154... Uh this one had been the death of me!

So today again I am 154! Yahh! ok my goal is to keep this weight till Monday. It is the SECOND Friday that I am 154 and than come Monday I am 156 again... NOT THIS TIME! If I can just keep myself under enough control for today and the next 2 days I'M IN! I will be at 150 by Sep and than a few more weeks to lose 5 more lbs! I want to post my "motivation and goals from my cc account here to remind me what I am working for...

MOTIVATION: fit into pants! Black with white lace trim

GOAL: 145 by October 5th, 2009

Motivation: size 10 jeans for alynn's first bday! (30bucks that I can do)

MINI GOAL: 140 by Nov 15, 2009

Motivation: Wear black skirt for 5 year reunion! ( and buy a top)

Goal: 135 by February 14, 2010

Motivation: look sexy for valentine's day ( Victoria secrets!)

Motivation: fit into MY jeans!!!! (size 8!)

Goal: 125 by June 29, 2010

Motivation: Have mom TAKE IN black and white dress for Kimmy's wedding! Not to mention going away for Bachelorette party!

MOTIVATION: FIT INTO MY WHITE JEANS FOR THE SUMMER( size 6)

MOTIVATION: BUY NEW BATHING SUIT... NO MATTER WHAT THE PRICE!!!!

So I feel that These are good rounded goals that let me lose the weight slow enough that I am able to maintain the weight that I lose.. Oh on how I did yesterday... very well I think, I did have three slices of Sicilian pizza but I didn't go over 1300 cal! I drank soo much water and I feel sooo BLOATED still but I feel that if I am this way at 154 maybe a lot of it is water weight. I still have not worked out :( shame on me. Hubby won't be any help on my journey even though he would love for me to be skinny... he is weird like that. But I know he finds me much more attractive than I was at the beginning of the year! Yahh!

ok so I know that the ultimate way for me to start working out is to push myself and show myself how I dont fit into any of my cloths but this means that I have to take apart my closet and undo all my vacuum sealed bags and go through all of my cloths, try them on and see how FAT I really am!

you know what the kicker is... Today I weigh 154, even if I was 155, before my preg.. I fit into all those cloths... I think that's whats making me depressed. I lost all the weight! I did it! I can even brag to my mother in law that within 1 YEAR I got back down to my prepreg weight (even though she will detest me even more, cause after 22 years she has never done that)... but I am 2 SIZES too big! I am currently wearing a size 14 H&M pants which in reality is a size 12.. I have everything right now size 12 or L.... I used to be a size 8 and either S or M.... I cant squeeze into a size 8 for the life of me! I went to an engagement party last weekend wearing a size 10 dress I used to fit into a size 2 dress... YES I SAID SIZE 2! uhhh depression can't even relate to it! I was at a PLUMP 148 and fit into a size 2 dress... I had muscle mass that was most of my weight... and I'm a short shit at 5'1... But I was able to fit into it all! uhhh whatever. this weekend god willing I will go through my closet and try on my cloths... maybe see if anything fits enough to switch into my wardrobe... :(

Wish me luck with my endeavor for this weekend, should be bouts of depression!

ps 9 lbs to lose in 6 weeks!