the fact of how heavly I was relying on the food stamps to go through. I am also beside myself upset that I do not want to do anything at all.


I know that everything will work out for the best. I know that this is not a total set back just a minor one. I know that things will get better and be fine. :( I just have to wait....
I had a good day today, well kind of I took off from work (I know bad idea) but I needed a break. and with not having to cook dinner I only had to do laundry today. I only got in a half hour nap. but I think it did help. I am still tired and have a massive headach, yet I feel somewhat rested.
I got in an hour walk today, it was beyond hot in the house today so me and the munchkin went out for a nice long walk. I even talked to my mom. I think that helped me feel a lil better. I am going to see her tomorrow. Uh I hope we just don't have another fight. But she seemed in good spirts so lets just go with it..
Now above I wrote this too shall pass. I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason and things will always change. I am a lover of change and strive for different in my life. I don't know if anyone would consider it a good thing but I do. So I am going to say that I will take everything good and bad and try to grow from it. Next year will be a new and better year. We have a purpose and a plan. That is what matters, we are moving forward! We are in the positive in our bank account and have all our bills covered and have extra to save!
I have much that I want to accomplish in my life and this GAG challenge should be a main focus for me. Losing weight to better my health and my life. I do have to say that today I was able to walk for the whole hour and not feel winded or tired. I know this is progress for me cause I always feel out of breath when I walk. I have three more days this week to work out. Fri/Sat/Sun would be perfect, as long as I can fit it in! otherwise I also have monday. I can fit in 3 workouts in 4 days. That was my goal and so far I did my one walk, I can do the 3 workouts.
I looked at myself in the mirror today I feel alot smaller. Which is a great thing, I just want to be even less. I haven't taken meausrement since the beginning of the challenge. But I can feel that I have lost alot. I guess almost ten lbs makes a big difference. That is all I have left to do lose another 10lbs and I have 8 1/2 weeks to do it! I want to lose 2 lbs a week, this way I will be between 130-135 by the end of the challenge. Last week really disapointed me! I was down to 143, I was I swear. But weigh in came and I was still 144. uhhh so damn frustrating... I want to be at least 143 but more 142 come tuesday! I have to focus on eating a little better. I also have to focus on eating a little less. My cal intake has been in the 1800's these past few days and I don't like it. It doesn't feel good either. I feel way too stuffed.
I will be trying better this weekend to eat less and workout more. ok well its time for me to go... I'm falln asleep watchn hubby play rockband leggos! hehe, they got cute butts!

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Freaking out!

I have been denied for the food stamps cause we don't pay rent. So if and when we move... I will not be able to pay for anything till the food stamp application goes through which takes 5 weeks to 3 months! My other option to get it done quicker is to miss work and go to the food stamp office and wait 3 weeks, well missing work means less money! uhh, I don't know what else I can do. Yea right now we are ok cause we don't pay rent and I have a 6 month plan BUT!!!, I found an apartment for $700. Which happens to be a 2 bedroom apartment! and If we want to move out now I need the money for groceries!

I am beyond frustrated at this point! I guess the only thing to do is wait till I can find something in the next 6 months and just keep on saving my money... But shit the apartment I found was perfect! 2 bedrooms, came with furniture which means I wouldn't have to buy living room furniture, I wouldn't need a new microwave. And than we could just clear out the other furniture! 700 for rent around here for a two bedroom is half of what it usually is! I emailed a HUD apartment building that is in a decent area. I will wait to hear back to see what their prices are like. There is another one close to where hubby and I work, I tired calling them. I hope they are more affordable than what is in that area.

Anyway I will let you go now, I am going to just shoot my dreams out of the sky. Bury them in the grave yard and plant them flowers.... Maybe they will look down on me from heaven and think nice things of me...

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Week in review

144.0 No Change no happy!


T[X] W[X] R[] F[] S[] S[] M[XX]
T[15 min workout video/30 min dance session with child]
W[45 min workout video] R[] F[] S[] S[] M[]

Tuesday: what a workout with bugga! I was sweating...
Wednesday: I discovered wow Im in love!

T[] W[] R[X] F[] S[X] S[] M[]
Thursday: Walked around Micheals/BRU,and TRU/market with my
walk to/from work I would say about 45 min total, mostly holding
a baby
Under 1300 cal:
T[550before dinner-650 dinner?? ] W[1400+candy :( ]
R[Chinese food= 1700] F[1300+cake] S[BAD] S[BAD ] M[1350]

Water 10glasses or more:
T[10] W[9] R[9] F[7] S[7] S[8] M[10]

This weekend was a killer. But I fit into my corduroy pants! Yahh!!!!! Ok tha'ts where the happy ends. I am very upset with myself this week. Not for eating cake, not for eating candy, not for not working out but for the fact that I am still 144! I really wanted to be 143 today. I have weighed in this week at 143 twice and I though I had finally kicked the 144... I guess not. I am more than upset with my results! Technically I am on schedule. By the end of this month I want to be 140. then 135 by the end of this challenge. Yet, it still gets to me. I do have to say though that I have only worked out 2 days as I did last week and it feels great to work out. I have made a plan to work out 3 days this week with one walk. I know its not what I should be doing but I am going to increase slowly so that I can grasp and keep working out at a constant.

