Monday, December 21, 2009


Hello! I'm back, not feeling back to normal but I will get there.. it has been a really long week for me... and starting last Wednesday (I have no idea why) I lost all my appetite. So I have been having under 1000 cal, I am down to 141! OUCH! I have no desire for any food and no fluids either.... This is one of the oddest things in the world to me... Friday I had half a serving of pasta for lunch (200 cal) I tried to have soup for dinner (under 100 cal) Saturday I had half a small piece of steak with a piece of rye break (200 cal) I had a yogurt and my tea (200 cal) I had a small piece of catfish for dinner(150 cal) Sunday I had hot coco(200 cal) I had a piece of rye bread (120cal) Another small piece of catfish (150 cal) and dinner I had a hamburger no bread no nothing just meat with bbq sauce (200 cal) I had some chips in between too maybe 250 cal, That was it... and the worst part I had to force myself to eat all of that... Also this morning All I had was two small slices of rye bread with a lil margarine maybe at most 250 cal oh I had orange juice so that would push it up to 370. which is fine for breakfast, but I am not hungry one bit. I have no desire to eat or anything...

So, now that I got my bad eating habits out of the way, why is all of this coming to pass... well...

I have been reading all week, I read an entire series(three books) I read them several times... its like a good movie that you always want to watch over and over again... problem is this series is drivin me up a wall... I love to read and get so drawn in but these books are so much more... even though it is very little about the content within the book it is all about the relationships... I don't think anyone would see these books the way I do. I have this recollection of me and my best friend and the stupid shit we do, our relationships and our friendship. Now, I wouldn't be so emotional about all of this if it weren't for the fact that the BFF bitch lives in Iceland...

I have not seen her in over 2 years... and I prob will not see her again for years to come. I am beyond depressed about this. She really is my world. I feel very alone without her. I know that this is something I just have to deal with, and something I spent hours crying about back in hs, but I can't change how I feel. I wish more than anything that I can go there and spend some time with her... I wish I could be myself again the way we used to be.

Well that is what has been eating me up these past few days. Something I have no control over... depression is a great weight loss catalyst sometimes... I really had no intentions of losing all that weight, but somewhere between breastfeeding less, being in way too much pain and missing the hell out of my bff... made me just want to stop eating all together.

I am at a very odd place in my life right now. Between weight loss a new family, trying to get back to who I was. Not being able to live my life the way I want because of my living arrangements. Which by the way hubby went in an all out bitch mode the other night how he can not take this any more either... He went into full analyze mode too, he is tryn to figure out how to pay off all our bills and save money and get out of this house. Last night I was so depressed about everything and he is tryn to talk to me about everything and I was just not able to. He says after the holidays he wants to find a different job hopefully in his field. I am happy to hear this. We will see how it all goes. I am just not with it. I hope that xmas will make me feel better.

I am off, yesterday I weighed in at 141... I didn't get a chance this morning but tomorrow I will. I have no idea where I lost the weight, but anyway.. lata people thanks for all of you caring. XOXO


  1. I am sorry your having a tough week. I hope it gets better for you...sometimes when we gals sit down and just can't fix or deal anymore the guys step up and get things right....You need to have some time to have fun.
    I hope you get to do that in the next week or two.

  2. The low appetite depression always gets me in December too. :(

    This too shall pass!



Measurments- sept 1, 2009

L arm: 12.5
R arm: 12.5
L thigh: 26
R thigh: 25.5
L calf: 15
R calf: 14.5
Bust: 34.5
Waist: 37
Thighs: 40.5