I've been trying so hard to stay on weight loss and I find myself constantly back to wher I was its not cool at all... staying focuses on anything at the moment seems impossible!!! I really don't know why... I'm so motivated to lose the weight and I feel even one lb up or down do drastically!!! I also havnt been having my fizzie tabs which do make a difference but I've just been dealing with pain so bad the past few days... I honesty hope that this pain is from the weather... its been very cold and I know my body is not used to it one bit. I'm having bad reactions to everything I try and do to make myself feel better too... and to compensate I am eating way too many sweets and having way too many crabs.

I still don't know which is worse the pain or the lack of motivation... I havnt been to the gym in 2 weeks and I feel it... I miss going to the gym. I miss a good workout and stretch. I have to look on netflix to see if they have work out videos! That would help during the nights.

Something has to change about my health. And soon. Next week I have my momentum advanced workshop!!!! It's something I have been looking forward to since Aug. The basic workshop changed my life. I know there is more that I need to fix and work on in my life. I'm also very scared to walk into that room I have no idea what to expect and have no idea what I will face....

I want and need drastic change in my life I need consistency and follow through. I also need to be more loving understanding and have more integrity in my life every day.

Exactly like my blog challenge. I did start my new blog but I have yet to efficiently get it up and running. I guess that is partially due to no more interest access at work. Yet, all in all there is no need for me to be such a slacker outside of work. I have a life to live goals and obligations to uphold and follow through on.

There are so many aspects of myself that I know I am avoiding and limiting my potential. I am determined to accept true change in my life for the first time. Accept and follow through with the actions set before me and make those changes permanent!!!

As for weight loss and my health this is an endeavor I have always worked towards. I will continue to do so! I admit that the efforts sometimes are so lax. But its the commitment to pick myself back up again. Re-evaluating the situation and working towards the same goal once more. Dusting off my pride and refocusing on the true meaning of follow through...

Last year this time I was 10lbs lighter it felt great! I know it did I enjoyed it and relished in it. Than somewhere I got lost and fell back to where I was. I am determined to follow through to 125. And the real goal and determining factor will be to stay there and be healthy doing it! Last year my goals were not weight loss. This year my goal is weight loss!

Last year I accomplished my new years resolution of slowing down and enjoying life more. Maybe because so much in my life had changed but I have many goals to focus on this year one being at my ideal weight. Sooner than expected and the ability to maintain it no matter what.

Where does this leave me? With a lot of work yet to be done! To a better week and a lot more blogging through the next 5 days of the rest of my life!

IDEA

I want to do a spring weightloss challenge... anyone want to join in with me... I will be creating a whole separate blogger account... but I think it would be a great GET READY FOR THE SUMMER... kind of thing!
let me know what you all think!

Feelin great

So new years eve and today I went to the gym! It feels great to be back there all the time. It really helps center me and relax me.. also to help get rid of my extra energy so that I can sleep better too... same for my daughter... she wasn't too bad leaving today. Which helped.

I have been enjoying the gym! I really have! I have so much on my plate its almost the last thing I Want to add but it makes me feel good about myself. Now I just need to start seeing results! I have been lookin at pics of myself lately and I feel I look horrible! And if people were to hear me say that they would get very upset at me. But I am just very unhappy with the way my body is right now. It is no one else's choice to make for me. I need to be and feel a certain way to enjoy the way I look.

Just while doing yoga today with the mirror I was embraced about my appearance... its such a bad feeling. I have no idea why its so hard but it just is. I need to shead all this excess and quickly. Just to feel comfortable in my cloths and in my skin. To be able to feel sexy again... I want to also start eating much less I know that working out allows me more ability to control my eating but I feel I am still eating in excess of what I need... its disturbing too. I feel sometimes I can't control it! I have no idea what comes over me. I know I love my food but honestly... there is no reason I should be eating the amout of food that I do.

I have been taking diligence to make sure that I take my green tea pills and my fizzy tabs and tryn to just eat a lil bit less every day... some days are better than others. I have to start cal counting again. It's just hard with my mom cooking instead of me. She also makes my tea every morning with way too much honey. It kills my cal count!!! She is also expecting me yo be a human garbage disposal.... Oy!

I will be doing whatever I can to cut down and reduce cal! I know i am getting there. It is slow but I am making great progreas for myself. I am proud and determined to continue with the gym. It's tremendous help! Wed I will be doing a lot of eclipse!

Ok I am off to bed right now I am Sooo damn tired!