Besides working out, I have to see if I can fix my hip and shoulder. Its really odd, both the left hip and left shoulder are out. I notice it when I hold the baby for a long time and when I work out. It's not fun working out when your shoulder and hip start popping out of their sockets... I should be used to it by now. Oh well. I will make a plan to work out 3 days this week. I also have not done ANY sit ups! I really want to start doing sit ups. Back in September I was doing 50 a day... Its lasted about a week and a half. Time to get back on board. I can do this! I have to stay focused. I can slack next year. I want to work out consistently for 2 weeks straight with working out for 6 days a week. Once I hit that point I will know that I can continue that effort!

Monday, November 02, 2009

I feel a little lost at this point

I feel like life keeps passing me by. The days come and go and I am just there. Yes I get stuff accomplished but nothing stands out to me. Its almost like I am just watching my life go by. I am still working towards all my goals. I am doing things but I feel as if its not me. I want to stop and smell the roses. hmmmm...

I just came across my New Years Resolution! I am a work-a-holic, I am constantly busy and preoccupied with life. So I (just now) figured out what my new years resolution will be. I want to enjoy life. I want to go out and play, Be apart of my family and friends. Enjoy chit chatting. Get to know new people. Next year I voe not to keep my head down and mull away at what needs to be done. I want to relax, enjoy what I am doing and look up. Look around at the world that seems to pass me by.

I feel that this is an amazing resolution! For the next 2 months I will work feverishly to make all attempts to do everything and get everything pending done and out of my life! I want 2010 to be a wonderful year filled with happy memories! New things, new experiences, new friends, reconnecting with long lost friends. I will pick my head up and look around! Yes, I will keep focused on my to do's and responsibilities but I want to live more and work less. I want to enjoy more of what I do! Yes I know that this coming year with trying to move I will be preoccupied and focus driven towards my goal but that doesn't mean I have to give up the joys around me.

I resolve to enjoy 2010 to the fullest! To start fresh with smelling the roses, capturing the moment as is. Not working to create but to be part of the creation. Now as my nature I need to prepare and work towards my future of freedom. These next two months will be focus driven. I will keep my head down and work to accomplish all my goals. From weight loss to personal accomplishments. As for next year I will be more about being instead of doing.

Well I really want to enjoy my holiday this year so I will focus on getting everything in my life out of the way before Xmas so that I can enjoy life and live more freely!

I know I have alot to do! But the idea of being free of everything makes me already feel better. I want to be free of weigh loss I want to be free of clutter. I want to be free of my accident case. I want to be free of living with my in-laws, I want to be free to spend time with my friends and family. I want to be free to do what I want when I want.

More later!

Sunday, November 01, 2009

What a weekend

First off I have to start by saying I'm utterly disgusted with my eating habits this weekend! DISGUSTED! I did sooo bad you have no idea! I didn't eat heathy at all, had way too many sweets and didn't walk half as much as I wanted to or should have! I don't know what happen this weekend. It was a complete fail. I was going strong till Thursday the bad news completly threw me off. There was only one good thing today that happened... I havn't bf my daughter since this morning... so I will feed her before bedtime and THATS IT! Yah! so its been almost once a week that I don't feed her milk durring the day. Now we have to do 2-3 times a week no milk durring the day. Some days are rough but today wasn't too bad! ok anyway, I got to clean today but no rest for this momma! I am sooo damn tired right now. I think I am going to rest for a lil bit. I also think some of my writting I am going to post on here. I do want to tell you all though that the writtings I have are not very much like the person that you hear writting to you every day. I also want you to be aware that there is nothing wrong I'm not depressed and am not bi-polar or anything. I use many different things to inspire my writting mostly relationships and my cronic pain. so the more depressing it is the more it has to do with my cronic pain than anything.

Actually as tired as I am I think I am going to be productive and get work done. I have been in a mass scanning funk today. I will continue... Sorry no cool update... Just life passing me by.. till tomorrow!


Measurments- sept 1, 2009

L arm: 12.5
R arm: 12.5
L thigh: 26
R thigh: 25.5
L calf: 15
R calf: 14.5
Bust: 34.5
Waist: 37
Thighs: 40.5