before the after

so these are my before pics! I look horrible and not only that the pics suck cause my hubby is bein a lil ehh... anyway thats all for now. Off to bed I go! Tomorrow AM I will take a snapshot of the scale! But I wont be able to post it till tomorrow night...

GOOD MORNING!!!!

Hello, So after a miserable weekend for food. Although essentially a fantastic one spent with my daughter and hubby! I have some light at the end of the tunnel. I am 151! so I guess I didn't do all that bad. I am happy to say this weekend was also a productive weekend! I got things done at home. The two main things I accomplished was getting rid of a black trash bag full of junk! Yahh! also I cleaned up our "office" aka desk. and today I will be busy posting goals and what not for my challenge! I already have them outlined so it shouldn't be that hard!

they will be in groups:


habits to break:
stop craking my nuckles
stop picking at my face/scalp
stop yelling at my daughter

habits to make:
exercise daily
meditate every day
read every day
write every day
floss daily!!!!
Speak more Italian to my daughter

life goals (for inspiration):
GET MY CPA
have a website that is profitable!!!!
write 2 books, my own story and my book on soul mates
become a professional organizer

daunting tasks to be accomplished :
go paperless!!!!
enter all receipts!!!! (first folder by sep 5th) (second folder sept 12th) (third folder oct 10th)
File boxes (bottom box due by oct 30th) (top box due by nov 21) Scan new income papers daily!!!!
work on alynn's baby cloths quilt (jan)
finish building my website! ( oct 12,13,14,15,16 at work, update and start adding new things daily till end of year) (have website up and running by nov 30th, start advertising!) (add merch by dec 31)
ween alynn off of bm (so help me god!) (starting TODAY!!!!! ) (ween by end of year)
finish generator files at work (Due by oct 9th) (sept 4th finish files on desk) (sept 11th finish up to "T") (sept 18th finish up to the end of alphabet) (sept 21-25th call all gen people)

projects:

make alynn's bday present (due oct 5th) :
measurements/size/ planning (sept 4)
Cut out black and pink squares ( sept 8th)
sew the front of the blanky together (sept 19)
back of blanky and boarder (sept 22)
patch and attach front and back of blanky (sept 26)
finish blanky.. wrapped and all! (sept 29)

fill in alynn's first year in her baby book (nov 15)
3 months (oct 17th)
6 months (oct 24th)
9 months (nov 7th)
12 months (nov 15th)

bad news...

well not too much but I did horrible yesturday. :( but its ok I am 152, I am doing this daily to get through the weekend.. I will be ok come monday. I have my meals planned out for the day (sort of). I have 450 cal for the day so far at 1pm, and I am planning on making a simple dinner sooo I should be good! I have faith in myself, I just feel im dehidrated going to drink wawa! lata people!!!

quick update

Yesterday I did good, I got alot of things I needed accomplished and I am still at 150.5! I am going to go get more things done, see you all on TUESDAY!!!!!!!!

150.5!!!

yes that's what it said, I know the whole daily thing isn't supposed to be done but, its FRIDAY... aka dooms day. I have gotten almost to my goal weight for Sep 1! hell .5 is good enough! Yet, Alas! the weekend... MY GOAL STAY AT 150.5! not to go over not to be under just to stay put!!!!! dont ask me how I plan on doing it cause i have no idea! First I am going to be making dinner tonight so... that should be better than the other junk that usually comes with the weekend! :) tomorrow I am going to simply "snack" on veggies for dinner before going out. I figure I can eat up my cal and carbs on chips and dip. I know that the salt will make me retain some water. But I am hoping to keep it simple. sunday... I HAVE NO IDEA! im just gonna wing it! hell you know what I think Ill do pork for dinner and ill bake it in the oven. hmmm sounds good! ok well here I go!

I didn't do anything last night, but than technically I still did workout yesturday, just in the morning! Also... I'm starting something new... letting my daughter just go back to sleep when she wakes up! it seemed to have worked, she got up at 12 last night she ate and I let her just cry back to sleep took all of 15 min (not bad).. than when she woke up I didn't feed her I just rocked her for a few min and put her back down, took again about 15 min... than she woke up maybe 1 or two more times with a moan and within 5 min or so went back to sleep!!! YAHH! ok so that is exciting for me! I want her to stay in her crib all night! we will try tonight for ALL night! see what happens.

