I feel petite

So, today I weighed in at 141.5! I am happy about the number but not happy about how. I am still barely eating anything. I am forcing myself to eat so I have cal coming in but I know my deficient is way too high.

I feel smaller today too. I do not actually know where I feel smaller but I do feel smaller over all. except for my tummy. Its a sad thing to know that you can lose so much weight but not lose that one area. Oh well.

My PT came over last night and taped up my shoulders again so I should be able to get to xmas without killing myself. Yesterday I made 2 batches of cookies and a batch of brownies. Uh what a lot of work...

Anyway, Today is the last day of the GAG challenge. My starting weight was 152.0, I am happy to say that I lost 10lbs! tonight I will be taking measurements to see how far I have come and I will also take a pic of what I look like now. Alot in my life has changed in the past 16 weeks. Between new friends and new outlook on my body and all the shenanigans that went on these past 16 weeks. I am happy with my results. Most important about my weight loss in this challenge is that I never went back up in weight. I am proud that I was able to maintain that stinkin' 144 for so long. Prob the best feeling that I have is that I feel petite again. I have always been small and at my largest pre-pregnancy (155) I still felt small. But now that I am 14lbs under that I feel the same again. I feel small enough to wrap my arms around myself and say I am proud of my body.

I still have many flaws where my body is concerned and my stretchmarks are more scars than anything but I know in time they will start to fade more. The only one problem I have is my stomach, no matter how much weight I have lost it is still the same. Most of my stomach has remained skin... And it only looks worse with the more weight I lose. Yes I can hide it, but at the end of the day I can not hide from myself. It is something I have to live with and I hope to grow to love. I am unique and no matter what flaws I have it just makes me more me!

I am proud of how far I have come and what this challenge has given to me, it really is a great gift! Best of all I will be wearing a skirt for xmas. I know I still have my thunder thighs but I feel that they have gone down so much that it is time to be more daring with my body. Except I'm gonna try not to hurt myself in the process ;)

I feel confident I feel sexy I feel petite, I know I still will cover what flaws I feel I have but it doesn't mean I can't strut my stuff! I know I can never wear a bikini again (and god knows I LOVE bikini's) but hey you can't win them all!

I have 6.5 more lbs to go! I am excited to say that I know I can do this. I can make that last push to get there. I will be 135 and I will stay there too. I have other great news too, my PT says my pupps scars will go away, once I finish losing the weight and once I am officially done producing any sort of milk. I feel as if the less milk I produce the more like myself I am. I am officially down to two feedings, one in the middle of the night and one first thing in the morning. both out of sheer laziness and comfort.

I am assuming that my lack of appetite has to do with my milk production. Since both have simultaneously decreased. Although oddly I do not feel hungry after not eating. I feel that that is the oddest part of all. I have always been able to eat, and never have been able to say no to food. But, something is different. Maybe cause of my milk it is hormone related. Well I will never know. I will just maintain a healthy outlook on food through this rough time and hope that I will return back to normal soon.

Hell, all I know is I want a glass of wine! I want to enjoy my Xmas and I want to celebrate my weight loss! And everyone that was part of GAG should do the same! Enjoy live up to your accomplishments! Celebrate!

This year is almost over, Emotionally it has been a long year, physically it has taken a long hard tole on my body. I have accomplished so much during this year that I am surprised at myself. More importantly I am proud of myself. My accomplishments include breastfeeding as long as I did, losing 50lbs, going paperless, working the entire year at one location. Maintaining a household and family. Having xmas taken care of before xmas eve. ( I even did xmas cards and baking!) I have organized and mainstreamed many things in my life. I know there is more that has to be done to accomplish my ideals in life but that's why 2009 was a year to get back on my feet. To start working to focus on my goals and achievements for my life.

Now that GAG is over I will be using this blog for my new years posts. I have always been one to reflect on the past year and to look forward to a new year. I will be tuning into the future and closing out of the past. Hope to see everyone do the same!