Thursday, December 10, 2009

Off the wagon, Hangin in there (really really long)

So lately with all the crazies that I have been going through I have completely been falling behind. I have been so fixated on other parts of my life that I feel like I am falling apart. I have so much on my mind and on my hands that I can not concentrate on what is really important... MY HEATH! Ia am part of GAG, I am here to give a gift to myself. A gift that is to be healthy and lose the excess weight. Well I lost 8lbs, I fit into my prepreg cloths I eat fairly healthy but I DO NOT WORKOUT AT ALL.

Why is this such a problem, well I have several reasons for working out, first and foremost for my health and weight. But that is an overall and surface aspect of the matter. I want muscle mass! I used to be very muscular, I loved it very much I was strong and had ample flexibility. Now, after my pregnancy, I sit here weak and flexible but not as I was.

I used to be a gymnast, and I have always told myself that I want to maintain my gymnast body, the tight legs, the strong arms, the tough midsection... well I'm just a big butterball that can't do anything anymore! I need to get back to where I was. I say need because it is not something I want it is something I very much need.

A need is something we are required to have, for life and health. It is not a material thing, it is not something disposable and is not something that money can buy. I need to feel fit and be active. I need to be able to have the physical stamina to keep after my ever growing daughter. I need to feel good about my body.

Now where else does fitness find itself in my needs. Working out is a stress reducer, I have more stress than I can handle. I am great at managing stress emotionally but on a physical level my body is falling apart and I can not keep up with picking up the pieces. Along with stress reducer being active and working out helps keep me focused and motivated.

Getting through a workout for me is very rewarding I feel motivated 'cause I feel I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I feel a scene of focus because I have committed to something and accomplished it and find myself committing to other things that need to get done and also staying focused till the task is complete!

Now the scene of relaxation after a full day of completed tasks is another great feeling, I love going to sleep knowing I did everything I had to I made great progress with my health and in my overall goals.

Well, this is fine and dandy when things ACTUALLY happen but I have not worked out for a week, I feel behind and disgusted with myself. I have not maintained myself even in my blog community. I fell apart somewhere along the line. Something happened that I can not figure out. I want to do more and find myself unable to reach my goals.

Yesterday I stayed home from work, kind of a mental health day (that cost me 50 bucks). I just couldn't pull myself out of bed to get on with life till about 12pm, till I had to. I am exhausted with everything in my life at this point. I feel like I am hanging on by my pinkeye's from the last car of a roller coaster ride from hell. I am at a point that I am not even sure where I should start up again.

All I know is what I need, I need my family and they need me, I need my health, I need my job, I need my savings account to grow.

Then there are my goals in life, finish school and get my CPA, write a book or 3. Be a fit and healthy individual for the rest of my life. Have a long loving relationship with my family.

Than there are my wants, I want to be paperless, I want to be able to read every day, I want to work from home, I want to have a nice big house, I want to be successful and have financial security( I would say wealthy, but money isn't everything to me, so having financial security to have everything I want and need is beyond enough.) I want to go on vacation, I want an e-reader, I want the perfect body(in my standards not society), I want to be able to enjoy my life more. I want to be able to go out and enjoy time with my friends. I want new cloths(than again I always want and get new cloths so this is a wash). I want the best for my family. I want more kids.

Well, you get the idea, my wants can go on forever...

Now My goals and needs should be focused on a plan together. My needs can always wait.

My main focus are my needs: family/health/job/money, Now I do not "need" money it is more of just a necessity of life. So having my job covers life expenses and a savings account balance above what it is will help me start working on my life goals.

First family: Family to me is more than just love and happiness, it is providing for them, making sure they have a home cooked meal every night and a nice clean living environment. I want my daughter to grow up loved and happy, in a good home and have a stable relationship with both me and hubby. I want her to enjoy learning and be a well rounded individual. I want her to be hardworking and determined in life. I want to show hubby every day that I love him and that our marriage is more important than anything else in this world.
So I know I dedicate every ounce of myself to my family as it is. I have restricted my "family" down to just me,hubby and the baby. Because everything else is a want more than a need. Need is immediate. So it is immediate family only, It does include my mom, and hubby's parents and close family in it but when I think of our needs it only involves 2 other people.