so I figured out that if I work out at night I have alot of energy and stay up, and do things. If I work out in the morning (like yesterday) im out like a lite by 730/8.... hmmm, you know its been all week that I haven't been able to spend 10 min with the hubby! besides the new video game, tuesday's concert... going to sleep early and whatnot. damn I feel so bad, I miss him too! so I am going to try and spend time with him tonight, depending whats going on. I know he beat the video game so he has one less thing on his mind (yea he is messed up like that)... oh the other thing was boston and yanks were playn.. and I hate baseball. So it wasn't like I was gonna stick around for that! haha! but I will need some alone time this coming month. My daughter's bday present is a surprise!!!! mostly for daddy! anyway I prob need an hour a night to work on it! I'm making my daughter a blankie... I was supposed to do it while I was preggo and it never happened... than my mil said she would do it but she never has soooo, I will have it done for her first bday! I already talked to my mom she is getting me fabric and thread and whatever else I need! I am so excited! I love sewing!!!

So the only other thing was I did diddly squat last night on my desk and what not. and I dont want Caity coming over tomorrow and seeing a mess sooo! But I can clean it up but thats not exactly what I wanted to do.... I need to get everything straitened out, I will start today while im at work. I know project wise what has to be I will be putting goals of projects and also weightloss on the side I have a lot of blog fixing to do also! uhhh Keepandshare where are you my love! haha
best website in the world... www.keepandshare.com!!!

my scale is an asshole!

anyway, besides the fact that my scale is an asshole its Thursday and its not weigh-in day so I will ignore the asshole and continue on with my post(day I mean)!

So last night I went straight to bed! I had a bad headache all day! uhh, anyway its gone now and thats all that matter! So yesterday I didn't do anything and I know I went over my cal, I haven't listed them yet cause I'm a lil' scared. I decided to have a hamburger with bun, hot dog with bun. I had a piece of meatloaf for lunch and about 3/4 cup of potatoes... along with my breakfast which is roughly 275 cal, all I know the bun was 180 the other bun was 140, the hot dog was 170, and everything else I am scared to know about.. cc says that the meatloaf was 250(which I feel is wrong) and than a cup of potatoes... AND a hamburger! crap crap crap! oh well!

so anyway! back to my day, I did do something productive this morning! I did 100 jumping jacks and various other movement(pilates) exercises this morning! My butt hurts a lil! I have been trying very hard to be more active and WORKOUT! I think tonight after I finish all the work I need to do I will do the EA active! I think im ready! I really want to do it on hard too. hmm I also kind of want to walk on the treadmill, I will see how far I get.

Besides working out I have alot that I need to accomplish! Tonight I am going over EVERYTHING I need to get done. Goals, end results, bills, plans for the future, household projects... blablablabla... EVERYTHING. I want to know what has to be done through till the end of the year and where I should be come Jan 1. Not only do I want a rockn' body by that time but I want a rockn' life too! I want everything in order and perfect by the end of the year. I need to plan out my daughter b-day party, the holiday season, anything and everything! I want it all done and whatnot by the first of september. so essentially I am giving myself this weekend! I am going to plan out different things to do every week, and I will report every Tuesday not only my weight but how my tasks went. (i'll prob also be reporting daily but that's besides the point). I have alot in life that I want to accomplish and I need to get my act back on track! I feel much better confidence wise that I can fit into a size 8 and I still have much more to go till I feel comfortable where I am and I need to regain the harnesses on my life!

Now I also wrote down my measurements (post them later), I will take the pics this weekend! I am very excited for Tuesday! I am hoping that I can gain enough control to be 150 by Tuesday or at least back to 151! I will let you know, like I said I have that party so if I do maintenance that will have to do.

Amazing!!!!

So after much anticipation... my weekly weigh in is.....(drum roll!)... 151!!!!!

YAHH! And last night I went for a walk and did a lil workout... I am very proud of myself! I feel amazing too, not that I'm not tired. That's Gigi's fault though for keeping me up on skype... Also I am doing better at getting my act together. Last night I made dinner, desert, cleaned a lil, put the laundry away... you know I got stuff done! That's also cause my lovely daughter took a nap but still... I am getting there, But I do know that without a daily work out I will be getting nowhere! I am proud of myself today!!! Do I think I am where I want to be... NO! But I do want to be 150 by the time my GAG challenge starts so I am SOOO there!!! I feel that I can soo lose the last 15lbs in 4 months! it seems soooo easy at this point! The best is, I dont feel bad about eating less, I dont feel bad about the extra effort I put in to count cal, or to portion out my food.