Second health: Health is something I need for myself, I need to be fit and stress free in mind body and soul. My focus on my family has taken away from this aspect of my needs. Without my health I know that I can not give to my family what is required of me. I can not focus on the necessities if I can not focus and preform my duties as a mother and wife. Yet I fail short every day at making some sort of balance between the two of them.

Without the balance between my family and health the other necessities that are required in my life have neg. affects. I lose days at work, which means I lose pay. And with the loss of pay I wind up losing the money that is to be in our savings account.

My goal before any other is to obtain a sort of balance between my life's needs. Overall I can not complain about my life, we live well, have a big house that we live in (so its shared), we are happy, we have more than what we need in life, my daughter is happy and healthy. I have to focus on my health before I can focus on my goals in life. I need to be healthy and manage a good household before I can add finishing school to my plate. That and we will need money in order for me to go back to school.

Well focusing on my health is two fold, what I put in and what I put out. Now that is not what goes in one hole and out the other... it is the amount of nutrition that goes in and the amount of cal that goes out. I would normally say the cal in and the cal out YET, the is over all health and I need healthy food choices not just low cal. I am not so much trying to lose weight because I am over weight, I am trying to lose weight to be healthier and stronger... Also, I have to remember that taking care of my appearance is also an aspect of my health. Looking the part is half of feeling the part. So shaving, doing my hair and makeup, dressing nice, all these things matter. And they matter in my relationship too. Appearance also matters to my daughter, I want her to grow up knowing that it is proper to go out looking your best to feel your best.

So I have to find time EVERYDAY, to exercise, eat right and get all pretty. This is along with doing dishes, cleaning, cooking, keeping the house organized, taking care of my daughter's every need, taking care of hubby's most every need, being all that I can as a mom and wife.

Eating wise I have been doing much better, and I have also been keeping hubby on a good track too. since it is winter time I have been baking dinner in the oven more often which is always a healthier option. Even if its just bbq pork ribs, if you saw the amount of fat that burns right off! So some not so healthy options are always more healthy in the oven.

Seeing how I already cook and clean ALL DAY! I need to focus on the exercise and maintaining my appearance part. With the lack of energy that I always feel, both of these areas suffer greatly! Well no not really its more ASTRONOMICALLY, that these area's suffer. I am great a going for a walk once a week, maybe getting 1 workout in here and there. But, none of that is enough! There has to be consistency and dedication on a daily basis. I need to focus on a daily regimen of taking care of myself, ME TIME! Something that even when my daughter doesn't nap that can be done, something that will be productive towards a new healthier me! I have to find a set time and agenda for all of this.

I need to pull myself off that roller coaster car and make it to the front so I can start steering... First I have to find a way to get my hands on the last car, you know get a good grasp, than I have to find the strength in me to pull myself into the car. Once I can do that I can slowly start moving myself to the first car... I am going to look at the last car as my health. The basis for ALL my needs, goals and wants. Once I get into that first car I will be able to keep going. But for now I am still barely hanging on.

My first step is to get my fingers grasped tightly to that last car, I want to start with one walk a week (cause its cold), and 2 workouts a week along with stretching and sit-ups one other day a week. That will be 4 workouts a week, Well I will not call them all workouts because they are barely at that level. My walk should be an hour(or as long as I can withstand the cold), the two workouts should be about a half hour and the stretching... well how ever long it takes to do 50 sit-ups and stretch out all my muscles, along with 50 jumping jacks and 100 leg lifts(50 each side)...

The other thing I have to do is take my vitamins daily. As a breastfeeding momma I am losing precious bone density and nutrition that need to be replenished by supplements DAILY, or twice a day. I always feel better when I have my vitamins and I have to start full strength to take my vitamins and not forget... I should take Calcium every morning and every night. Between stronger bones and helping you sleep better at night it should be considered a super drug...