And to think, the neighbor I walk with, she is a size 12, I'm a size 8 (for the most part)... I feel that she looks fine the way she is, so do people see me as looking better than her? I dont know, I feel kind of weird but I feel great that I look better than her! (more like I'm smaller than her, but than again she doesn't have a big flabby belly like me!) I am soo going to get rid of most of my tummy, I will have to wear a girdle till I'm done having kids but I will at least look amazing with cloths on! I think if everywhere else on my body is in tip top shape than I can live with my tummy being flabby .... It will never go away but I have my daughter, and as long as I am healthy I will be fine. (hey maybe I can enter on a talk show and get free plastic surgery! yeah right. ha ha)

Today I plan on going for another walk, and since tonight I am by myself for dinner (hubby has bink-182 concert) I am eating light. Oh and I did excellent last night with the brownies! I didn't over do it at all, I was very proud of myself. granted I did clean the bowl with my tongue but that was 1 serving (or less), than I had 2 tiny pieces (which were another 2 servings)... total cal count was 350(aprox.) but I had the extra cal to do it! The best part is I have been great about listing everything I eat and knowing the cal count... I have stayed at aprox. 1350 cal a day, with 2 oops days one at 1900 and the other at 1650... which in reality isn't that bad cause it was more like maintenance days!

Also keeping my burn meter up I have been able to keep a deficit of almost 1000 cal or more per day! Which means every 3 days I lose a lb!!!! damn ok 4 months thats 120 days, so a lb every 3 days means 40lbs... why does that not seem right? well, whatever it is I can sooo do the 15lbs in 4 months! I am ready for this GAG challenge so much so that I started early! I'm still a mess everywhere else but I can do this challenge and get going with a more confident me! I am sooo excited about all of this! 15lbs 15lbs 15lbs! I can do this!!!!

I did it!

My goal for the weekend was to beat that dreaded 154.5... Well to let you all know I did it and I did it with style! I am currently 153! YAHHH! the closer I am to 150 the happier I will be! I currently have 8lbs to go till my Oct 5th deadline.

Also as you may have noticed my blog name has changed. I am back to the original goal of 135. Why? Well for starter I don't want to be too thin, and I dont want to have to maintain such a low weight like 125, and if right now at 153 I can squeeze into a size 8, than I dont want to get down to a size 4 and not be able to wear my cloths. Which is my ultimate goal. Speaking of goals I think I have to rework them a lil bit...

Goal 1: 145 by Oct 5, 2009
Goal 2: 135 by Feb 1, 2010.

I would do 135 by the end of the year but that might be a lil unrealistic with the holidays. I know that with my GAG challenge I will lose most of the weight by the end of the year but I want to give myself 1 extra month to make sure that there are no relapses and I make it to 135 in a timely manor. Calcount says that I should be there by Jan 7th. So I know I am on the right track. Also I dont know how it will work out that me gaining some muscle mass back while losing weight... I'm not sure where I will end up... but we shall see when I get there.

So as for my motivation:

MOTIVATION: fit into pants! Black with white lace trim ( I fit into the size 8 pair but I have one in size 6 also)

Motivation: size 10 jeans for alynn's first bday! (Past that! )

Motivation: Wear black skirt for 5 year reunion! ( and buy a top) ( I should fit into that skirt now, I didnt try yet, but a new top if I get to 140 by my reunion would be FANTASTIC!)

Motivation: look sexy for valentine's day ( Victoria secrets!) (This will be my ultimate end motivation, new undies/bras you know wink wink... thats if I make it to 135 by Feb 1)

Motivation: fit into MY jeans!!!! (size 8!) ( I fit but the muffin top is sooo killing me! I have a ways to go before I can comfortably fit into them)

Motivation: Have mom TAKE IN black and white dress for Kimmy's wedding! ( I didnt try the dress on yet, I will in a few weeks but Yes it will need taking in... YAHHH!!! )

MOTIVATION: FIT INTO MY WHITE JEANS FOR THE SUMMER( size 6) ( still on the ultimate motivations list... I can do this by feb but I cant wear my WHITE pants till summer! )

MOTIVATION: BUY NEW BATHING SUIT... NO MATTER WHAT THE PRICE!!!! ( actually I fit into my size 8 speedo bathing suit! But I will be buying a new bathing suit come next summer that will be something I look forward to!)

I can do all this! I am just happy that I am ahead of the game! and Its amazing to say that I only have 18 more lbs to lose! can you believe that 18 that's it!!!! So for my GAG challenge my goal is to lose a total of 18lbs but more than that create a steady work out routine and juggle my health and life in one easy transaction. That means taking care of family/cooking/cleaning/eating right and exercising regularly, without being tired our exhausted by the end of the day! oh not to mention work in there, and even play time with the munchkin butt... If I can get my life thus far under control than I know that I can do this!