I have to eat smaller portions again. Most days I do well, Yet on others I find that I can not help myself. I need to measure everything and I need to use more control when it comes to things that are sweet. One day I wish I could say that the only sugar I have is the 2 tsp in my tea but I know that is a long and painful time away.

I have to pre-make veggies for me and my daughter, I can not be cooking veggies and a full dinner for hubby every night. I have been great to replace white potatoes with a healthier option lately but I need to continue with a more time friendly alternatives.

Speaking of friendly alternatives for veggies:
I have a easy receipe that is oh so yummy, Now the original receipe calls for all sorts of Root veggies but I decided for the sake of easy and eddible, I would stick with just carrots and sweet potatoes aka yams. I do not have a name for this dish but here it is:

1 sweet potato -chopped to desired size
1 carrot or two -chopped to desired size
1/4 cup maple syrup (or however much you want just enough to coat the veggies)
some cinnamon
some nutmeg
and some ground ginger

put them in a casserol dish, mix them till everything is evenly coated, than cover with aluminum foil and bake in oven for 1/2 hour, or till everything is nice and soft. uncover and cook for a few more min to dry up all the juice.
Thats it! all the prep time is in cutting up the potato and carrot (after being peeled of course) but its a 5 min prep time! Now I am not a fan of sweet potatoes, But this dish so hits the spot. Best of all just a little makes you feel nice and full!

Dinner should only take me 45 min, maybe an hour if it is something that needs a long time to cook. But I have a time frame of 230-7 every day to do things, My daughter will sleep most days from 4-530. Sometimes it's 3-430/5 it all depends but I have about an hour every day to myself. Along with 3.5 other hours of time to accomplish tasks for my health and family.

There are few things in this time frame that have to get done, eat lunch, make dinner and make sure my daughter goes down for a nap. I should shower while she naps instead of at night or in the morning, yet... if I work out that means I have to just shower again.... well anyway my daughter goes to sleep at 730-8, so maybe as soon as she goes to bed would be the best time to shower, I want to avoid working out late at night. I would rather have time for me and hubby. Now why is scheduling a shower a big deal, well yesterday I took a shower with baby just hangin out in the bathroom with me... she tried to go for the towel on the rack fell backwards and hit her head on the floor... dumb child, yet.... I want to try to avoid this... believe me she went down and I was out that shower so quick, the floor was all wet and I used my daughter as my towel! She stopped crying right away, it wasn't that she got too hurt but she was upset cause of the shock of falling... like I said dumb kid but I love her... so shower time for mommy is quite important, I never have time to shave cause I'm either running cause I got to get to work in the am or I got to go run after my daughter... oh how I would love to just take a nice shower.. (hubby still doesn't get it.)

Anyway, enough with my daily antics, I need a half hour a day to work out/walk/stretch. My walk I can take any time from 3-8pm. My daughter tags along and has loads of fun! I already have plans with my neighbor to go for a walk this Friday at 730 after dinner. So today being Thursday I need to get a workout in. Than Saturday and Sunday I need another workout and 1 day of stretching.... I can do this! I have to do this! I am going to write my workouts on my calender! I will also be re-evaluating everything I do on a daily basis to fit in fitness!

Oh god someone wish me a miracle! But I will get this done! my final inside the roller coaster car will be me working out 6 days a week! Eating 1500 cal or under a day, and I will start weight training! I will log all food on my Calcount account. I will eat healthy choices and I will do this day in and day out! I am setting a goal end date to meet, I want to be in that coaster car by Jan 31st!
That gives me a month and a half! That also means that I have plenty of time to create a good habit!

Once I get to the point where I am working out 6 days a week(a half hour workout or an hour walk will be enough) and eating a lower cal diet, but eating healthy options and cutting out major sweets... Than I will start to focus on other aspects of my life.