My ultimate goal, not weight, not confidence but order, stability and consistency!

I also know that in order for me to progress within my career I need to be orderly, effective and efficient... I cant be any of these if I myself feel like I'm constantly falling apart now can I? no, so I am putting my best foot forward with more than just my health but my life! And its not just for me but my family too! I have a family to be here for and take care of, I have to make the effort to be everything and more of what they need. I refuse to have excuses for not being responsible when it comes to my family. I love them and they deserve the best!

Screw You Size 10!!!

So the past 2 days I have realized that I can pull my size 12 pants down without unbuttoning them... so in my effor to gain modivation this weekend I went to try on my size 8 cloths. Expecting them not to fit. First I tried on a size 10, they fit and were roomy! Yahh, I was amazed! Then I decided to try on a size 8, just to see how much more I needed till I fit into them.... THEY FIT!!!! AHAHA! This is after weighing myself this morning at 153! WOW!!!! I'm sooo damn happy! I can fit into my cloths! They are still tight and not all of them fit but OH MY GOD!!!! I AM SOOO HAPPY!!!!!! I had a goal of 125 thinking that that would be a size 6 but I am putting my ultimate goal back to 135. I don't want to be too small. But I do still want to lose my stomach.... I wont stop till I get rid of most of it. I am hoping that I can get to 135 by the end of the GAG challange. I know its a stretch but I really want to get rid of this weight. I feel much better knowing that I can fit into my cloths but I want to fit into all of them! Ok well off to bed with me! I just finished a mini work out, which is better than nothing. I also did ten girly pushups. Its the best I can do but Yahh for me! I also did free weights, which should help with my arms. I am going to work out more tomorrow. I am very happy with myself today I did 1400 cal, and I even got to have ice cream! YAHH ME!!! Thats about it for now... nighty night

154... Uh this one had been the death of me!

So today again I am 154! Yahh! ok my goal is to keep this weight till Monday. It is the SECOND Friday that I am 154 and than come Monday I am 156 again... NOT THIS TIME! If I can just keep myself under enough control for today and the next 2 days I'M IN! I will be at 150 by Sep and than a few more weeks to lose 5 more lbs! I want to post my "motivation and goals from my cc account here to remind me what I am working for...

MOTIVATION: fit into pants! Black with white lace trim

GOAL: 145 by October 5th, 2009

Motivation: size 10 jeans for alynn's first bday! (30bucks that I can do)

MINI GOAL: 140 by Nov 15, 2009

Motivation: Wear black skirt for 5 year reunion! ( and buy a top)

Goal: 135 by February 14, 2010

Motivation: look sexy for valentine's day ( Victoria secrets!)

Motivation: fit into MY jeans!!!! (size 8!)

Goal: 125 by June 29, 2010

Motivation: Have mom TAKE IN black and white dress for Kimmy's wedding! Not to mention going away for Bachelorette party!

MOTIVATION: FIT INTO MY WHITE JEANS FOR THE SUMMER( size 6)

MOTIVATION: BUY NEW BATHING SUIT... NO MATTER WHAT THE PRICE!!!!

So I feel that These are good rounded goals that let me lose the weight slow enough that I am able to maintain the weight that I lose.. Oh on how I did yesterday... very well I think, I did have three slices of Sicilian pizza but I didn't go over 1300 cal! I drank soo much water and I feel sooo BLOATED still but I feel that if I am this way at 154 maybe a lot of it is water weight. I still have not worked out :( shame on me. Hubby won't be any help on my journey even though he would love for me to be skinny... he is weird like that. But I know he finds me much more attractive than I was at the beginning of the year! Yahh!

ok so I know that the ultimate way for me to start working out is to push myself and show myself how I dont fit into any of my cloths but this means that I have to take apart my closet and undo all my vacuum sealed bags and go through all of my cloths, try them on and see how FAT I really am!

you know what the kicker is... Today I weigh 154, even if I was 155, before my preg.. I fit into all those cloths... I think that's whats making me depressed. I lost all the weight! I did it! I can even brag to my mother in law that within 1 YEAR I got back down to my prepreg weight (even though she will detest me even more, cause after 22 years she has never done that)... but I am 2 SIZES too big! I am currently wearing a size 14 H&M pants which in reality is a size 12.. I have everything right now size 12 or L.... I used to be a size 8 and either S or M.... I cant squeeze into a size 8 for the life of me! I went to an engagement party last weekend wearing a size 10 dress I used to fit into a size 2 dress... YES I SAID SIZE 2! uhhh depression can't even relate to it! I was at a PLUMP 148 and fit into a size 2 dress... I had muscle mass that was most of my weight... and I'm a short shit at 5'1... But I was able to fit into it all! uhhh whatever. this weekend god willing I will go through my closet and try on my cloths... maybe see if anything fits enough to switch into my wardrobe... :(

Wish me luck with my endeavor for this weekend, should be bouts of depression!

ps 9 lbs to lose in 6 weeks!

Yesturday

Well yesterday was a fairly good and bad day. Emotionally it was a big blah! I didn't feel like doing much, I did manage to cook and I had somewhere between 1300-1500 cal. I'm never 100% sure but as long as I am under 1500, I am doing great! Still breastfeeding so 500 cal goes to that and 1000 to me! so I had a deficient yesterday of prob 1000 cal. Which is GREAT, yet I'm on my period on feel blah, so I didn't weigh myself this morning cause I feel swollen and huge.
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Now normally my time of month brings energy and an uplifting personality but between money problems/looking for a new job/the baby/ not a lot of sleep yesterday/ a dirty house/ and not accomplishing everything I wanted to... I'm not myself these past few days... I also have $565.00 to pay to NYC... for a ticket from 2 years ago...(200 is for the points it put on my license)
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anyway... I am happy to report that although my emotions are a mess... I have done well with my cal count and am keeping it under control! My legs feel skinnier but I'm not sure. Today I am going to take measurements! and if hubby cooperates pics too! oh and looking back at pics from a few months ago I am much smaller! YAHH! that and the pants I wore for my daughter baptism (june 28th) we fairly tight on me than. I wore them on Monday... they were nice and loose! (actually way too big)Ok well I am going to do a lil workout while I am at work right now. and I am going to try and look around at the sites that were posted on GAG Challenge page. see where it takes me! and if at all there is any help to getting back on track to a solid workout!

finding the meaning of my lazyness

so anyway. Im back down to 155, prob 154.5 but anyway...

I have 2 weeks to start some sort of work out routine. I realy have no idea where to start at the momment. I have EA active for the Wii, which has been a great workout and all but I got to get back to actually doing it. Im always tired or lazy, or busy... and Im so sick of the excueses. I dont know what else to do, we have a treadmill but its way to hard to take up and down... uhhh I feel like im just compaining here, but I'm tryn to get this crap out of me! I have to stop procrastinating and I have to stay focused on working out and keeping on track with my work out! I have two weeks before GAG challenge starts and I want to be on a routine! uhhh Im very frustrated with myself, I hope I get this job call back on frid/mon.. maybe it will decrease my stress level! well as long as I can continue to control my eating i should be good. Actually speaking of dinner got to go do that...

Hello World of Weighloss

So anyway I am starting this to be apart of GAG challenge! I have my cc account but I want more! I need to have a challenge or two! I want to be 145 by my daughter's first b-day which is Oct 5th and I am currently 156, I have a ways to go and the weeks keep on passing my by! I am committed to making a difference in my life! I want to be 125! And my goal date is June 29th, my 24th b-day! I have so much that goes on in my life that I need to check in and have someone ring my neck for not doing what I'm supposed to. I like that GAG has a points system for things we do and don't do... I like to win so lets get going!!!!!

ME MYSELF AND I:
I recently had a baby, and although I have lost 30lbs so far I am still looking to lose another 30lbs. I am still wearing maternity cloths as most of my cloths don't fit me any more! that is my main motivation for losing weight. I also want to be healthy, I feel like a fat blob and I cant keep up with my daughter. My goal in life was to have kids young so I could play and do things with them without being tired or "too old"... and at 23 thats just how I feel.
My confidence is bla and I feel like crap. I am currently 156, I was this weight before being preg, but I was much more muscular and was a size 8 now I am a size 12 blob! None of my cloths fit me and everything I wear makes me look FRUMPY! I have never looked frumpy my whole life.
my goal is to be a size 6... I have alot of cloths size 8 and 6, and I want to be able to fit into them. I like wearing my cloths loose so even at a size 6 my size 8 cloths I will still wear.
( I realize I have put alot of emphasize on my cloths but most of them are one of a kind pieces/couture/classic black dress style/vintage... you get the point. My wardrobe is estimated at about $30,000 or more. and I dont want to part with the cloths. Most my mother has gotten for me cause she works in fashion. I cant afford to buy or be paying that kind of money for cloths. I have always valued what I have in my closet and I want to be able to wear what I have.)

So now You know a lil bit more about me! I hope to get to know you better, keep checking back here for my updates!