Sorry for such a long post, but I have to reason with myself and get everything out in the open. I have to be very frank with myself too. I can do this, I know what I have to focus on. I will make it....


  1. I love the idea of maple baked yams and carrots. I use sugar free syrup all the time so I am sure that would lighten it just a tad. Yum, I am gonna bake that soon.

    I get what you mean about needs and balancing. Exercise is a major essential to me in the mood boost department. And accomplishing goals definately feels good when you lay down at night knowing you held some part of your world in order.

    Hope writing it all out helped! Good goals and plan. You'll get the juggling act in order. It's a one day at a time thing for me. I am struggling with healthy intake right now. ♥

  2. Oh my gosh are you spinning like a tornado or what? :)

    Sit down, take a deep breath or 10, say thank you for what you are able to do and have, then choose one thing to do differently right now, then do it. No need to spin yourself into a frantic storm. Relax, enjoy, take time to stop and smell the roses. Life is too short. Smile more. :) :) :)

  3. It always amazes and amuses me that women feel they need to work outside the home to be equal to a man. I am not saying this to say "don't work outside the home'. I say this because I am glad your work fulfills you...that is great.
    But you have two full time jobs.
    You work at work.
    you work at home.
    It's two jobs.
    Men have one job and then come home and sit.
    Women have an outside th e home job, then come home and do the inside the home job.
    You are also trying to 'look good', work out and be a great mother.
    That's three jobs.
    It's a lot.
    I wish women would think about this a little.
    just sayin'
    you are exhausted, get some sleep.
    something is going to have to give.
    Hope you feel better soon.

  4. Hate to be brutally honest - ok, no I don't - You will always be exhausted if you're a stay at home mum. I've been doing it almost 3 years (after 4 years of single working mom) and I find it much much harder than "working". At home, we're on our feet, using our brain in many many ways at any given moment, being janitor, taxi cab driver, chef, personal organiser, maid, executive assistant (to hubby), psychologist, nurse, personal trainer (to ourself and kids), teacher, student, librarian... the list is never ending. We ARE super women. We will ALWAYS be exhausted - but that is exactly why I sleep so well at night. All my projects help me get up excited in the morning. Perspective helps. I feel lucky in my life. I'm not living in a slum or landfill in India, starving and dirty. I feel lucky. I welcome being exhausted with happiness.

    With that said, I found this week that a small exercise schedule works wonders! I put "strength training" top priority, so committed to 3 days per week. Everything else happens when/if I feel like it. The thing is, because I've been working out hard (lifting heavier weights, more reps, pushing my body to the max), I FEEL like I need the extra stretching, and running to balance my body. I have made time in the evenings to do that - not scheduled, but ST makes me FEEL like doing it, so I do it. Oh, I hope I'm conveying this properly... simplicity. ST 2pm MWF makes me feel strong, and makes my body crave other forms of exercise/stretching.

    As for shaving - I have always had problems finding time, which is embarrassing during intimate times. If it gets really bad, I found out, lather on lotion thick, shave quickly 3-4 min before going out the door, wipe clean with wet rag. It's a last resort, but it's better than furry legs with short skirts :)

    Veggies - I hide them in all my dinners, or buy things they like to eat - corn ON cob... Cheesy broccoli (reduced fat cheese), canned green beans, otherwise, it's just hidden in the main meal, chopped really really small :) shhhhh, don't tell ;)

    My schedule frequently changes, and things that work in Nov, maybe not so great in Dec or Jan - Being a mom means keeping on your toes. It's not easy, but we are strong. Don't worry about your week off. Take your time and make sure you are paying attention to your mental health - way more important than bodies. But eventually, your passion and determination to get in shape will come back, and I know you - you will be strong and we'll be here to support you, no matter what. Take care!



Measurments- sept 1, 2009

L arm: 12.5
R arm: 12.5
L thigh: 26
R thigh: 25.5
L calf: 15
R calf: 14.5
Bust: 34.5
Waist: 37
Thighs: 40.5